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10 Ways to Look Like an Election Season Sucker

7K views 63 replies 28 participants last post by  tbirdscott 
#1 ·
How to Look Like an Election Season Sucker, in 10 Steps

How To Look Like an Election Season Sucker, in 10 Easy Steps


With Labor Day comes the official start of "Election Season" here in America, as we seek to elect our next president.

We've already had numerous heated political debates here on the Hotrodders Bulletin Board, and you are now sure to encounter more. You will find insightful, well-researched viewpoints put forth by some people, as well as inaccurate and carelessly researched positions by others.

I thought we might discuss how to properly research and defend your political views on the internet, but that would be boring. Instead, I figured I'd post some simple tips on how to look like the other guy -- the Election Season Sucker. Follow these 10 simple tips to ensure your reputation as a careless, gullible, clueless political sucker.


1. First things first. You'll have to turn on your caps lock, so you can type in all capital letters -- LIKE THIS. USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS MAKES YOUR VIEWS STAND OUT IN THE CROWD, AND INCREASES THE LIKELIHOOD THAT PEOPLE WILL AGREE WITH YOU. IN FACT, JUST TURN YOUR CAPS LOCK ON RIGHT NOW, AND DON'T TURN IT OFF UNTIL THE ELECTION IS OVER. OR BETTER YET, UNTIL INAUGURATION DAY -- BUT ONLY IF YOUR CANDIDATE IS ELECTED. IF NOT, JUST LEAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.

2. Remember a few short but simple political bashing slogans, like "Bush is an idiot" or "Kerry is a waffler". Insert these slogans into your posts whenever possible, not just in specific political discussions. As a quick example -- should someone happen to mention that they think a certain person is an idiot, or should someone else happen to mention that they had waffles for breakfast, you'll need to be ready to post your slogan of choice.

3. Stop reading the newspaper. Online news websites will have to go too. In a heated election such as this one, there's only one news source you can trust -- political television commercials sponsored by your preferred candidate. Once you've seen all the commercials, your next best sources are cable news (any channel), and political talk shows.

4. Don't ever offer a source for your viewpoint. Instead, just say "I heard somewhere..." or "someone told me..." or something like that. It doesn't really matter anyway -- if you heard it, it must be true.

5. Learn how to properly hijack a discussion. With a little practice, you should be able to take a discussion about anything at all, and turn it into a political discussion. The most interesting discussions are the best targets, because they have the largest number of people already reading them.

6. Acquire an assortment of politically themed pictures from the web to help strengthen your position in political discussions. Nothing clinches a debate better than a picture of the other candidate cut-and-pasted onto a pile of money, or a side-by-side comparison of the other candidate and a chimpanzee.

7. Do not under any circumstances purchase, read, discuss, or even think about any books, articles, or other information sources involving American history. The less you know about all that boring crap, the better.

8. There's no need to mention the good points about your candidate, or why you think he would make a good president. Just concentrate on bashing the other guy. Remember, elections aren't about getting your guy elected -- they're about making sure the other guy doesn't get elected.

9. Learn how to make proper use of the larger font sizes and brighter colors at your disposal. If someone ever makes a really good point that could prove you wrong, you'll need to know how to bust out the SUPER LARGE RED WHITE AND BLUE letters. Works like a charm.

10. Remember: if someone disagrees with you, it's because they're stupid. The smart people are the ones that agree with you. One day, we'll all live in a perfect world where everyone thinks and acts exactly like you. But we'll never reach that day without you telling everyone that disagrees with you how stupid they truly are.
 
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#28 ·
When asked before we started this war how much money should be spent Kerry's reply was as many millions it takes...now when asked he says we cant afford this and that because of how much is being spent on this war...how can we stand behind a candidate that doesnt know what he stands for?He voted FOR and then voted AGAINST bills? Kerry said what he would have done different was ask for the support of other countries for this war(Bush asked but the French and Germans and we all know how that turned out)but all in all our president has kept the war out of our backyards and kept it overseas which isnt an easy task.I am not a diehard republican I am registered as UNAFFILIATED and I ussually vote for the lesser of the evils and Kerry hasnt stood for anything other than his war record of 30 years ago.I want to know what he plans on doing if he gets elected besides promise healthcare for everyone and fix our deficit by taxing us more and make wellfare a neverend vanue for people who wont work (not for those who cant).Why are republicans not sweating Kerry/Edwards??they dont seem to be that much of a threat.Just ask Zel!
I say flush the Johns!
I babbled enough and hope to not make others mad but if you have credible info on Kerry let me know because I cant find any anywhere.....and I'm from North Carolina and I'm not voting for Edwards.I have seen his work and frankly it doesnt inpress manypeople around here.And who am I kidding?I dont care who I make mad!Its my opinion and by golly I stick to it

"



Observations by an Air Force Pilot.




Chris Thomas, Air Force Pilot:

I would like to add my two cents about my John Kerry experience.
During my career as an Air Force pilot, I spent two years flying a
small twin engine prop plane around the Pacific from my base in Okinawa,
Japan.


On one trip we had to fly Senator Kerry, his congressional aide, and a
Navy Captain (Vietnam, A-4 fighter pilot) who was also in Kerry's party to
various locations in Vietnam and Cambodia as part of the MIA/POW talks.

When I met him, he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his sailboat on it.I
told him I had a 27' sailboat in Okinawa, he remarked "Oh I never sail on
anything less than 135 feet."
Thanks, Senator, "I feel even better about the meager salary I get paid for
flying you around the Pacific."

When we first flew him into Phnom Penh, he went to the back of the airplane
and grabbed the pizza that was put aside for the crew and passed it around
to his staff. He was never offered any pizza because they were supposed to
have lunch with the Cambodian government when we landed. The pizza was the
crew's only meal for that day and he ate it.

Then when we picked him up in Cambodia, he was an hour late getting to the
airport. Because fuel was an issue, we could not start the engines and
therefore the air conditioning until he arrived. Phnom Penh at that time
was over 100 degrees with 95% humidity and we were basically sitting in a
greenhouse behind the ****pit windows. When he finally did arrive, we were
wringing out our clothes from the perspiration. He walks out of the air
conditioned car, into the airplane and asks us "Could you guys get the
air-conditioning running, I'm a little warm?" The other pilot had to
physically restrain me from going back there and picking a fight.

Then we took him into Noi Bai airfield in Hanoi. After we picked him up the
next day (he stayed the night in Vietnam, we stayed in Bangkok) we taxied
out, ran up the engines for take off and noticed that our prop rpm was
vibrating all over the place. We taxied off to the side to look at it, but
there was a good possibility that there was an engine malfunction and the
engine may fail if we took off with it.
Well, Mr. Senator sticks his head up in the ****pit and says "This plane
WILL take off, I have a press conference in Bangkok in three hours!" (Maybe
this is an indication of how he will run the FAA).American service members
lives be damned, we had our Senatorial orders. We ran the engines again, and
did not have the problem, so we took off and made it back.

During the flight, he told everyone how he had taken a Cessna (a small
General aviation plane) up with a fighter pilot, and the fighter pilot
remarked that Kerry was one of the best pilots he had ever seen. I don't
know about other pilots out there, but it's hard to imagine a little,
single-engine prop plane pilot being able to show the "right stuff."

After Kerry left the plane, the Navy Captain came up to us, apologized and
said basically that "he knows Kerry is a jerk" and that we should be glad we
don't have to deal with him every day.

Your choice folks. Elections in November.
You want a mega-millionaire ego-maniac "it's-all-about-me"
crew-eating-pizza-ite like Kerry or maybe a Green Party candidate like Ralph
Nader?
Or, God forbid, maybe even re-elect George Bush, a nice God fearing
Christian bent on protecting us from terrorist attacks on US soil?
Hmmm, let's see?
Continued freedom under President Bush or bombs in our backyard under Kerry
(who will be sailing on his "minimum 135' yacht").

As Fox would say, "We report. You decide."
 
#30 ·
Ghetto, Night,
As a Conservative, I'll gladly debate any topic regarding Bush or Kerry. PM me. There's a hitch though. You'll have to READ what I type with an open mind. If you just blank it out, there's no sense wasting both our time. I'm sure you'll have valid points, so I promise to read yours openly. And I would expect that you try to find valid info to substantiate your positions.
This website really isn't the place for this. Too many people just shoot from the hip with no backup, so it just becomes a peeing match. Just a waste of time... but PM me if you want to discuss this further.

Jeff
 
#32 ·
Who me? :rolleyes:

I'd never do something like that...:D

Seriously, if you want to know whats on the "otherside" of the track, there's an open invite.

I like to engage in an intellectual bout from time to time. No name calling , just facts.

And what about Dan Rather? Sounds like 60 minutes was using the Kerry camp as their sources, and got their fingers caught in the cookie jar! Now they're branded as Kerry supporters. Not good for a "non-biased reporting" show. I can't wait to see how their (news) competitors jump on this one!! Can you say Shark Attack? :boxing:
 
#34 ·
:thumbup:

Now your talking !

Sage advise:

Anytime ANYONE gives you an opinion, ask for backup sources. Separates the bull from the truth. Just verify that the "facts" are correct. Professors included. Good luck with your classes. My daughter is a college sophmore taking polysci classes. She said she loves it. Already debating the professor OUT of CLASS. Stumped him twice so far. (Good thing she has more tact than me !!) They get along great, so I hope she doesn't push it too far. I always taught her to be able to argue both sides of an arguement before engaging. She pulled that trick on him, and really floored him. His response? "Vally goot Glasshoppa!" Sounds like she has HIM thinking.....
 
#37 ·
28 years ago, on the Left Coast I took a PolySci class at Palomar College taught by a prof that in that era was considered a fairly left leaning liberal Democrat(Pat Archer)....one of his favorite quotes was " When it comes to international relations,there is no right or wrong,only self preservation!" At the time, it didn't mean much to me,but as I've grown older I've come to respect his insight.
Unfortunately, the current crop of democrats are so partisen and power hungry, they blatently reject this wisdom. I just wonder if Mr. Archer is still a Democrat???? You're never too old to learn!
 
#40 · (Edited by Moderator)
MI2600 said:
Thanks Jon. You hit a couple of nails on the head.

I read this board to enjoy my hobby, not to have someone try to shovel their politics on me. I PM'd a member about one of his statements and he didn't have the courtesy to reply.

Until the election is over...

Signed,

War Criminal
Whats the deal? Nobody is shoving anything on you. The only thing going on here is you interfering with people trying to have grown up discussions.

I don't know who you PM'd, but if you have something to say, why don't you say it along with the offensive material? It is pretty chicken otherwise.

If you want to mock me with the war criminal statement that is fine. I am man enough not to wine about it. I did not make up the fact that Kerry is a war criminal. He admitted to it under oath in front of the Senate in 1971, and then a week after that again on "Meet the Press".
 
#41 ·
Kerry/Fonda for Prez!
"Fonda (1937-) began her antiwar appearances at rallies in 1969. Even today she remains "Hanoi Jane" because of her 1972 trip to Hanoi and her broadcast on Hanoi radio in which she appealed to American pilots to end bombing of North Vietnam. At scholarly conferences on the war, such as the 1996 conference held at the Vietnam Archives in Lubbock, Texas, her name still causes emotional outbursts. She actually apologized on ABC's 20/20 program 17 June 1988, but many of her detractors today have forgotten that or do not accept her apology. Her statement was to GIs, whom she never intended to harm. It is interesting to note that as a sex symbol in 1962, the Pentagon hired Fonda as "Miss Army Recruiting." By 1972, she had become radicalized (by the war, by her marriage to Tom Hayden (1972-89), and by her association with other radicals). That year she made several antiwar skits on film, including "Free (****) the Army." In 1974, she made a second trip to Vietnam with her husband Hayden."
 
#43 ·
10. Remember: if someone disagrees with you, it's because they're stupid. The smart people are the ones that agree with you. One day, we'll all live in a perfect world where everyone thinks and acts exactly like you. But we'll never reach that day without you telling everyone that disagrees with you how stupid they truly are.

you got the main truth right here, Jon. just make me KING and all will be well. i'll quit in 10 years. I PROMISE. trouble is, no matter what i do or what i say, i'm always full of BULL, BABY!

as for debates, what's to debate? who the biggest liar is? Both of them are the very BOTTOM OF THE BARREL. I vote for whoever the libertarian party is running. i voted for Nader once, but now i realize the green party is an international party, and i hate international fingers in my US pie.
 
#46 · (Edited by Moderator)
BT74 said:
28 years ago, on the Left Coast I took a PolySci class at Palomar College taught by a prof that in that era was considered a fairly left leaning liberal Democrat(Pat Archer)....one of his favorite quotes was " When it comes to international relations,there is no right or wrong,only self preservation!" At the time, it didn't mean much to me,but as I've grown older I've come to respect his insight.
Unfortunately, the current crop of democrats are so partisen and power hungry, they blatently reject this wisdom. I just wonder if Mr. Archer is still a Democrat???? You're never too old to learn!
The Democrats aren't what they used to be. Roosevelt :)got us out of the depression and kicked the Nazis *, and 35 years later Carter:evil: fails to defend Iran (one of our allys at the time), gives away the Panama Canal, and other things to appease the enemy. If you give a mouse a cookie, it'll ask for a glass of milk...

And Regan (a Republican, now it's the Republicrat Party)ended (and won) the Cold War.

But personally, I'd prefer an independent party... like this guy. He should run and with enough funds to advertise and get the word out, maybe he'd win the office and get the Demoncrats, Aristocrats, Communists, Liberals, appeasers for the minority vote (Bush on legalizing illegal immigration) and flippers(hmmm... anyone with a brain knows this) out of there. He's a political talk show host and he bases both of 'em.:)

************ www.michaelsavage.com *************
 
#47 ·
Right on Jon!
All this political ga-ga is enough to make the average idiot want to pencil in Mickey Mouse. I guess I kind of fall in there though, with all the rest of 'em, cause I just can't get my mind around just how this new Bush post-911 super intelligence community let 350 tons of high explosives slip through their fingers without a clue of where they went. I'm sure W. will have the answer, He's an "answer kind of a guy." :drunk: ;)
 
#49 ·
PrimeMover said:
Right on Jon!
All this political ga-ga is enough to make the average idiot want to pencil in Mickey Mouse. I guess I kind of fall in there though, with all the rest of 'em, cause I just can't get my mind around just how this new Bush post-911 super intelligence community let 350 tons of high explosives slip through their fingers without a clue of where they went. I'm sure W. will have the answer, He's an "answer kind of a guy." :drunk: ;)

Oops..........
By Monday night it was learned that NBC News had imbedded reporters with the 101st Airborne as they took over the facility on April 10, 2003. The conclusion of NBC, “the troops never found the nearly 380 tons of some of the most powerful conventional explosives, called HMX and RDX, which is now missing.” The Pentagon makes the same claim.

The New York Times story failed to mention that. John Kerry has yet to mention that. In fact, they are still using the story on Tuesday afternoon as if the NBC revelation never happened.
 
#50 ·
BT74 said:
Oops..........
By Monday night it was learned that NBC News had imbedded reporters with the 101st Airborne as they took over the facility on April 10, 2003. The conclusion of NBC, “the troops never found the nearly 380 tons of some of the most powerful conventional explosives, called HMX and RDX, which is now missing.” The Pentagon makes the same claim.

Well let's see... It's Friday night now and the word (complete with pictures people and troops to back up the claim) is already out BIG TIME. It's obviously quite troubling to the Bush administration that last year's looting of the ammo dumps in question came to light this far before the election. Iraqi insurgents systematically looted the unguarded 377 ton cache of high explosives, on a nightly basis. The pentagon was notified and stated that the problem would be dealt with - it obviously wasn't, for obvious reasons. The "party concerned" was later told there simply were not enough troops to provide even minimal security at the site.
Cheney is obviously furious with the timing of this latest revelation but is still willing to try and sweep it under the rug until after the election. Although he has absolutely NO proof, He still claims the explosives were gone long before the US invasion, even when presented with these new facts. For Cheney to make this statement, in light of all this new proof of fact, leads me to believe he's either an idiot or a liar or both.

Nationally, I have a feeling I'm not alone.
 
#51 ·
I must say that I am inspired by Bush's vigor. He is definately determined.

His determination reminds me of a joke:

Overheard on a Polish airliner..."Dear passengers, we have good news and bad news...the bad news is we're lost, the good news is we're making great time."

No offense to Polish people, but this is the feeling I get.

In all fairness, we probably shouldn't know the exact plan anyways.

I also feel that changing regimes in the middle of this conflict would be a bad idea.

Yet, I don't agree with Bush on far too many points. His administration has created jobs, but who can afford to raise a family working for minimum wage at a fast food restaraunt?

I don't have a clue how Kerry will perfom, and I am scared about Edwards being in the position to run the country if something happens to Kerry.

Cheney, on the other hand is a very direct determined individual.

I still have no idea how I am going to vote.l
 
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