The 54 Year Old Teenager. - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 08:34 AM
CrashFarmer2's Avatar
Dried up in the Drought! :(
 
Last wiki edit: Pre-1980 VIN decoding
Last journal entry: 1978 Chevy pickup battery tray repair
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Iowa
Age: 57
Posts: 527
Wiki Edits: 409

Thanks: 19
Thanked 34 Times in 29 Posts
The 54 Year Old Teenager.

Now my brother tells me that mom's computer disappeared. My sister came down to "visit" our 83 year old mother and took her computer. She had asked mom if she could use it a couple of weeks ago and mom had told her no, but sis never takes no for an answer if she wants something of our mother's. Over the years all kinds of stuff has come up missing from mom's pricey treadmill to some little exercise thing that you tied to a doorknob. My dad has been dead for over 25 years and I remember him telling me that he thought my sister and her then husband were stealing meat out of the freezer when nobody was home.

My sister is a real piece of work, she cannot seem to keep a job and nobody can stand to be around her for long. She cannot keep that big annoying mouth shut much to her detriment. She was only two weeks shy of a operating room tech degree when she got kicked out of school for running that mouth. They had warned her that was what was going to happen if she didn't cork that mouth up but she just can't seem to do it. She has a bunch of hours of college but she never finished anything. She always has managed to screw it up before she gets that little piece of paper. She has the same problem with any job. She just can't keep out of other people's business and running that mouth always gets her into trouble, but it's never her fault in her mind.

Mom has basically supported her since she got divorced in 1998. She can't keep a job and thinks she is entitled to some kind of extravagant lifestyle. Mom did let the last new car my sister bought get repoed, still didn't seem to be a learning experience for her but she hasn't bought another new one. There was a private detective show up at my door a couple of years ago looking for my niece. I asked him what he wanted and he was looking to repossess my niece's SUV. Then all the sudden there was another "visit" to poor old mom and ever since then my sister has been driving that vehicle.

My sister keeps my mother broke so she cannot even get another car for herself.

I'm at wits end. I tell my mom that the best thing she could do for sis is to cut the checkbook off. I tell her my sister needs to lose her apartment (mom subsidizes the rent) and anything else. I tell mom my sister needs to get down to broke and homeless before she is going to realize that she is the one that has a problem and needs help, it's not the rest of the world. This has been going on for years and I wish I could get it resolve with something less than going to court and having mom declared incompetent so somebody else could run the finances and quit doling out money to my sister.

A 54 year old mommy supported teenage is pretty pathetic !
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 09:10 AM
boatbob2
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: north florida
Age: 76
Posts: 1,367
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 5
Thanked 22 Times in 19 Posts
M ommy.......

Its time for you to go to court and get a legal guardianship ,whereby you are in LEGAL charge of youre mother and her possessions,then if your sister tries to make any fast moves,she will be in contempt of court.......dont be afraid to have her arrested,i think that time is past due....AND,i would go now,and retrieve your moms computer...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 09:30 AM
TucsonJay's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 765
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 79 Times in 61 Posts
Our family has had lots of experience with problem personalities. These kinds of people very often do NOT have the ability to change their behavior. A logical choice that would be relatively easy for you to make, often is not even a possibility for some of them... even though you think it should be. My own mother taught me that!

Just be sure to protect your own sanity. Don't expect miracles when dealing with problem personalities. Often they are beyond help, and you need to realize you may not be able to have any control over the situation. If you make a sincere effort and it doesn't work out, just be glad your intentions were to do good.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 09:38 AM
MARTINSR's Avatar
Brian Martin,Freelance adviser
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San francisco bay area
Age: 55
Posts: 12,671
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 611
Thanked 944 Times in 845 Posts
Oh my God do I feel sorry for you. I have seen it, thank God it hasn't happened to me personally but I have seen it and it breaks your heart. You have a project ahead of you that is for sure. If you can make your mother see and give up control of the money to you is the path you need to take. To MAKE your mother give it up isn't usually what will work, you will end up with her hating you. I am thinking if you can let her "off the hook" so she doesn't have to be the bad guy, you have to assume she doesn't like the daughter ripping her off, so she may give it to you so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.I am thinking that is your angle to get this done. I feel for you, this sucks big time.

Brian
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 09:45 AM
MARTINSR's Avatar
Brian Martin,Freelance adviser
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San francisco bay area
Age: 55
Posts: 12,671
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 611
Thanked 944 Times in 845 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by TucsonJay View Post
Our family has had lots of experience with problem personalities. These kinds of people very often do NOT have the ability to change their behavior. A logical choice that would be relatively easy for you to make, often is not even a possibility for some of them... even though you think it should be. My own mother taught me that!

Just be sure to protect your own sanity. Don't expect miracles when dealing with problem personalities. Often they are beyond help, and you need to realize you may not be able to have any control over the situation. If you make a sincere effort and it doesn't work out, just be glad your intentions were to do good.
Very well said Jay, there is only so much you can do. And often, these people just simply can not be helped and if living on the street is where they will be, then so be it. I have spoken before about my friend who I took care of like that for 3.5 years living in a camp trailer in my back yard. I did EVERYTHING for this guy trying to teach him about selling things on eBay, about handling his money, it was hopeless. He is not a bad guy, but I came to the point that it had to end, I gave him 6 months to find a place, SIX MONTHS, he did nothing, not a single thing to find a place. I gave him his $15K cash I had of his from selling his 57 Chevy and he was gone and lived in an hotel until every dime was gone!

Now my wife has a friend who mooches and mooches and the other day something happened that I am damn sure was a con, and I will be damned if I am going to put up with someone stealing from me, being screwed up is one thing, stealing is another. So my wife and I are on the same wavelength that she is getting cut off and to hell with what happens. OUR family comes first.

Brian
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 10:10 AM
CrashFarmer2's Avatar
Dried up in the Drought! :(
 
Last wiki edit: Pre-1980 VIN decoding
Last journal entry: 1978 Chevy pickup battery tray repair
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Iowa
Age: 57
Posts: 527
Wiki Edits: 409

Thanks: 19
Thanked 34 Times in 29 Posts
There are four of us, my older sister, me, then the problem child and a younger brother. We are all in our 50's now so younger is kind of a relative term.

The three of us have discussed the court thing and it would hurt mom and we don't really want to do that. Mom is 83 but she has a good mind yet and is very independent and stubborn.

I have suggested that my younger sister move in with mom. Mom needs the help, she is getting so she has a hard time getting around and can't even cook her own meals anymore. Mom is very independent and still wants to live on the family farm 11 miles from town by herself which is a worry in itself. A couple of times this winter she fell getting out of her car and couldn't get up but she had her cell phone and called the neighbors for help. Once this winter she fell inside her house at night and my wife and I went over. I didn't have a key to the door since mom had a new door put in and I couldn't get in. I called the sheriff to see if there was some way he could get into the house but he told me that I would have to break in. The sheriff wanted me to call him back when I got in the house. Mom managed to scoot herself to the door and reached the lock so I could get in. I got her up and she was ok but she was mad when I called the sheriff back. I figured that since mom is supporting my sister anyway she might as well be living with her. Mom thinks that my sister would drive her crazy if she moved in. My younger brother thinks we should move a mobile home in beside mom's house for my sister to live in. Mom could use the help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 10:40 AM
MARTINSR's Avatar
Brian Martin,Freelance adviser
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San francisco bay area
Age: 55
Posts: 12,671
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 611
Thanked 944 Times in 845 Posts
I hate to say it but it sounds like your sister is way too selfish to actually help. I think your mom is right, she would do nothing but drive her crazy.

Unfortunately it may come down to you letting the crap happen and turning a blind eye. If it's ok with your mom, what can you do? I am thinking the only way is if and when your mom sees that she is let off the hook by giving up her powers and that she will be treated well by you and your good siblings. But in the mean time I am thinking sis is gong to continue taking what she can you will have to turn away, or it will drive you crazy. Man does this suck, I feel so bad for you, I have seen it too many times. I am so thankful that this crap didn't happen with my family regarding my parents.


Brian
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2013, 10:03 PM
bullheimer's Avatar
NEVER use credit cards!
 

Last journal entry: car with tt2's, (stockers going back on)
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: North of Seattle
Posts: 2,524
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
i feel for you too, sis will take everything that isnt nailed down.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 04-01-2013, 04:35 AM
poncho62's Avatar
Out of the Loop Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Streetbeasts links
Last journal entry: at car show
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Hanover, Ontario, Canada
Age: 61
Posts: 16,776
Wiki Edits: 5

Thanks: 19
Thanked 228 Times in 188 Posts
I think it comes down to...No matter what, a mother loves her kids.....Some take advantage of that.

I think you 3 other siblings should sit your sister down and lay out the law. She straightens up, or you will take whatever legal action you can to rectify it. Personally, I dont think you can do much legally
__________________
Ontario Rodders
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 04-06-2013, 09:40 AM
CrashFarmer2's Avatar
Dried up in the Drought! :(
 
Last wiki edit: Pre-1980 VIN decoding
Last journal entry: 1978 Chevy pickup battery tray repair
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Iowa
Age: 57
Posts: 527
Wiki Edits: 409

Thanks: 19
Thanked 34 Times in 29 Posts
Now my mom and brother say my sister is going to be tested, I'm not sure what kind of tests she is getting but I hope they help her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-06-2013, 10:06 AM
MARTINSR's Avatar
Brian Martin,Freelance adviser
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San francisco bay area
Age: 55
Posts: 12,671
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 611
Thanked 944 Times in 845 Posts
I hope so too.

Brian
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 04-06-2013, 10:16 AM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 61
Posts: 2,697
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 97
Thanked 92 Times in 58 Posts
Drop her off like a stray dog out in the country far, far away.

It amazes me how many folk I know with the same problem. One of my buddies lucked out and his sis is in jail now for fraud. There are elder abuse places one may be able to contact.
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
America's Oldest Teenager Dead at 82 wretched ratchet Off-Topic 6 04-19-2012 03:27 PM
just a teenager at heart, ************** gmrx2007@yahoo.com Introduce Yourself 1 08-13-2011 06:11 AM
Quadrajet float level: Carb year or CAR year? itstorque Engine 12 11-02-2010 08:17 PM
Driving with a teenager and Insurance Not A T 25 Hotrodders' Lounge 3 09-09-2003 06:44 PM
Young activist...or scared teenager? mustangbaby Hotrodders' Lounge 7 03-10-2003 07:04 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:18 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.