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Anti-Hot Rods

7K views 48 replies 37 participants last post by  jray 
#1 ·
OK, we've had fun with the best muscle car, let's turn it on its head and list the frumpiest, least-hip, slowest, ugliest rides we know.

Here's my candidate:

1961 Rambler American 4-door
170 c.i. six (last flathead made)
13" steelies w/ blackwalls and tiny hubcaps
vacuum windshield wipers that stop when you step on the gas, great for entering freeways in a downpour
chic twotone Crest toothpaste green-on-creme paint, rust optional
driven by an elderly man who looks like he belongs in an ad for laxatives, with a fedora hat centered exactly on his head, exactly 18mph (23 mph on freeways)
 
#30 ·
Some later thoughts

Probably this thread is dead, but I can't resist -- I've seen these cars when they were new.

First, I liked my Pacer -- it was nearly a junker, but fun. I also liked my Horizon(same as Omni). And as an early teen, I liked the first year valiants.

Hated -- 57 chev always have, always will - liked 56, 58, and 59
- most 56-59 Dodge/Plymouths
- most 61-64 Dodge/Plymouths
Early Toyotas --unbelievably ugly
Most any Citroen
Aztec and the Chev truck with the plastic crap
Almost every recent Japanese car -- headlights are squinty
-- unfortunately, the style is catching on

Also rans - Ford Crown Vics and Chev Impalas -- these were distinctive
cars -- the later versions are just a nameplate on a generic

Best nostalgias -- Mustangs and GTs --FoMoCo finally got something tigh

Ford2go
 
#31 ·
455poncho said:
My vote, my best friend had a VW Bus in high school. It was booger green with flower curtains. Once we tried to get a 0-60 time, let's put it this way - after 9 minutes we gave up at 52 mph.

Hey, I resemble that remark. I had a 1962 VW Microbus delivery in HS as well, no side windows, 6 volt system. 50 hp. Painted bright Yellow. Everyone called it the Yellow Submarine. Gold shag carpet interior to boot. (circa 1975)

I did get it over 60 once, going down a steep hill with the clutch in. But I didn't think it was ugly, just a POS.

Old threads never die, they just get recycled.
 
#32 ·
poncho62 said:
This thread should have died in 2002......................But, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO somebody just had to dig it up.
Crazy people around here are always digging things up out of the weeds and scrap piles.

The Aztec is actually the perfect new car: There is absolutely nothing you can do to it that will make it uglier. Park it at Wallymart and have some 300 pound SUV rider ping-pong their door off of it while wallowing out onto the parking lot, it will look better. Ram it into a wall, it will look better. Let a flock of peacocks roost on it and drop softball-sized piles of manure on it, it will look better.

Most anti-hotrod car I've encountered was a Pinto station wagon with one of those Rolls Royce nose kits kind of tacked on it. Those things were good for a laugh when they first appeared on Beetles. It was just shockingly ugly on this Pinto. It had the vinyl wood tape with that sickly faded yellow trim stuff around it. Original engine, original dog-feeder dish hubcaps.
 
#33 ·
Kevin45 said:
1961 Plymouth Valiant. Neighbor had one when I was growing up. Definately not a Cool car.


Kevin

[ December 08, 2002: Message edited by: Kevin45 ]</p>

You are KILLING me! That was my first car ever. Well, almost. I had a 4 door. The best $200 I ever spent. That is the car I lost, but that is a story for another time............
 
#34 ·
The 61 Valiant was a real thing of beauty parked next to a 51 bathtub Nash. I had one of 'em back in the mid 60's and got laughed off the street more then once with it. Funny thing was, you just couldn't kill that old tub. Some people with "vision" are actually starting to streetrod those old tubs now and I can't say they look half-bad either!
 

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#35 ·
Hey, I resemble that remark. I had a 1962 VW Microbus delivery in HS as well, no side windows, 6 volt system. 50 hp. Painted bright Yellow. Everyone called it the Yellow Submarine. Gold shag carpet interior to boot. (circa 1975)
I was watching the R&M car auction yesterday on the tube. The VW buses are commanding high dollars. A 21 window bus started on the block at $40,000.00 and a VW Camper special with plywood cabinets (I'll say both were around '62 models) also sold for around the same price. Who would have ever thought that those would bring that kind of money. And look at all that has been destroyed over the years :smash: :(
 
#38 ·
ets see. Ford Pinto, Chevy Chevette, Ford Mustang II, AMC Pacer, AMC Gremlin, Dodge Omni, several more I can`t recall,, and almost any new vehicle that looks like it`s a space ship instead of a car, which narrows it down to almost all of them. But honestly, I`d like to have a Gremlin, they were Ugly, but gotta love how they act when you stuff a 400 small block Chevy under the hood.
People badmouth the Pinto, but I bought a new one back in 1971 when I was in college... with the 4 speed and 2.0L engine it would smoke the tires and outrun most small and mid-size cars of the day. I drove the hell out of it for 120,000 miles in upstate NY until the rust, broken front coil springs and a worn cam got to more than I wanted to fix. I sold it to a guy that drove it back and forth to California at least twice before I lost track of it. The base price in '71 was $1919 and with the options, mine cost me $2100... it didn't owe me a thing.
 
#42 ·
Gotta disagree...

I personally think that pretty much every older car mentioned has redeeming qualities & I can see a rod in each & every one of them, some with more work than others.

Nothing has ever been as ugly as the recent horrors. Great calls on the Festiva & Aztec. I have to add to great cars that are practical as heck but just as ugly, my Prius & the Honda Element, which I want to buy a fleet of for delivery vans (4WD, wide side openings, wash it out, Honda reliability, ding-proof panels). Ugliest ever? The recent Monte Carlo. Looks like somebody fused a Saturn front end to a Malibu rear. MUST have had different designers for the front & rear, somebody got fired halfway thru, or something. Augh!

Derm
 
#44 ·
Kevin45 said:


Squint your eyes real hard and that kind of looks like a Henry "J" in the rear.

I said REAL hard :D
I wonder if a guy could widen the nose on a HenryJ enough to fit a 51 Nash body? Then maybe plunk a Cummins turbo diesel in it, and after frenching some 61 Cadillac taillights into the trunk lid, bring the exhaust out through the old tail light holes..... Call it "J. Hashillac" :D

I need a couple Aspirin. All this squintin's givin' me a headache~
 
#46 ·
jray said:
Stock-bodied Henry J would be a natural for SBC engine.....I do like the idea of the Caddy tailights but put them in the stock location...Most people around nowdays have never seen either a Henry J or '61 Caddy tailights!!! :thumbup:
I ain't relly all that old, am I? Back in the 60's, J's were made famous by the gasser crowd. Straight axles, tilt frontends, big slicks and nasty motors - you know the drill. :thumbup:
 
#47 ·
PrimeMover said:
I ain't relly all that old, am I? Back in the 60's, J's were made famous by the gasser crowd.
Ya gotta remembr that when you mention "back in the sixties" that was back in the last century!! :rolleyes:
When you talk about the gasser wars, lots of our rodders weren't even born and have never seen a gasser run except on video....those were the days....The J's, the Anglias etc....and no danged break out rule :nono:

Anyway, Old age is a state of mind...if you don't mind being old it don't matter!! :thumbup:

BTW, my high school ride was a fairly new Henry J owned by a friend (but I ain't old) :nono: :nono:
 
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