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Old 06-17-2004, 12:48 AM
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bad family issues

i know that i shouldn't talk about things like this over the e-net, but i have no one else to talk to so here it is.....

i've talked before about my POS brother stealing from my parents and i which was: about $6,000 in jewelry, $300 shotgun, $150 rifle, several bayonets, several collector knives, and my $250 car stereo and pawning them to support his coke habit.
well, tonight i decided to clean all of my tools and put them up nice and neat, when i noticed that my $300 snap-on air ratchet, my $100 blue point angle die grinder and my mekita grinder were missing.
now i think that i've been more than fare when it comes to "letting ***** go", but this is about to kill me.
i've had a little talk with the mom about kicking his ****ing ***** out of the house, but she says that she can't kick her son out on the streets.
this hits me extremely hard.......
see, i may seem like i'm just another a-hole on this great earth, but i'm not. i strive to help anyone with anything ALWAYS. if something breaks, i'm always there. if someone needs a shoulder to cry on, i'm always there. i do everything in my power to always be there for anyone and everyone. i can't say this enough because i know in my heart just how true it is.
all while my brother is sitting on the couch, getting up just long enough (while we are all working) to steal all of our things that we've worked hard for and getting cash for it at American Pawn, so he can go buy beer, weed and cocaine; and drink, smoke and snort all of MY ***** away.
my mom is talking about moving into our other house with him..., not only will that not workout (thats $1,300 less income a month) but that will break up the family over that stupid piece of *****.
some maybe wondering why i'm still living there, and thats because i'm trying to learn Real Estate (which is also a plan to help my parents retire) (used to be a mechanic, but got out of it recently) and can't afford to make it on my own right now because of some recent issues.
so, i guess what i'm trying to say is, as soon as i correct these "issues", i'm going to pack up my ***** and move far far away from my family (maybe to Florida) and not talk to them for a long while.
i think that for all that i put forth, i should have some say in this matter but i don't. maybe (as selfish as it might seem) a little time away from me may help them to see that sometimes you have to let people go; some people never change.

so, to put it bluntly, i'm selling my good old 65 C-10 and everything else that isn't needed, and i'm getting away from these people that don't appreciate me and everything i do enough to give a damn weather or not i'm gone for good or not. and on the brite side my parents get to stay together.......
just one big happy ****ing family.

had to get that off my chest

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Old 06-17-2004, 01:01 AM
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Sorry to hear about the goings on dude, I hope you fare well in whatever you decide to do. You're right, some people just won't change. Try not to let what's happened ruin your relationship with your parents, you're invaluable to them. Just as your bro is. Good luck.

Larry
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Old 06-17-2004, 01:34 AM
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Sorry to hear about it dude. Life does suck at times.

If I were you I'd beat the living hell out of him until he was half dead! Family or not I would'nt take that BS. Or at the very least kick him out! Sometimes you have to take a step ahead of your parents and take charge. You might get flak for it for awhile, but thats just how it has to be sometimes.

Even if it were my daughter that was messing up, I dont think I would kick her out, but so long as she was living with me then it would me MY house rules, not hers. From some stories people tell I'm glad shes still only 5

Dont take offense to it, but at times you just need to grow up and take charge man. Trust me, these past 2 years of my life have been the worst yet and I'm trying the slow aproach to selling my stuff and getting the hell out of here(but I seem to buy MORE stuff) so I wont have to deal with everything at once, but I've been stuck back at home for these past 2 years and I'm going insane! Thanks to a special friend of mine that made it a bit easier for me allowing me to stay at her place for almost every weekend for about a year, but I havent had that option anymore for about 10 months since that friendship went sour.

Anyway, my opinion is just to take charge and teach him a lesson, or take his stuff and kick his *** out! Thats my opinion.
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Old 06-17-2004, 02:19 AM
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trust me, i've thought about much worse than just beating him within two inches of death.....
the issues that i was talking about are: a while back we got into a fight and he said that he was going to kill me with his shotgun so i grabbed mine and called the police. turns out he didn't have a gun, but i did, so i went to jail on charges of aggrevated assault with a deadly weapon.<<<which is still pending in court, so if i do anything "right now", it would be certain jail time even though i was preventing harm to myself and NEVER pointed the gun nor assaulted him........did i mention that you should never trust a cop???
anywho, so my hands are tied.
i'd love to beat him to death, but its just worth jail time with "big O buck tooth Bubba".

but one day he'll get his from someone. hell he has already been stabbed in the chest by some big o fat woman that he pissed off; and he almost died on the side of the road because he tried to call home and i was on the e-net, lol. he lost so much blood (because he was so drunk) that he smashed into a couple gaurd rails on his way to the hospital. they even had to replace the whole interior in his truck because of all of the blood everywhere. if it would have been 1/2" over, it would have hit his heart and we wouldn't be having these problems anymore.
i may sound harsh when saying these things, but he IS the most worthless POS i know, and when this is all over i will never see nor talk to him ever again.
conversation one year from now....... someone asks "do you have any brothers or sisters?" my reply "no, i was the only child".
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Old 06-17-2004, 03:07 AM
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Well I wont try to say my situation is worse, cause it sounds like it isnt

But I got lucky with the cops. Odd as it may seem I only live 8 miles from DC, but my community only has about 9,000 people (last I checked) living here, mostly spanish and rednecks. Oooo.. When me and my Ex broke up I remember some of the conversations I use to have with her "friends", being that she was from the south it was more like a small town of friends. I remember it got so bad that one of her friends was saying BS, saying that he was coming over to kill me. I was crouched behind the door holding my AK, just waiting for that SOB to show up cause at that point in time I had lost everything and I just did'nt care! Luck was in my favor I guess cause it turned out that he was just mouthing off. A few weeks later though (for reasons I will not mention)I got all my weapons taken away from me by the police and 1 week at dominion. And NO thats not Kings dominion! Still makes me shake. Anyway I never got my gun back nor my whole knife collection I mean some of those knives I have had since I was like 8 or so.

BUT! I had to get a backround check when Trak auto migrated to Advance auto and I got real scared at what I would find. Lucky, again, the cops never filed any paper work, no courts, nothing! I was so relieved... A good thing was that the cops were familier with the people that were causing me trouble and I guess knew how they were sometimes.

Well thats about it, I tried to stay here and make it work(life in general that is), but my attitude and personality since losing most of my life 2 years ago has changed alot and I have worn out my welcome here and exhausted my supply of friends to the point of where I have my mother and cousin that are still around and thats about it. As afoul as it sounds, I also need to get the hell out of here cause my mother is sick and no one seems to want to tell me what is wrong. She knows something is wrong so shes trying as hard as she can to help me get out of here aswell and the child situation doesnt make it any easier either.

Anyway, alot of people got it hard too man. Even if you have to, try and figure out a way to can turn your brother in for the coke habbit or anything else if it's already gotten to or past the point of someone going to jail. I know it sounds like back stabbing, but sometimes you have to take any advantage you can get.

So I'll add to my opinion, if you can't get him out, then do yourself a favor for the long run and pull up stakes and leave. You probably wont regret it.

Hope that reply wasnt too long, looks it.

EDIT: Oh! Remember.. People may say they are your friends and that they want to help, but when it comes down to it, if you can't do something for them in return, they dont want nothing to do with ya! So DONT lay your problems on them, find someplace "private" where you can ***** about things. Just my opinion.

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Old 06-17-2004, 04:24 AM
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Akm,

Running away isn't going to fix anything. I can see moving across town or something, not three or four states.

You have some conections in town and use them. Continue the real estate and work hard to get customers. Let your family go fore a while, you can't control them anyways.

Once you look at all your options, then cary them through. Take some time and think solutions instead of quickest excape.

Been there done that...It dosen't help.

PM me once you figure what your doing with your truck.
Hang in there, your reacting instead of acting, sometimes doing nothing is better than anything else.

Dutch
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Old 06-17-2004, 06:50 AM
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The only advice I can offer since I have a younger brother who also was the family screw-up is for you to make sure that your possessions are locked up at all times. Secure your tools, get locks for your bedroom door, etc. THEN when the time is right and funds permit move out and dont provide your family with your address. Visit THEM when you feel you need to have contact.
I have a younger brother that pulled the same kinda crap you've been talking about. Stole and pawned everything he could get his hands on so he could drink to his heart's content. When my father passed away my older brother and I divided all Dad's tools between us and gave my younger brother nothing....we knew he would pawn it all if given the chance. We told him he'd get his share when he grows up...its 7 years since Dad passed away and needless to say my "baby" brother still hasn't received his share...probably never will.
As for moving out, I never felt better and more at ease until I distanced myself from from my brother. Like most people I myself had enuf to deal with in my own life let alone deal with the nonsense and BS of an irresponsible sibling.
Best of luck and I hope you can find some well deserved peace in this issue.
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Old 06-17-2004, 07:56 AM
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Junky=piece of Crap!

You can NEVER trust a junky to do the right thing because the right thing to him is to get high at any cost. Your family isn't helping things, inabling the *** hole to feed off your assets to feed his coke habit. I know the program and the 12 step's work only when some peolpe are MADE to work a PROGRAM OR BE KICKED OUT OF THEIR FAMILY'S LIFE FOR GOOD. I don't deal well with theives so I would put his butt in jail, family or not. He is counting on no one pressing charges against him and will continue till he's either dead or in jail for his actions. Thats a junky's life. Making them do the right things is called tough love.


Tazz


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Old 06-17-2004, 08:02 AM
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Hey AKM, I've been where you are at, only it was my son who was stealing stuff not only from me, but from anyone else who wasn't looking. It sounds like he has a substance abuse problem, and stealing from family members to support that habit will continue until he hits rock bottom or until your parents toss him out. It is a tough thing for your parents also, believe me.
For you though, I would get my affairs in order as quickly as possible for a move several states away as you suggested.
Until you're ready to hit the freeway, invest in some locks and lock everything you own, even if you have to rent a rental storage unit. Also kick the ***t out of your brother and tell him he has caused this move and is going to kill his/your parents if he doesn't get help for his addiction. Not sure how old he is, but I suspect late teens early twenties and not working very much if at all.
Best of luck to you. Hopefully the family and especially your brother will realize the reason you have bailed out. You need and deserve peace in your life. And, real estate is hot in Florida with all of the baby-boomers retiring. Wash dishes or set tables down there for a while while you're working to get your realtor licenses. Keep your phone number and address unknown.
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Old 06-17-2004, 08:28 AM
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Sorry about your situation. Tazz is right on the money. I have a brother who's eldest son was the same way. They finally agreed on "tough love" and threw him out. Naturally he got in trouble and begged them to help. They stuck to their guns, and after he did 2 years, and became clean and stayed on his own for a few more years they started a new relationship with him. He is a totally NEW person. I'm not saying everyone can do this, but who knows. One other thing you must not blame your mom: its a maternal thing that almost all women posess about their children. Ask her if she would rather go to his funeral, or visit him in prison as the next time YOU are going to charge him. Don't screw your life up for a misfit!
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Old 06-17-2004, 10:00 AM
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I can't say I 'understand' how it is for you man. All I can say is that when I try to 'imagine' it pisses me off to see good folks get ***** on. Sounds like you have everyone and everything going against your grain right now and that's not cool. I know you're about to reach your breaking point, and just getting to where you are at now took alot. You know how to look after yourself and you know what you have to give up to do it.

YOU are the only person on this earth that knows what's best for you. But you have to be aware of the consequences of your actions (good and bad). Sometimes they hurt others, sometimes it's a mutual better. But if those people that you coincidentally hurt are the ones that are hurting YOU now, and they don't even know it, it's easier to make your decisions knowing that nothing is intentional.

I wish you luck and strength in whatever path you take. And if that path leads you to SC, let me know ahead of time.





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Old 06-17-2004, 10:48 AM
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First of all....Just because you are 'blood' doesn't necessarily make you family. I have found this out with my family. I have 3 people that I am very close with that I truly consider "family" out of my entire 'blood relatives'....that is my Dad,His dad and mom....my own mother doesn't call/visit. She forgot my birthday(her ONLY child) everybody on her side calls ONLY when they want something or need something fixed. I see/talk to my dad and grandfather on regular basis. I moved out and got married young. Now I have my own family and home, and have never looked back once. I have very close friends that I consider part of my family. I guess what I am trying to say is this....Your true family is who you decide to make your family...friends,relatives,etc. There will be people that will just never learn...family or not....so do NOT put up with the lying,stealing,cheating!
Secondly....He has stolen YOUR personal possesions....cut and dry. Call the cops, send his *** to jail. He has a cocaine problem, which means that he probably has some in his possession at most times, home or not. As soon as he leaves the house, call the cops, send his *** to jail. He is pawning everything he can get his hands on...go to the pawnshops and look for you belongings, tell the shop owner that they are yours and were stolen, and if the 'seller' comes back into the shop again to call you immediately...when he calls, call the cops, meet them at the pawnshop and send his *** to jail. He will not learn until he is forced to learn! I know that you have had a bad experience with the police in the past(because of your brother!) You need to go talk to the city prosecutor and explain the situation, and suggest to him that something needs to be done immediately.
You need to go buy an electric engraver and engrave everything...I mean EVERYTHING that YOU own with your Soc.Sec# or something identifiable. When you find something missing, report it stolen immediately, go to the pawnshop and look for it....You now have proof that it is yours and a police report to back it up. Maybe when the police get tired of hearing your voice and are tired of taking reports of your brother stealing things....they will realize that maybe he IS a thief and addict. Do not mark your parents items...they don't care, why should you. Eventually they will get tired of it and do the same.
Put a large lock on your door...something like a shed door lock with a GOOD padlock...something tamperproof. Put all of your possessions in your room. Put a bar in the window to prevent opening from the outside. Make it known to the entire household what you are doing and what your plans are.
You brother owns absolutely nothing except for his clothes and some coke...correct? Find his stash...wait for him to see you with it and flush it down the toilet. Then everytime he has some coke...take it and flush it.
He will eventually just carry it with him...then when he leaves the house. go to a public phone and annonymously report him with it in his possession and his 'intent to distribute'. Tell them that you seen him sell/buy it on the street.
I do not normally condone any type of lying, but in your circumstance that is the only way that anyone will benefit from the situation.
Later,
WEIMER
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Old 06-17-2004, 10:53 AM
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AKM,

I'd say pull up the stakes and head out just like everyone else, but my reason for saying so is a bit different. Your avatar says you are 22 years old. At 22 you should definitely be on your own by now. I know you said you have other issues going on, but I don't think living with your parents at that age is a healthy thing. Its much harder living on your own, things like toilet paper and lightswitches begin to cost money...but its a function of responsibility and everyone needs it. I think you'll do very well for yourself to move out. I don't think its running from a problem either, growing up and moving out from under your parent's wing is just a necessary part of life.
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Old 06-17-2004, 11:00 AM
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Kill him and plea insanity, you could pull it off.


My grandparents go through this with my mom's crazy/useless sister, 38 and still living, sorry LEACHING off of her parents. I'm going to disagree with Dutchman about looking for solutions instead of an escape. You should only look for a solution if it's your problem. Even as the brother I would just move away from that problem, when it can be done financially. You're opinions on what to do don't seem to be taken into consideration so screw all of them, after a while your parents will figure it out. Still talk to them on the phone, but be far enough away that your as$hole brother can't break into your house when you're at work (don't think it wouldn't happen.)
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Old 06-17-2004, 11:32 AM
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You're in a tough situation Aaron,, and everyone has given you some good advice and some bad advice,, first of all, you have found out that if it comes to the point of kicking his ***, that YOU will be the one that pays the price, Is it really worth the effort??

Your mom is doing just what most moms would do, trying to help her son, thats not going to change it seems, being a parent, I know that its really hard to see your kids doing these things that are ruining their lives, and your moms health, I had some problems with my youngest son, and I was ready to do some drastic things to his body too, but why?? it wouldn't change anything, so I just did the TOUGH LOVE thing, he came home one day and his black garbage bag with his worldly possations was on the door step, he had no place to go, but I didn't care, something had to be done, I don't know where he went,what he did, but I do know that he came back 15 days later with a changed attitude and a kicked habit, he hasn't went back to his old ways for 4 years now, and he's doing great, I am helping him get started in a rod shop, so I guess I won,

I think this is what your parents need to do to your brother, he has a problem that can't be ignored much longer, he's at the point where he will either end up in jail for a long time or DEAD,
or even worse, your mom will be there, someone needs to get him into drug rehab, or turn him in to the authorities, he is commiting a crime when he steals your property, and they will prosacute him. and hopefully they will send him to rehab, he isn't going to do this on his own, you and your parents need to do this, he won't understand that its best for him, but thats the way it has to be,

Moving away might seem like the easy out and it probably is , but that will put a hardship on you, and your parents since you are trying to do the right thing and make something of your self, HE is the cancer, that needs to be removed, sounds like your mom has tried her best to help him, with out much luck but don't condem her for trying to help him, thats the mother instinct, and she will continue to try to help him it sounds like, he is still doing these things because he gets away with it, no concuences, just a lot of famly problems which isn't good, he needs to face the music and suffer from his actions, enough that he will want to change his ways, maybe some time in jail would do that, and get him away from the drugs. TOUGH ROW TO HOE!! but thats his problem , get help or get OUT, period, quit beating yourself up over this crap, its not your fault, just live your life and make the BEST you can out of it, if he don't streighten up and make a better life for himself thats too bad, at least everyone tried,

I really hope things get better for you, you are too young to have to suffer for what a stupid *** brother does, YOU are the victum in this ,,, do something about it, NO offence Aaron ,,,just my opinion and nothing more... GOOD LUCK TO YOU,,, BILL
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