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Old 10-12-2003, 07:24 PM
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kitkar kitkar is offline
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Your characters are too polite, unless this is Smalltown, USA. The storyline is as believable as F&F, I suppose. You need to start revealing the plot real soon.

It's got potential, but it's gettin' boring fast. Chapter three needs a police raid, a fire, a zombie with a chainsaw, or some kind of bone chiller. The fact that anyone 14 can write complete sentences anymore thrills me. Keep working on it Alex. Best sellers don't come easy unless you're Oprah.

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