One morning, three Southerners and three Yankees were in a ticket
counter line at a train station. The three Northerners each bought a ticket
and watched as the three Southerners bought just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one
of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from the South.
All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the
three Southerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect
tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket, please."
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in
hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea;
indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and
save some money.
That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single
ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the
three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked a perplexed
"Watch and learn," answered the three Southern boys in unison.
When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves
into a toilet and the three Southerners crammed into another toilet just
down the way.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their
toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.
The Southerner knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees ever
won the war.
I thought this one up yesterday. I apologize in advance...
When the cook over-did the order for a rare steak, he made a missed steak.
Bubba and Earl were sitting in Bubba's boat fishing,, when Bubba speaks up and says,, "you know Earl I think I'm gonna divorce my ole lady,, she ain't talked to me in over a week,", Bubba replys.." Ya better think that over a bit Earl...., them kind of women are hard to find,,"
Rodeo Bulls............................................. ..........................................A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year".
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow?"
Sex is like a Gas station.
Sometimes you get full service,
Sometimes you have to ask for service
And sometimes you have to be happy with self-service.
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays baseball for the Rockies but I was just too embarrassed to say."
A married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife is all curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area." He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement, she gets up and starts stripping right in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?" His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown.... I thought it was foreplay."
The husband says, "No, not at all." His wife asks angrily, "Well, then what the hell were you doing?" He says... "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."
Floyd's wife LuLu was going into labor, with her baby, and since they lived so far up in the woods and didn't have a phone,, Floyd told one of the other jkids to get on the tractor and go fetch the dr.
pretty soon the dr shows up ,, na dprepares to deliver LuLu's new baby,, but not havin any electricity, the dr asks Floyd to hold up a lantern so he can see what he is doing to deliver the baby,, so Floyd holds the lantern up high and out pops a baby boy,, Floyd sets the lantern down and reaches for the new baby,,hold on Floyd,,the doc says, and tells him to hold that lantern up again,, i think theres another baby in there,,, shore nuff, out pops another one ,, a little girl this time,, so again Floyd reaches for the new baby,, again The dr tells him to hold up the lantern,, that there was still another baby in there,, Floyd,, then kinda stunned,, says Damn dr ya recon the light is whats attractin these babys????
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