Daily funny--- Revisited - Page 103 - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1531 (permalink)  
Old 05-28-2010, 10:23 AM
carsavvycook's Avatar
My 2 cents worth
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Lakeside, CA
Age: 58
Posts: 2,855
Wiki Edits: 3

Thanks: 2
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
New Madam, New Whores


A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.

She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little?", she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Ray, came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Ray!"

    Advertisement
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #1532 (permalink)  
Old 05-28-2010, 10:49 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
ruh roh lmao
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1533 (permalink)  
Old 05-28-2010, 05:31 PM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
Hey did you hear about old Bubba beating his wife and mother-in-law to death with a hammer?

Nooooo, that $%#@$%^$# told me he didn't have a hammer and borrowed mine !
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1534 (permalink)  
Old 05-29-2010, 10:04 AM
staleg's Avatar
Registered User
 

Last journal entry: Hand brake
Last photo:
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Norway - Europe
Age: 47
Posts: 787
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1535 (permalink)  
Old 05-29-2010, 10:08 AM
staleg's Avatar
Registered User
 

Last journal entry: Hand brake
Last photo:
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Norway - Europe
Age: 47
Posts: 787
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1536 (permalink)  
Old 05-30-2010, 01:10 PM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 62
Posts: 2,716
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 108
Thanked 116 Times in 81 Posts
A man was walking home late at night and saw a woman in the shadows.
'Twenty dollars' she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, But decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks So they hide in the Bushes.

They're 'engaged' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on Them. It is a police officer.

'What's going on here, people?' asks the officer.

'I'm making love to my wife!,' Bubba answers sounding annoyed

'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'

'Well, neither did I, 'til ya shined that light in her face! "
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1537 (permalink)  
Old 06-01-2010, 09:42 AM
OLNOLAN's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,082
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 434
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Smiley

First three are pretty good, heres the link;

http://www.2theadvocate.com/columnis.../95238269.html
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1538 (permalink)  
Old 06-01-2010, 09:49 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
LMAO at the second one "Stirring Words"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1539 (permalink)  
Old 06-01-2010, 02:50 PM
OLNOLAN's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,082
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 434
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Getting The Message

W.R.,The dog with the sign had me rolling.
Here's a link to the PETA chick, if she had turned around, I would have thrown her some beads. Nolan

http://www.2theadvocate.com/news/94895589.html

Last edited by OLNOLAN; 06-01-2010 at 02:51 PM. Reason: forgot the link
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1540 (permalink)  
Old 06-02-2010, 09:26 AM
blue54's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Graham, Washington
Age: 59
Posts: 46
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine
was able to give birth.. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1541 (permalink)  
Old 06-04-2010, 06:46 AM
OLNOLAN's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,082
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 434
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Too Good!

FOTCROFLMAO
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1542 (permalink)  
Old 06-04-2010, 08:54 AM
OLNOLAN's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,082
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 434
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Always Get A Second Opinion

Thibodeaux went to see a Psychiatrist with a problem. He explained to the Dr. that he could not sleep at night because he had a feeling that someone was under his bed.

The Dr. told him if he came to see him once a week at $165 an hour, he could cure him in about a year.

Thibodeaux said he'd think about it.

Six months later the Dr. ran into Thibodeaux in town and asked why he had not returned for treatment.

Thibodeaux said his bartender buddy Boudreaux had cured him.

Dr. says, I like to know how he did that!

Thibodeaux said, He told me to cut the legs off my bed. There ain't nobody under there now!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1543 (permalink)  
Old 06-04-2010, 09:26 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
ZEN TEACHINGS

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1544 (permalink)  
Old 06-08-2010, 10:42 AM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 62
Posts: 2,716
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 108
Thanked 116 Times in 81 Posts
Try this test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how, but it works!!

Do not scroll down to the movies until AFTER you take the quiz!


Pick a number 1-9

Multiply by 3

Add 3

Multiply by 3 again

Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 below.

Mine was "Star Wars"-exactly right! So, be honest, and do the quiz before you scroll down to the list below. It's easy, and it works!










Now look up your number in the list below....








1. Gone with the wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex with a Goat
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story




It is really amazing, isn't it!!?
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1545 (permalink)  
Old 06-08-2010, 10:48 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
Gotta go find my calculator now, dangit
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Tags
humor, off topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 9 (0 members and 9 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
400 SBC Daily Driver Buildup 31rdster Engine 22 06-01-2009 11:51 AM
Good God I'm bored! Read this or die, its funny. killerformula Off-Topic 30 05-06-2009 02:08 PM
Funny ha ha funny funny. coldknock Off-Topic 12 05-03-2009 07:15 AM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 7 10-29-2007 08:22 PM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 1 06-25-2007 06:49 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:14 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.