Daily funny--- Revisited - Page 127 - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1891 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2011, 12:40 PM
carsavvycook's Avatar
My 2 cents worth
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Lakeside, CA
Age: 58
Posts: 2,855
Wiki Edits: 3

Thanks: 2
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Italian Fire Department


One dark night in the small town in Garfield , NJ , a fire started inside the
local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The
alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage
company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret
sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be
saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and
delivers them to me.'

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments
had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen
arrived, the president said the offer to extricate the secret recipes was
now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came
into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ . The volunteer
fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these
Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and
drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers
jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save
their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished
the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a
superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked
over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera'
reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all
that money?'

'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinelli, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de
fursta ting we gonnna do is fixa de brakes on dat fockinna firetruck!!',

    Advertisement
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #1892 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2011, 10:57 AM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,958
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 18
Thanked 232 Times in 209 Posts
A Sad Passing

A Sad Passing
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in
Minnesota ,Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life
was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a
little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was
considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John
Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He
is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile, please rise to the occasion and take time to
pass it on and, share that smile with someone else that may be having
a crumby day and kneads a lift.
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1893 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2011, 02:42 PM
Custom10's Avatar
my KARMA ran over my DOGMA
 

Last journal entry: SS
Last photo:
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Age: 50
Posts: 1,101
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 18
Thanked 32 Times in 27 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onefunponcho
IF WORLD WAR ONE WAS A BAR FIGHT!

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the
middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's
pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there
are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for
Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a
bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers
to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look
at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests
that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires
as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany
appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this
is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain
is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will
render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany
whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a
corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not
looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and
punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches
Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia
with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and
nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room
that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone
by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back.
There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and
carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets
knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete
personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but
Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs
round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall
over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over
and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by
itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the
bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw
the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany
is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet,
and buy drinks for all their friends
Then they get a call from Canada who apologizes profusely for not making it to the fight cause there one and only military helicopter broke down.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1894 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2011, 11:52 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,187
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 270
Thanked 257 Times in 196 Posts
"Fairy grants one free wish !"

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress get their heads out of their @$$e$!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1895 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2011, 08:49 PM
carsavvycook's Avatar
My 2 cents worth
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Lakeside, CA
Age: 58
Posts: 2,855
Wiki Edits: 3

Thanks: 2
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING....




With an overnight low of -39 and a wind chill of -54 in Laramie this is very appropriate!

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING....
65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Indiana plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Indiana sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Indiana drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Indiana throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wyoming have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero
People in Arizona all die.
Indiana people close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Indiana get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Wyoming are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Wyoming let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Hoosiers get upset because they can't start the Snowmobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Indiana start saying... "Cold enough fer ya? "

50 below zero:
**ll freezes over.
Indiana public schools will open 2 hours late.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1896 (permalink)  
Old 02-16-2011, 10:20 AM
carsavvycook's Avatar
My 2 cents worth
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Lakeside, CA
Age: 58
Posts: 2,855
Wiki Edits: 3

Thanks: 2
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
We who have taught, or love children who have been taught, know this is funny!


From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher

My five-year old students are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...













" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?
Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1897 (permalink)  
Old 02-16-2011, 05:03 PM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,958
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 18
Thanked 232 Times in 209 Posts
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every
once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the Golf course. On Golf days, a lot of Golfers come and pee through a
knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really
tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make
the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole,
real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his
thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K.,
buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1898 (permalink)  
Old 02-16-2011, 08:30 PM
carsavvycook's Avatar
My 2 cents worth
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Lakeside, CA
Age: 58
Posts: 2,855
Wiki Edits: 3

Thanks: 2
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
A businessman, on his deathbed, called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die, you will have my remains cremated."

"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service.

Write on the envelope,

'Now, you have everything.'"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1899 (permalink)  
Old 02-17-2011, 09:45 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,187
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 270
Thanked 257 Times in 196 Posts
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a SOB!! A talking pig!'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1900 (permalink)  
Old 02-17-2011, 02:54 PM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,958
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 18
Thanked 232 Times in 209 Posts
How old is Grandpa?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandpa replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees and

' the pill

There was no:

' radar

' credit cards

' laser beams or

' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers !

' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet walked on the moon


Your Grandmother and I got married first, . and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir'.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense..

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, ride on a bus, and a Coke were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' 'grass' was mowed,

' 'coke' was a cold drink,

' 'pot' was something your mother cooked in and

' 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby.

' 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office,

' ' chip' meant a piece of wood,

' 'hardware' was found in a hardware store and

' 'software' wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap.. and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.


This man would be only 60 years old!
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1901 (permalink)  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:30 PM
Semper Gumby
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 335
Wiki Edits: 2

Thanks: 160
Thanked 192 Times in 155 Posts
Deer Camp

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Ken's turn. Ken was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."

**********



The old are a little wiser, when they can remember!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1902 (permalink)  
Old 02-17-2011, 08:34 PM
bentwings's Avatar
bentwings
 
Last photo:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: St.Paul, Minn
Age: 72
Posts: 1,798
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 16 Times in 15 Posts
60 years old ??? no wonder they say I'm oler than dirt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1903 (permalink)  
Old 02-18-2011, 07:13 AM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,958
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 18
Thanked 232 Times in 209 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by bentwings
60 years old ??? no wonder they say I'm older than dirt.

Don't you think I know that feeling as well The actual real age should be 69, not 60
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1904 (permalink)  
Old 02-19-2011, 08:25 PM
deadbodyman's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Stripping paint Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: augusta,ga.
Age: 54
Posts: 6,349
Wiki Edits: 11

Thanks: 28
Thanked 513 Times in 434 Posts
How COLD is COLD?


COLD IS A RELATIVE THING
65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat..
People in Upstate New York plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Upstate New York sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Upstate New York drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Upstate New York throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York city landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Upstate New York have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Upstate New Yorkers close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Upstate New York get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Upstate New York are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Upstate New York let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Upstate New Yorkers get upset because they can't start the snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Upstate New York start saying...'cold enough fer ya?'

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Upstate New York public schools will open 2 hours late.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #1905 (permalink)  
Old 02-20-2011, 06:43 AM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,958
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 18
Thanked 232 Times in 209 Posts
[QUOTE=deadbodyman]How COLD is COLD?


Yep Mike - 'bout right!!! It was 50* Friday and I washed my truck in shirt sleeves in my drive between the snowbanks. I wanted to rake the yard, but the 2' of snow still left just wouldn't melt. But I did get the snowblower back to the storage area. Today, it's just a 'standard' mild pre spring day at 10*

Dave W
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Tags
humor, off topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 3 (0 members and 3 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
400 SBC Daily Driver Buildup 31rdster Engine 22 06-01-2009 11:51 AM
Good God I'm bored! Read this or die, its funny. killerformula Off-Topic 30 05-06-2009 02:08 PM
Funny ha ha funny funny. coldknock Off-Topic 12 05-03-2009 07:15 AM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 7 10-29-2007 08:22 PM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 1 06-25-2007 06:49 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:50 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.