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  #1936 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2011, 06:02 AM
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Patience

A Texas State Trooper is patrolling late at night off the main highway.

He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.



Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.


Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?

The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'?

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine'.

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And her...what is she doing'?

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails'.

Now, the trooper is totally confused.

A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ....

And nothing obscene is happening!

The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'?

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'.

The trooper asks: 'And her, .... what's her age'?

The young man looks at his watch and replies:



'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.. '

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  #1937 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2011, 09:58 AM
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A Red Head in Church
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

'This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved.


The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face
me and admit this is a falsehood?
Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.'

Again all was quiet.


Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous Red Head with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.

I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the Congregation roared
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  #1938 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2011, 11:04 AM
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A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet

So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged critter) which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bother him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted "Hey, you in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.....

This time a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
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  #1939 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 03:43 AM
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  #1940 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 06:33 AM
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Quick, somebody shoot that thang !
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  #1941 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 09:32 AM
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  #1942 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 10:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staleg

I KNOW those cars are NOT in Norway
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  #1943 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 11:09 AM
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How about former president Putins limo'?
Nice isn't it? A study in harmonic design...
An you can clearly see that this car is made for a leader that consider himself as just an ordinary guy.


You thought your 4" Supertrapp exhaust ends were big....?


A modern Japanese version of the american Superbird spoiler on a German car. What a tastefull mix of car designs!
Or maybe a live version of one of the cars in the movie "Cars"?
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  #1944 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irelands child
I KNOW those cars are NOT in Norway
You are right. I think the pictures actually are from Japan. Some of their car culture obviously have taken a pretty extreme direction.
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  #1945 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 11:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staleg
You are right. I think the pictures actually are from Japan. Some of their car culture obviously have taken a pretty extreme direction.

Yeah - they have the money, the inclination, the cars but style - that still needs to catch up (Thailand is about as 'different') but they are happy with their creationisms

Dave W
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  #1946 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 01:24 PM
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Beeeeeautiful! {:-(
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  #1947 (permalink)  
Old 03-11-2011, 06:36 AM
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CATHOLIC COFFEE
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well.....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24" waist and
34" hips.
When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
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  #1948 (permalink)  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:43 PM
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Wiffy opened a tin of alphabet soup which was 8 months out of date.
I said "You'd better not cook that it could spell disaster"
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  #1949 (permalink)  
Old 03-12-2011, 09:30 AM
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A Cardiologist's Funeral

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge
heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all
the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy,

the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..


At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...

I'm a gynecologist.'


The priest fainted
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  #1950 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2011, 09:08 AM
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