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  #1981 (permalink)  
Old 04-14-2011, 08:15 PM
carsavvycook's Avatar
My 2 cents worth
 
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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free."
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
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  #1982 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2011, 12:02 AM
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Five Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who the best patients to operate on are.

The first surgeon, from New York says, I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.

The second, from Chicago , responds, Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, No I really, think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: You know I like construction workers, those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the a** are interchangeable.
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  #1983 (permalink)  
Old 04-16-2011, 02:22 PM
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  #1984 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 09:02 AM
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Da Back Door

The Back Door

Thibodeaux was over at Boudreaux's house the other day and He and Marie were fooling around when they heard the front door opening. Marie says, "Oh-oh, Boudreaux musta came home early." Thibodeaux says, "Quick, where's de back door ?" Marie says, "We don't have a back door." Thibodeaux getting dressed real fast asks, "Mais where do you want one ?"
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  #1985 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 09:07 AM
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strawberries

The Strawberry Patch

"Tee" Boudreaux came home from college one weekend to find his daddy shoveling manure from the outhouse to the strawberry patch to use as fertilizer. "Tee" tells his daddy, "Poppa, der's an easier way to do dat. Let's get us some dynamite, put it under de outhouse, an' we'll jus' blow de manure into de strawberry patch." While they are putting the dynamite in place, neither of them notice Marie coming out of the house and go into the outhouse. Well, as they set off the dynamite, sure enough, all of the ka-ka flys right into the strawberry patch, and Marie too. They run over and ask her, "Are you alright ?" Marie replies, "Mais, yeh, I guess, but I sure is glad I didn't let that one go in de kitchen !"
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  #1986 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 09:13 AM
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the waiter

Thibodeaux, The Waiter

Boudreaux was at his favorite restaurant, and Thibodeaux was his waiter. As Thibodeaux brought Boudreaux's steak to him, he had his thumb on top of the steak. Boudreaux yells at him, "Thibodeaux, why you touching my steak ?" Thibodeaux replies, "Well, you wants it to fall on de floor again ?"
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  #1987 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 09:17 AM
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jeez

Quote:
Originally Posted by staleg
KEE-YUCK, Them is the ugliest women I ever seen. So ugly they would make a freight train turn and take a dirt road.
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  #1988 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 11:02 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Dangit Nolan, you reminded me of a cajun "door" joke and since I don't have it, I'll have to type it out - - grrrrrrrrr

One time Thibodeaux and Boudreaux were in Piere's Bar laying down some Billy Beers and Thib turned to Beaux and said: "how do you like the place since Piere remodeled it?" - - - Beaux looked around and replied: "what you talking 'bout cajun? he ain't done nuttin' to this place in 20 years !" Then Thib said "yaa he has put a new door in here." Then Beaux said: "you must be drunk 'cause there ain't but three doors in this place. The front door and the behind door and that's all !" Then Thib said: "I'll bet you $50 that there are 3 doors in here." Well Beaux jumped right on that bet and said: "prove it". Then Thib said: "dat door rightcher is the front door right? and dat door behind the men's room is the behind door right? and that little brass pot at your feet is the cusipdor, so dat makes 3" Well Beaux reluctantly paid Thib the $50 an about that time 'ol Nolan walked thru the door and Beaux shouted: "hey nolan you old cajun, how'dcha like the place since Piere remodeled it?" - - - 'ol Nolan looked around and said: "lordy Boudreaux you must be drunk 'cause he ain't done nuttin' to dis here place in 20 years !" Then Beaux said "he has added a new door" - - Nolan said: "nope he ain't dar's jist 2"! Then Beaux said: "I'll bet you $100 dat der's 3 doors in here" and Nolan said "you're on cajun". Then Beaux stuck out his chest and said: "you see dat der door facing de street, dat's de front door and dat der door back der by the men's room is de behind door and dat little brass pot der on de floor is de - - er uh er uh er uh - - - dat damned spitoon jist cost me a $150."
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  #1989 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staleg
That ain't real? OMG, I think my eyes are bleeding!
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
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  #1990 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinger
That ain't real? OMG, I think my eyes are bleeding!
Do some Google searching for "Faith Tones"
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  #1991 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 12:59 PM
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bentwings
 
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Do they actually appear in public????
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  #1992 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 01:54 PM
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Dawson walks into the Yukon Bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies. “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?”

“It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically,” he explains.

“What's it telling you now?” she asks.

“Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

Dawson smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing's an hour fast.”
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  #1993 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 02:04 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malc
Do some Google searching for "Faith Tones"
If you do, then that makes you a supreme masochist
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  #1994 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 03:02 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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All Cajun Music is fun listening, no matter what the subject is!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_uVs...eature=related
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  #1995 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2011, 03:12 PM
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This man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black dog just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The man is amazed.

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The man says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?












"The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
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