Daily funny--- Revisited - Page 14 - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #196 (permalink)  
Old 02-25-2008, 08:51 AM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,989
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 20
Thanked 245 Times in 220 Posts
Having Mom Over For Dinner

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there were more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Jennifer came
to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love,
Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm
not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact
remains that if Jennifer were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom


Moral of the story.........



NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!

    Advertisement
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #197 (permalink)  
Old 02-25-2008, 09:09 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
A rather full figured young woman was telling her family doctor that her husband wasn't paying attention to her and never wanted any intimate contact.

The Doctor thought for a moment and said "Why don't you diet?"

The young woman replied, "That's a great idea, what color do you think he'd like!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #198 (permalink)  
Old 02-27-2008, 11:38 AM
Bad Rat's Avatar
Member
 

Last journal entry: Bad Rats anglia Build Journal plus bike and other photos
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Oregon Wetlands
Age: 76
Posts: 547
Wiki Edits: 2

Thanks: 60
Thanked 27 Times in 18 Posts
WHEN MEN WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS


Dear Walter:


I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with our neighbor making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mary


Dear Mary:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the intake manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #199 (permalink)  
Old 02-27-2008, 12:00 PM
Bad Rat's Avatar
Member
 

Last journal entry: Bad Rats anglia Build Journal plus bike and other photos
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Oregon Wetlands
Age: 76
Posts: 547
Wiki Edits: 2

Thanks: 60
Thanked 27 Times in 18 Posts
Duck Hunting

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor. 'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot. 'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter. 'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. _I'm going to have to refer you to my brother. 'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your brother a plastic surgeon?' 'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'He's a flute player in the local symphony and he's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #200 (permalink)  
Old 02-27-2008, 12:16 PM
classicautoresto's Avatar
Rust Buster
 

Last journal entry: birthday surprise
Last photo:
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: lebanon, ky
Age: 47
Posts: 23
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
BR the advice column one is funny but late......crash70 posted it on the 1st page of this thread.....sorry man
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #201 (permalink)  
Old 02-27-2008, 01:34 PM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 52
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 24 Times in 23 Posts
What's the similarity between a Texas twister & a Tennessee divorce?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer

**********************

What do you call someone else's cheese?

Nacho cheese

**********************

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it

**********************

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way

**********************

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" He shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" He said and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, butt naked, with his manhood in his hand. "Oh, good grief!" Yelled Ethel, "Not that damn breathalyzer test again!!!"

***************************

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident.
I re-attached them and 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and 2 years later, he won a Gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman high on cocaine and marijuana rode a horse head-on into a train travelling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's butt. I was able to put them together and now she's running for President."

**********************

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ!'' The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.'' So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.'' The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' And walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

**********************

Little Johnny sees alot of guys comin' outta the store across the street smilin' an whistlin'. ''Dad, whatta they sell over there makes everbody so happy?''
''You're too young for that!'' His Dad says. Curiosity gets the better of him, so he breaks open his piggy bank and goes across the street. He walks up to the woman behind the counter and says: ''Lady, I want 38 cents worth o' what ever is makin' all o' these fellers so happy'' She grins and sticks her finger down there, then rubs it under his nose. Johnny yells: ''Sonofa*****, I'm sure glad I didn't buy no dollars worth!''

***************************

Little Johnny is waiting for the bus with a quart of turps. He shakes it and watches the bubbles, shakes it and watches the bubbles. A Priest walks up and asks him what's in the jar. ''Well Preacher, this is the most powerful liquid in the world, this here's turpentine.'' The preist says ''No son, the most powerful liquid is Holy water. You can rub Holy water on a pregnant woman and she'll pass a baby boy every time.'' Johnny says ''Shoot, that ain't nuthin'. Rub this turpentine on a cat's butt an he'll pass a motorcycle!''

*********************

What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?

Militia Etheridge

*********************

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.'
That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies'."
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"
The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX."
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call yours?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!"

Last edited by Job~Rated; 02-27-2008 at 01:39 PM.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #202 (permalink)  
Old 02-27-2008, 10:06 PM
Bad Rat's Avatar
Member
 

Last journal entry: Bad Rats anglia Build Journal plus bike and other photos
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Oregon Wetlands
Age: 76
Posts: 547
Wiki Edits: 2

Thanks: 60
Thanked 27 Times in 18 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by classicautoresto
BR the advice column one is funny but late......crash70 posted it on the 1st page of this thread.....sorry man


WOOOOPPPS,,O-well --- fug-it---maybe just in case someone forgot
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #203 (permalink)  
Old 02-28-2008, 06:44 PM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 52
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 24 Times in 23 Posts
A war correspondant visiting Afghanistan noticed that since the fall of the Taliban, women who used to walk 10 paces behind the men are now walking 10 paces in front.

The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.

The man replied: "No, landmines!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #204 (permalink)  
Old 02-28-2008, 06:46 PM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 52
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 24 Times in 23 Posts
A redneck rings his boss and says: "I wont be at work today, I've got anal blindness".

The boss says: "Whats that?"

The redneck says: "I cant see my arse getting out of bed today!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #205 (permalink)  
Old 02-28-2008, 06:50 PM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 52
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 24 Times in 23 Posts
"In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

"We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

"It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper-spray."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #206 (permalink)  
Old 02-29-2008, 10:39 AM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 62
Posts: 2,716
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 108
Thanked 116 Times in 81 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
"In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

"We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

"It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper-spray."
Hahahahahahahaha
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #207 (permalink)  
Old 02-29-2008, 01:08 PM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 52
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 24 Times in 23 Posts
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it, I thought you said 'GOATS'."

********************************

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract a very beautiful blonde woman. So they go back to his place and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while he climaxes loudly, rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, "Are youa finish?" After a slight pause she replies, "No." Surprised, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her and has his way with her again--this time lasting even longer than the first. Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette and asks, "Youa finish?" Again, after a short pause, she simply says, "No." Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he mounts her again. This time with all the strength he could muster. He barely manages to end the task, but he does. Exhausted, he reaches for his cigarette. "Soa, youa finish, or what?!" "No," comes her reply. "I am Swedish."

******************************

Lisa: "Mom, you know that vase you're always worried about me breaking?"
Mom: "Yes, what about it?"
Lisa: "Well, your worrying days are over....."

******************************

A man and his five year old son were out walking in South America when a baby Aardvark ran towards them.
"Daddy, daddy..will it bite?" The boy asked. "No, son", Replied his father "A little Aardvark never hurt anyone".

******************************

A ten year old boy was stuck with his homework.. "Could you help me with this, Grandad" ? "Yes, I could," Replies Grandad, "But it wouldn't be right would it?" "I guess not", Says the boy, "But have a shot at it anyway".

******************************

The NYPD, the FBI, & the CIA have engaged for years in serious competition to determine which organization is the best at apprehending criminals. The President, wanting to resolve the question once and for all, releases a rabbit into a forest and challenges each organization to utilize its best methods to bring the rabbit in to him. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They place hidden microphones on all of the trees and motion detectors behind each rock. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and make no apologies.... the rabbit had it coming. The NYPD goes in. A mere two hours later they come out leading a badly beaten bear by the ear. The bear is yelling: "OK, OK, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."

******************************

Dr. Dave was a good doctor, but he had a nasty habit of sleeping with his patients. He could hardly live with the guilt of it all... One half of his subconscious said, "Don't worry, Dave, you're a good doctor!" The other half said, "Dave! Leave it out, mate, you're a vet!!!"

******************************

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the centre of the road, making wild and passionate love. In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realised that they were not going to stop or get out of his way,so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them. Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!" Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

******************************

The traveller knocked on the door of the house where a cab driver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," Said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot." Answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently and the panel slid open. "Hey!" Exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"
"What?" Said the voice, "Again?"

******************************

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. He has tried everything from reading her favourite novels to playing her favourite music to get some kind of reaction from her to give him hope that she will eventually return to him, but nothing has worked. So, on this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor, who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to make sure it wasn't a fluke. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in, then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened, to which the man replies: "I think she choked."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #208 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2008, 12:53 PM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,193
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 363
Thanked 305 Times in 233 Posts
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #209 (permalink)  
Old 03-04-2008, 11:37 AM
Irelands child's Avatar
Registered User
 
Last wiki edit: Ford engine specifications Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 4,989
Wiki Edits: 8

Thanks: 20
Thanked 245 Times in 220 Posts
A Fairy Tale

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer; he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered...is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?





Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

Scroll down





The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly.
__________________
Irelands child
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #210 (permalink)  
Old 03-04-2008, 12:40 PM
Registered User
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Cincinnati
Age: 38
Posts: 183
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
My girlfriend always seemed to enjoy seeing just how much she could get away with doing some form of our bondage in public. She does this partly because she finds it fun, mostly because she knows it drives me out of my tree. Usually, I'm able to fasttalk my way out of potentially embarrassing situations with Mundanes, but yesterday she very nearly got me fired.

Yesterday afternoon we had lunch together. Afterward, she accompanied me back to my place of work. I thought this slightly unusual, since she had never before expressed an interest in my work (electronic engineering), but it didn't occur to me that she had something planned.

We arrived at my workbench, where I'm currently trying to figure out why the $&%@*! board on which I'm working is not performing the way I designed it.
"Is this where you work?" she asked.
"At the moment," I replied.

I reached over to turn on the scope, thereby completely failing to notice the huge studded black leather collar she produced from her purse. Before I could even blink (it's amazing the speed at which she can do this), she had locked the collar snugly around my neck, and locked the end of the six-foot jack chain to the center of the bench (where there just happened to be a mounting hole, dammit). I turned to face her in utter disbelief, mouth agape.

"I'll be back for you at five," she said.
"HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO!!?!?" I yelled in a hushed voice. "HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS???"
"You'll think of something," she said, dropping the keys into her cleavage.
"You always do."
"But suppose I have to go to the bathroom," I countered.
"Don't give me that," she said. "I've seen you go for a whole day without visiting the bathroom."
"But..." I tried to say.
"SHHH! The subject is closed. I'll be back at five. Bye."

She turned and left, against my hushed protests. I sat in panic and tried to think out my situation. I tried to think of all the people who might visit. Most of my co-workers were friends who knew that my girlfriend and I were a bit odd, so this shouldn't surprise them. But I had *no* idea what I was going to say if one of my bosses came in. I checked my watch to see how long I would have to endure this ignominy. 13:30 (I'm a military time weenie). "Three and a half hours," I thought. I heaved a sigh, and got to work, such as I could.

As it happened, three of my co-workers visited for whatnot. All of them immediately noticed the collar (it would be pretty hard not to), and asked if it was my girlfriend's idea. I said yes. They asked what I would say if my supervisor saw it. I said I hadn't the faintest idea.

One of the aforementioned colleagues took the bench next to me, and after a few remarks (and a question as to where he could get a collar like the one I had), settled down to work in silence.

After some time, I checked my watch. 16:40. "Gee, I just might make it through this after all," I thought. I was even beginning to get a handle on the problem with the #%^*@! board on which I was working. Murphy must have been standing right behind me reading my thoughts, for not more than two minutes later one of my bosses entered the room. And not just any boss. Noooooooo. This was Mr. Narrowminded himself. This was the guy who took Lifespring *and* became a born-again fundamentalist. How he came to have the power of hire-and-fire over us is one of the Great Mysteries of The Universe. We avoided this guy at all costs.

His eyes fell upon me immediately. A few picoseconds later, he saw the collar around my neck in all its splendor. "My life is over," I thought. I still hadn't thought of a plausible explanation for this. Mr. Solderbrain (the name we called him behind his back; a corruption of his real name) started to walk slowly and deliberately over to me, his eyes fixed on the collar. Fifteen agonizing seconds later, he was standing next to me. I thought the guy sitting next to me was going to have a seizure stifling all his giggles. I continued to work, acting as though there were nothing the least bit unusual about my predicament.

Finally, he spoke. "What. The. HELL! Is. That??!" he said.

I don't know how I thought of what I said. In fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't know what I was going to say until just as I was saying it. I'm even more amazed that Solderbrain actually bought it and didn't fire me on the spot.

I turned to face him calmly, with total nonchalance, exuding complete confidence in what I was about to say, even though I didn't know what it was yet. I didn't even miss a beat.
"Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work.

The guy next to me fell off his chair and nearly died laughing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Tags
humor, off topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 8 (2 members and 6 guests)
Irelands child, boothboy
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
400 SBC Daily Driver Buildup 31rdster Engine 22 06-01-2009 11:51 AM
Good God I'm bored! Read this or die, its funny. killerformula Off-Topic 30 05-06-2009 02:08 PM
Funny ha ha funny funny. coldknock Off-Topic 12 05-03-2009 07:15 AM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 7 10-29-2007 08:22 PM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 1 06-25-2007 06:49 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:12 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.