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  #2371 (permalink)  
Old 01-27-2012, 05:54 AM
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Guys: Tell your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.

Watch, enjoy and thank me later.

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  #2372 (permalink)  
Old 01-27-2012, 05:55 AM
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"My wife's flying to Illinois today."

"Chicago?"

"No, she's a passenger."
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  #2373 (permalink)  
Old 01-27-2012, 05:58 AM
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My boss claimed he didn't have a funny bone, but when he fell over & broke his arm, I laughed my socks off!
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  #2374 (permalink)  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:00 PM
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The sex between the wife and me had been a bit unsatisfying of late, so she told me, "Go to the pharmacy and get some of those pills that will help you to get an erection."

You can imagine her reaction when I came back from the drug store and tossed her the diet pills!

......almost got me killed!
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  #2375 (permalink)  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:35 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Went to my Pharmacist about those pills and when I asked him if you could get it over the counter, he said: "Yes, if you took 3 you probably could" !
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  #2376 (permalink)  
Old 01-27-2012, 04:05 PM
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The Preacher





A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"


Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"

Tyrone answered, "I don't know, Man. It ain't 'til next week."
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  #2377 (permalink)  
Old 01-28-2012, 09:22 AM
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So, Bubba & his new girlfriend are kissing & cuddling on the sofa.


After a while, she says: "Shall we take this upstairs?"


Bubba says: "Okay, you grab one end, I'll get the other!"
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  #2378 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2012, 07:03 AM
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One hand clapping.
 

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  #2379 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2012, 03:45 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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  #2380 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2012, 06:48 PM
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An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he
tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are
wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the
shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest
shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if
he had swallowed that little ball. The barber replied:



"You would just have to bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
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  #2381 (permalink)  
Old 02-02-2012, 01:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irelands child
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he
tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are
wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the
shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest
shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if
he had swallowed that little ball. The barber replied:



"You would just have to bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

I am stealing this one.
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  #2382 (permalink)  
Old 02-02-2012, 01:45 AM
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I just found a stack of $100 bills in a hollow tree stump at the park.

In unrelated news, my rich neighbor's kids mysteriously reappeared today....
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  #2383 (permalink)  
Old 02-03-2012, 06:04 AM
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Have a nice weekend!


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  #2384 (permalink)  
Old 02-03-2012, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staleg
Have a nice weekend!


That is a very cool picture, it screams 50's Americana! Look at all the different items in the pic, Lazy Susan, the lamp shade, rabbit ears, using a saucer with your cup, the curlers, wallpaper, it goes on.
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  #2385 (permalink)  
Old 02-03-2012, 01:35 PM
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my KARMA ran over my DOGMA
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinger
That is a very cool picture, it screams 50's Americana! Look at all the different items in the pic, Lazy Susan, the lamp shade, rabbit ears, using a saucer with your cup, the curlers, wallpaper, it goes on.
Yeah and wedding rings! haha

----------------------------------------------

A Canadian Love story......
A Canadian man said to his wife, "Alright you sexy thing, upstairs, now!"

She looked at him and said, "Ooh, you horny son-of-a-gun!"

He replied: "No, seriously, hockey is starting, now bugger off!"
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