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  #2446 (permalink)  
Old 03-13-2012, 11:58 PM
dinger's Avatar
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt
in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

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  #2447 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2012, 07:23 AM
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AKA:"SLOWRIDE66"take it easy!
 
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HOLY CRAP BATMAN!


I can't believe this thread is still going!

OK ,

A Guy goes to a Whore house.

The Madam caring for her girls says to the JON "I have to inspect everyone before I can allow you to see my girls".

He agrees & goes into a little room off to the side.

She walks in & says "OK let me see your junk"

She Inspects & notices nothing but A Tattoo in his peter that reads "SHORTY"

She gives him the OK & sends him upstairs.

About 5 minuets later the "GIRL" runs out of the room with a sheet wrapped around her after a big commotion.

The Girl says; "I thought you checked all these guys out before sending them up?"

The Madam replies "Yes I did .I saw nothing but a Tat reading SHORTY"

The Girl replies "Shorty My ARSE!!! He got Shorty's Landscape & Supply Memphis Tennessee on that thing!!!!!"



SR66
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  #2448 (permalink)  
Old 03-15-2012, 10:20 AM
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A dwarf couple who work in the circus are expecting a baby and they go to the doctors for a check up.


After the examination, the doctor confirms everything is fine and asks if they would like a boy or a girl.



The guy says: "We don't really care to be honest, as long as it fits in a cannon."
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  #2449 (permalink)  
Old 03-15-2012, 05:12 PM
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My 2 cents worth
 
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I could'nt resist!

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

" THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

" THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,

" THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,

"IS THAT YOU LORD?"


Get ready for this!












The voice replied,

"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
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  #2450 (permalink)  
Old 03-15-2012, 05:19 PM
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My 2 cents worth
 
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Or This!

Today, Police found a frozen unidentified man's nude body buried in a sand trap. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Arse and a Small Pecker.


Are You Okay???
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  #2451 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2012, 04:59 AM
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I'm fine. Thanks for your concern.




What do you get if you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?

A c0ck that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
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  #2452 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2012, 11:58 AM
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The Potty
A Little Three Year Old Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet. His Mother Thinks He Has Been In There Too Long, So She Goes In To See What's Up. The Little Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet Reading A Book. But About Every 10 Seconds Or So He Puts The Book Down, Grips Onto To The Toilet Seat With His Left Hand And Hits Himself On Top Of The Head With His Right Hand.
His Mother Says: "billy, Are You All Right? You've Been In Here For A While..
Billy Says: "i'm Fine, Mommy.. I Just Haven't Gone 'doody' Yet."
Mother Says: "ok, You Can Stay Here A Few More Minutes. But, Billy, Why Are You Hitting Yourself On The Head?"

Billy Says: "works For Ketchup."
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  #2453 (permalink)  
Old 03-16-2012, 05:52 PM
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A customer asks the produce clerk in the supermarket for a half-head of lettuce. Produce clerk tells him they only sell whole heads and walks away. Clerk goes to his manager and tells him "Stupid jerk asked me if we sell half-heads of lettuce" but doesn't notice the customer has walked up behind him. The manager's look causes the clerk to turn, see the customer and says "And this fine gentleman just asked if he could buy the other half!"

After the customer is taken care of and leaves, the manager tells the clerk he's a real quick thinker and would be perfect for the manager's job at the new store in Toronto. The young clerk says to the manager "Are you kidding, there's nothing but hookers and hockey players in Toronto!" When the manager tells the clerk that his wife is from Toronto, the clerk asks "So who'd she play for?"
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  #2454 (permalink)  
Old 03-18-2012, 04:52 AM
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A bunch of guys went hunting for deer and moose up in Canada. Somebody had to do the cooking, or they would all starve to death.

They drew straws to see who would cook while the others hunted from dawn to dusk. Father got the short straw.

The hunters agreed that anybody who complained about Father's cooking became the cook. So Father prepared worse and worse meals, while the others were having one hell of a good time in he forest. No matter how awful a supper was though, the hunters pronounced it lip-smacking delicious, clapping Father on the back and so on.

After they marched off one morning, Father found a pile of fresh moose poop outside. He fried it in motor oil. That night he served it as steaming patties.

The first guy to taste one spat it out. He couldn't help himself!

He spluttered, "Jesus Christ! That tastes like moose poop fried in motor oil!"



"But good, real good!"
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  #2455 (permalink)  
Old 03-18-2012, 04:55 AM
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A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward."

The golfer glances at his golf bag.

"Some golf clubs would be nice," he says.

Two weeks later, the sheikhs secretary calls him up.

"We've got your golf clubs," she says, "But the sheikh would like to apologise to you in advance: only three of them have swimming pools."
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  #2456 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2012, 02:44 AM
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  #2457 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staleg

The long gone days of innocence
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  #2458 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2012, 06:22 AM
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I almost talked my way out of a speeding ticket today by telling a police woman she looked fit.

Things went sour when I added, "And that's not just the booze talking, either!"
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  #2459 (permalink)  
Old 03-22-2012, 11:26 AM
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  #2460 (permalink)  
Old 03-22-2012, 11:33 AM
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Isn't that a '68 Rolls Rette? :-)

Nice styling!
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