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  #2476 (permalink)  
Old 04-05-2012, 06:35 AM
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Two rednecks are riding along the highway when their motorbike breaks down. Unable to fix the problem, they start trying to hitch a lift.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the two rednecks ask him for a lift.

He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The rednecks put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike, will he give them a lift and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon, so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.

By this time, he is running late and so he puts his foot down. Sure enough, a Highway Patrol car pulls him over for speeding.

The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which he replies jokingly 'redneck eggs'.

The Officer obviously doesn't believe this, so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

He gets on his radio and calls for immediate back-up from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 redneck eggs in it - two have hatched and the bastards have managed to steal a motorbike already!'

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  #2477 (permalink)  
Old 04-07-2012, 07:37 AM
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In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and hard and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS) and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that noone noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known and said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham.

And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
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  #2478 (permalink)  
Old 04-07-2012, 08:25 AM
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  #2479 (permalink)  
Old 04-07-2012, 08:47 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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  #2480 (permalink)  
Old 04-10-2012, 03:43 PM
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  #2481 (permalink)  
Old 04-10-2012, 03:46 PM
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LOLOL

Have you heard the one about the hot rod web site that was sold and all the old farts who use to play with a "phone" made from two cans and a piece of string had a heart attack about it?

Brian
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  #2482 (permalink)  
Old 04-10-2012, 03:58 PM
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How have I been missing this? Post #2477 is priceless.
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  #2483 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2012, 01:41 AM
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I was in a pub last night and saw two "girls of size" (as Political Correctness now requires us to say) by the bar. They both spoke with a pronounced brogue, and making a guess about their origin I said, "Hello! Are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them screamed, "It's WALES, you f------g idiot!" So I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?" That's when all hell broke loose .
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  #2484 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2012, 06:17 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Note to Self:
"Dear Self, never open a Daily Funny post, with a mouth full of coffee (especially if Dinger has just posted) !"
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  #2485 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2012, 06:59 AM
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Insanity doesn't run in my family.

It takes a leisurely stroll through, getting to know us all personally...
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  #2486 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2012, 07:15 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
Insanity doesn't run in my family.

It takes a leisurely stroll through, getting to know us all personally...
LMAO - - - "savor the moments, eh?"
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  #2487 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2012, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinger
I was in a pub last night and saw two "girls of size" (as Political Correctness now requires us to say) by the bar. They both spoke with a pronounced brogue, and making a guess about their origin I said, "Hello! Are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them screamed, "It's WALES, you f------g idiot!" So I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?" That's when all hell broke loose .
LOLOLOLOL, had to share that one with the wife, very funny stuff.

Brian
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  #2488 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2012, 12:25 PM
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"Unusual personalities" seem to be the most common type in our family too! :-)~
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  #2489 (permalink)  
Old 04-16-2012, 02:30 PM
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Open if you dare:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=316AzLYfAzw
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  #2490 (permalink)  
Old 04-16-2012, 03:29 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irelands child
I want that chick with the sunglasses that's leaning on the button stand - - - - my kinda woman
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