[malc]

Women gets a quote for mechanical work

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlP291qcWY4

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlP291qcWY4

[wretched ratchet]

Male Logic
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband,
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,
and if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."

[wretched ratchet]

Forum did a double post for some reason - - - and wouldn't let me delete one - - - sorry

[boothboy]

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar.

They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out "My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!" The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman call out, "Hey!, you!!! Are you Jesus?" The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus" he says. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Australian calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus,or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a stubbie of Victoria Bitter for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement."Oh God, the arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. "By jove", he exclaims, " The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face.

The Aussie whispers ... "**** off mate, I'm on Workers Comp

[malc]

[wretched ratchet]

Bovine gets the last laugh eh, Chief?
Believe it or not, I know how that happened
and it wasn't photoshop !

Horses are not very smart and it's amazing
that he hasn't broken a leg or killed himself
by the time the pic was taken.

[malc]

1. You can't count your hair
2. You can't wash your eyes with soap
3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out

Put your tongue back in you fool !

10 things I know about you...

1) You are reading this
2) You are human
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips
4) You just attempted to do it
6) You are laughing at yourself
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5
You just checked to see if there is a No. 5

9) You laughed at this because you are an idiot

10) You are probably going to send this on to see who else falls for it

[malc]

Bill Cosby 200MPH - YouTube

Bill Cosby 200MPH - YouTube

[malc]

[Job~Rated]

I was sitting in traffic today when suddenly and bizarrely, I saw a naked woman hopping down the street with her hands and feet tied together and a gag in her mouth.

"That's the funniest thing I have ever seen", I thought to myself, as I shared a smile with the guy in the car beside me.

Laughter soon turned to panic though, when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw my trunk lid was open.....

[boothboy]

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"

[Job~Rated]

An American couple got into my taxi and said they wanted to experience a typical British cab ride.

So I put Punjab FM on the radio and drove like an idiot.

[boothboy]

A Britsh couple got into my cab and said they wanted to experience a typical American cab ride. So I put on a Punjab, Jamaican, Russian,Pakistan station and drove like a idiot!

[Job~Rated]

[Job~Rated]

What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?

Amhere


What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?

Amhere Azwel


What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?

Amhere Azwel Azhim