Daily funny--- Revisited - Page 178 - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #2656 (permalink)  
Old 10-22-2012, 11:26 PM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 61
Posts: 2,711
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 104
Thanked 111 Times in 77 Posts
An Investment Opportunity



Thought you might want to consider getting on board early....



A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.



He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.



It's doing well.



He says prophets are going through the roof.

    Advertisement
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The Following User Says Thank You to dinger For This Useful Post:
carolinacustoms (12-24-2012)
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2657 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2012, 08:25 AM
boothboy's Avatar
More bucks, go faster!
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Grass Valley, CA.
Posts: 609
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 212
Thanked 300 Times in 267 Posts
Apple does it again!



Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2658 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2012, 02:14 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
My neighbor came round and said, "I've just heard your wife's in hospital after crashing your truck. Is she going to be okay?"

I said, "I think so."

He said, "She's in the best place."

I said, "I know, everyone says Barry's Car Body Shop is the best in town."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2659 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2012, 04:14 AM
malc's Avatar
Living At The Speed Of Life
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: España Right Coast
Age: 63
Posts: 3,281
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 100
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated View Post
My neighbor came round and said, "I've just heard your wife's in hospital after crashing your truck. Is she going to be okay?"

I said, "I think so."

He said, "She's in the best place."

I said, "I know, everyone says Barry's Car Body Shop is the best in town."
I worked with a guy who upon learning his wife had gone off the road and landed roofsidedown in a water filled ditch, did in fact start bemoaning the fate of his beloved new Opel station wagon.
The company secretary who bought him the news had to tell him to find out about his wife before the state of the car.
Utter wanker.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2660 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 04:50 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
A cop pulled me over & said: "Papers!"

I said: 'Scissors....I win!' and drove off!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2661 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 04:54 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
It took a lot of persuading, but eventually I managed to get some girl's number last night.

After getting home I sent her a text saying: 'Hi it's Dave from the bar, my address is 185 South Street, come around for sex xxx'

She replied saying: 'Wrong number!'

So I sent one back saying: 'No it's not, I've lived here for six years, I should know.'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2662 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 04:55 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
I took the kids to the circus last night.

It shouldn't take long for them to settle in.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2663 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 04:56 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
I like to put things back where I found them when I'm done using them.





........So I dropped your mom off at the bar.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2664 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2012, 04:57 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
The wife always says the same things when I come home from the bar wanting sex:

Like "You're drunk" "You're disgusting" and "Leave the dog alone".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2665 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2012, 08:27 AM
Job~Rated's Avatar
Artful Dodger
 

Last journal entry: From behind
Last photo:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Norwich, UK
Age: 51
Posts: 1,387
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 12
Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts
The cobwebs in my house just became decorations.


Thanks, Hallowe'en!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2666 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2012, 09:30 AM
boothboy's Avatar
More bucks, go faster!
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Grass Valley, CA.
Posts: 609
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 212
Thanked 300 Times in 267 Posts
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next week he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

BB Happy Halloween!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2667 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2012, 01:40 PM
malc's Avatar
Living At The Speed Of Life
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: España Right Coast
Age: 63
Posts: 3,281
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 100
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2668 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2012, 01:46 PM
malc's Avatar
Living At The Speed Of Life
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: España Right Coast
Age: 63
Posts: 3,281
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 100
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Social Security Offices,
"My good man", the fairy said, Iv'e been told by Pres. Obama to grant you three wishes, since you’ve just arrived in US of A with your wife and seven children, all costs to be borne by the American Tax Payers", The man told the fairy ; "Well, in Iraq, where I come from, we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them", The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and,
PING ! ! ! The Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth,
"What else "? asked the fairy, "Two more wishes to go".
The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder.....
"I need a big house with a three car garage on the coast with eight bedrooms, and a Gold Visa Card in each room, for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in Iraq , I want to bring them all over here".
PING ! ! ! In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, a sparkling swimming pool, and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music,
"One more wish left for you", said the fairy, waving her wand.
The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now and said, “I want to be American, with American clothes instead of the rags and shawl, and I want to have white skin like the Americans.".
PING ! ! ! The man was transformed, wearing worn out trainers, a dirty Dodgers T-shirt and a greasy baseball hat, He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
"What happened to my new teeth"? he wailed.
"Where is my new house ?
Where’s my Visa Gold Card"?
The fairy said "Tough luck, now that you are American, you're entitled to Sweet F... All, like the rest of us”.
And she disappeared.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2669 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2012, 09:54 AM
malc's Avatar
Living At The Speed Of Life
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: España Right Coast
Age: 63
Posts: 3,281
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 100
Thanked 120 Times in 99 Posts
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #2670 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2012, 10:03 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yuppieville, Tejas
Age: 73
Posts: 1,180
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 217
Thanked 231 Times in 180 Posts
I don't know who you Iz or what yo name Iz but I washes every Tursdee. (delete if necessary)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Tags
humor, off topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
400 SBC Daily Driver Buildup 31rdster Engine 22 06-01-2009 10:51 AM
Good God I'm bored! Read this or die, its funny. killerformula Off-Topic 30 05-06-2009 01:08 PM
Funny ha ha funny funny. coldknock Off-Topic 12 05-03-2009 06:15 AM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 7 10-29-2007 07:22 PM
Daily funny Kevin45 Off-Topic 1 06-25-2007 05:49 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:40 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.