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  #2821 (permalink)  
Old 02-07-2013, 01:45 PM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
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Duke, you have definitely got a grip on what'sup and if you ever need someone to cover your back just let me know.

WR

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  #2822 (permalink)  
Old 02-07-2013, 01:56 PM
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Thanks man, I appreciate that...

Duke
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  #2823 (permalink)  
Old 02-07-2013, 06:45 PM
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Apparently, the wearing of trousers in such a manner originated in prisons. It is a come-on, a signal that the wearer is 'ready for action'.
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  #2824 (permalink)  
Old 02-07-2013, 07:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated View Post
Apparently, the wearing of trousers in such a manner originated in prisons. It is a come-on, a signal that the wearer is 'ready for action'.
You fair dinkum, or just making a joke?

Duke
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  #2825 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2013, 02:32 AM
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As far as I'm aware it's a joke, hence the smiley face.


But I'd like to think it's true....might help remove the problem if we spread the rumour!
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  #2826 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2013, 07:39 PM
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One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters. The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat stoopid truck!"
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  #2827 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2013, 12:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated View Post
Apparently, the wearing of trousers in such a manner originated in prisons. It is a come-on, a signal that the wearer is 'ready for action'.
I heard it came about because prisoners were not allowed belts in prison.
Hence the sinking pants.

But by all means spread the rumor.
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  #2828 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2013, 04:19 AM
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  #2829 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2013, 07:39 AM
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Paddy and Mick were driving down the road drinking a couple of beers.

The passenger, Mick, suddenly said, 'B’J’sus.... up ahead -- t's a poliss roadblock!! We're gonna get busted for drinkin' dese here beers!!'

'Don't worry,' Paddy said. 'We'll just pull over, finish dese beers, den peel off the label, stick it on our foreheads and throw the bottles under the seat.'

'What fer?'

'Jist let me do d’ talkin', OK?'

So they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the officer took a long look at the two of them and said, 'You boys been drinkin'?'

'No at all,' said Paddy, pointing at the labels.

'We're on d’ patches!'
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  #2830 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2013, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malc View Post
I heard it came about because prisoners were not allowed belts in prison.
Hence the sinking pants.

But by all means spread the rumor.
G'day malc!

That settles it then, I'm spreading the rumour down here, sumpins' just gotta be done..

Duke
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  #2831 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2013, 04:08 PM
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This is so touching ....
A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text..............

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears.

I love you."


He replied........"I am taking a *******. What should I do?"
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  #2832 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2013, 02:32 PM
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AUSTRALIAN LETTER OF THE YEAR


This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade)
Immigration Minister. The Commonwealth Government tried desperately to censure
The author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet
Themselves laughing!

Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that
I bought a television set and golf clubs from them back in 1997, and yet the
Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income
Tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is also on my driver's licence, on the
Last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms
I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years
Since 1966.

Also... Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
Name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely ****ing astounded
If that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...

****! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide??

I apologise, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me,
I've had enough of all this bull****! You send the application to my house, then you ask
Me for my ****ing address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a
Gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even
Grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new
Granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please
Tell me, why would you give a **** whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next
15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep
Or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another
****ing copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of
Accessing MY OWN INFORMATION! Would it be so complicated to have all the
Services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same
Day??
Nooooo.. That 'd be too ****ing easy and makes far too much sense. You would much
Prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our ****ing heads cut off,
And then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the
Goddamn photo! You know the photo... The one where we're not allowed to smile?! ....
You ****ing morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.


P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in
'high-society' to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before
1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the
Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to
Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the
President of the RSL.. And Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each
Year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; You
know... someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN ****ING
PAKISTAN!!!..... a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and
are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the "right sort of government".

You are all ****ing idiots!






Duke
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  #2833 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2013, 07:43 AM
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My wife left me the other day
Said she was going out for milk
But she never came back

I'm doing OK
And I'm learning to cope
Been using that powdered stuff
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  #2834 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2013, 10:00 AM
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Just saw this, had to steal it.

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  #2835 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2013, 10:59 AM
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Nice one, Malc!


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