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  #2866 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 08:06 AM
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A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

A Louisiana State Trooper walked over to her car window, flipping open his ticket book.

She said, "I bet you are going to try and sell me a ticket for the Louisiana State Troopers' Ball."

He replied, "Louisiana State Troopers don't have balls."


There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

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  #2867 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 08:57 AM
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"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife.
"No," replied her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she asked.
"Uh, no," he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 60,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," he said, now really intrigued.
"Well, go look in the garage..."
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  #2868 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 09:48 AM
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LMAO - - - I'm gonna sue you, cause I think I herniated myself from laughing at that one.
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  #2869 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 09:53 AM
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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

BB
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  #2870 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 09:55 AM
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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

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  #2871 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 09:56 AM
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One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

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  #2872 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 09:59 AM
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Last one for today!

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

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  #2873 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 10:04 AM
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Can't help it, it's to good!

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

~~~~~
BB
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  #2874 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 10:07 AM
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No more I promise !

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"

BB
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  #2875 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 10:13 AM
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New Job !

Even tho I've been retired for several years, I found out the other day that I had a new job as my Wife's sex adviser. She informed me that, if she needed my ******* advice, she'd ask for it.
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  #2876 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 11:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet View Post
LMAO - - - I'm gonna sue you

Good luck with that!



Hey, what's the difference between a woman & a goat?

Quite a lot, according to the law!
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  #2877 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 01:07 PM
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Strip Tease







Hint: You gotta keep tryin'.
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  #2878 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated View Post
Strip Tease







Hint: You gotta keep tryin'.
I tried beating that little guy with my mouse now the darn computer won't work!

BB
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  #2879 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 03:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boothboy View Post
I tried beating that little guy with my mouse now the darn computer won't work!

BB
But you're posting here? ?


The hint was that every time he stops the film, you just hit the little play button again.

I'm really sorry if it's affected your computer - that wasn't my intention at all.
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  #2880 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2013, 04:25 PM
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blonde men jokes

Blonde MEN Jokes

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.

A blonde man is in jail.
Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

(This one actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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