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  #316 (permalink)  
Old 04-25-2008, 03:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
This is so funny - it started my day off a treat!

Bill Cosby on the Jay Leno show, talking about a Cobra...

http://s164.photobucket.com/albums/u...AboutCobra.flv
If you want more of Bill and the Cobra get this CD album 200 MPH
I seem to recall his Cobra was one of only two automatics built, Shelby had the other.
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  #317 (permalink)  
Old 04-25-2008, 03:47 PM
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re; daily funny revisited

Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
But 12" sounds so much better than 300mm.....



This is so funny - it started my day off a treat!

Bill Cosby on the Jay Leno show, talking about a Cobra...

http://s164.photobucket.com/albums/u...AboutCobra.flv
ROFL Tom
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  #318 (permalink)  
Old 04-25-2008, 06:35 PM
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Bedroom golf rules :

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
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  #319 (permalink)  
Old 04-26-2008, 12:58 AM
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Hehehe....

I thought of a few more you could add...

13. Each player should take a few moments to admire the fairway from the clubhouse, that way, the course owner won't feel that the play area is being used as a 'practise run'.

14. Unlike outdoor golf, no caddy is required unless a film crew is in attendance, in which case the player may require alternative clubs to complete the course.

15. A 'Hole In One' is not only not allowed, but would be considered the ultimate insult to the course owner.

16. Any player flouting or disregarding the rules may find his balls being sliced in the rough.
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  #320 (permalink)  
Old 04-26-2008, 03:19 AM
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Viva la Migra!!
 
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I see you've played this game before!
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  #321 (permalink)  
Old 04-26-2008, 05:47 AM
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Wanna see my scorecard?
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  #322 (permalink)  
Old 04-26-2008, 06:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
Hehehe....

I thought of a few more you could add...

13. Each player should take a few moments to admire the fairway from the clubhouse, that way, the course owner won't feel that the play area is being used as a 'practise run'.

14. Unlike outdoor golf, no caddy is required unless a film crew is in attendance, in which case the player may require alternative clubs to complete the course.

15. A 'Hole In One' is not only not allowed, but would be considered the ultimate insult to the course owner.

16. Any player flouting or disregarding the rules may find his balls being sliced in the rough.
How do you clean coffee off of your monitor
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  #323 (permalink)  
Old 04-26-2008, 01:35 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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For several decades now - - Generations have been grouped as follows:

The Silent Generation: people born before 1945.

The Baby Boomers: people born between 1945 and 1961.

Generation X: people born between 1962 and 1976.

Generation Y: people born between 1977 and 1989.

Why do we call the last one the "Generation Y" ??
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  #324 (permalink)  
Old 04-27-2008, 12:23 PM
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CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


In a while, Chet.
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  #325 (permalink)  
Old 04-27-2008, 05:15 PM
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A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint .



When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,

'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints.



After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry'

and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far
over and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side.

Then he asked the little lizard,
'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked
into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was
sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,



'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,





'Shooooooooooot, duuuuuude.....
How much water did you drink?!!'






R
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  #326 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2008, 01:35 PM
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Oldie but Goodie and Election Year applicable.

John, the farmer, was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Al, a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning John noticed old Al's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Al had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Al, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Al the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Al was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible
.
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  #327 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2008, 01:46 PM
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re;daily funny--- revisited

Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet
Oldie but Goodie and Election Year applicable.

John, the farmer, was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Al, a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning John noticed old Al's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Al had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Al, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Al the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Al was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible
.
Man;a pun is the lowest form of humor(myself excluded,of course) nice play! Tom
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  #328 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2008, 12:05 PM
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George Bush & Tony Blair were having a meeting in The White House.
George's wife walks in & asks what their meeting is about.
George explains to her that they are making plans for World War Three, so she asks what the plans are.
George says: "We're going to kill 14 million Muslims & one Dentist".
"Why one Dentist?" She asks.
Bush pats Blair on the back & says: "See? I told you noone would ask about the freckin' Muslims!"
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  #329 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2008, 12:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
George Bush & Tony Blair were having a meeting in The White House.
George's wife walks in & asks what their meeting is about.
George explains to her that they are making plans for World War Three, so she asks what the plans are.
George says: "We're going to kill 14 million Muslims & one Dentist".
"Why one Dentist?" She asks.
Bush pats Blair on the back & says: "See? I told you noone would ask about the freckin' Muslims!"
I thought Tony Blair, for a living, was only joy riding the Heathrow trains without paying.

Last edited by Irelands child; 04-29-2008 at 01:06 PM.
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  #330 (permalink)  
Old 04-30-2008, 11:07 AM
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One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
The Game Warden says, 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true', she says, 'but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' he replied and he left.
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