AH! Memories!

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now, I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically.

Below are two birds. Study them closely...See if you can spot which of the two is the female.
It can be done. Even by someone with limited bird watching skills!

The law says you must give full disclosure of any problems with a house when you sell it.

it tastes like coon to me,and everyone knows what squirrel taste like.Right?

next time you pay for food you should wash your hands before touching it,(the food that is)and never like your fingers to count money,I saw a check out lady doing it and was shocked!!! swine flu anyone?

How can you tell if you have the swine flu?

All you want to do is lay in the mud and screw!

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,
And during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?
'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'
Horrified Jane said, ' Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
'Here' she said,pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed ' What did you do that for ?'
Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

Russ
Later gator

A guy walks into a bakery but there's nobody behind the counter.

"Hello?" the guy calls out.

"Over here in the back," he hears someone say.

The guy goes around the corner and to the back and sees the baker with no shirt on rolling a ball of dough on his big, sweaty belly.

"What are you doing?" asks the guy, frowning.

The baker says, "I'm making buns."

The guy asks, "Isn't that kind of disgusting?"

The baker replies, "You should see how I make my donuts!"

Man this thread is getting long! I was checking some earlier posts and noticed I'm starting to recycle! I posted this one back in 2007 on page 2

Gonna have to do a thread search before posting to make sure I stop repeating myself stop repeating myself.

what was that .... again
Russ
later gator

hey pig,your still young enough to catch yourself,in ten more years??????????Well...........you'll get used to it,you'll learn to laugh at yourself too

Don"t feel bad Paul, I posted a joke in post 67 (2007), then repeated it in post 131...a month later..

Just like an 8 track tape...

Later, mikey

__________________
my signature lines...not really directed at anyone in particular..

BE different....ACT normal.

No one is completely useless..They can always be used as a bad example

Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep
asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them ?

Mum said : " YOU should say NO - they only want to look at your knickers".

Susie said : " I know they do that's why I hide them in my bag"!!
rUSS
LATER GATOR,oops, dam, big thumbs

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening.
Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you
also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I
couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try
to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"
as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas
station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy
with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after
I broke the
windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a
bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your
bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down
the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so
I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one
to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat
(I guess while he traced the number).

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so
lucky..
- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

Ah,Ha,ha,ha,Thats funny ,I went to the gun shop yesterday but they're out of shells,seems everyone is, thanks to the new prez,the public is buying them up fast as they can be made,not so funny!!!