ha,ha,ha this time I already had my monitor coverd in plastic AND I'm drinking coffee,but my guts hurt now too

This is too good not to share, in this economy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhhk...player_embedded



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OMG,now they did it,I guess it wont be long before their shut down you cant talk like that about a dumbacrate an expect to survive especialy Mr. Obama.I especialy love the comemorative coins made in his honor before he did anything ,now if thats not a joke I don't know what is

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

florida has had over 20"s of rain recently and there is extensive flooding. The Florida governor has asked Obama for some relief. Obama said that they could probably get a bailout and would send some porkbarrels to do it with.

What is the differance between Beer nuts and Deer nuts ? ( You can get beer nuts for $1.99 and deer nuts are under a buck). Heeeeee heeee he he heee . Cole

Ahh , that was good . I wish Sammy could have been here to do that one......

If you get a chance check out this link http://www.hotrodders.com/forum/ace...tml#post1124254
for a post that I started that is on going. Be sure to visit the last page. You will get a good laugh out of it!

Two men are out, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me for over 2 months.'

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, 'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.

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Support free speech on our website, looky here:Lawsuit against our free speech

I love the English/Scottish sense of reality in names. (Malc, thanks for the reminder)

As seen on The Orkney's Main Island:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And that's when the fight started....

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive ... so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started....

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started....

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees, and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's when the fight started....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.

And that's when the fight started....

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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped out of the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's when the fight started....

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out in to a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be awful all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Yeah can you believe it my stupid husband is out there fishing in it?'

And that's when the fight started....

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

She replied, "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

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Last night my wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

My wife says I grew up on that road!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says her body hurts everywhere she touches it.

"Not possible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed it on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her ankle and everywhere she touched she screamed.

The doctor said, "you're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blond."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken".

a woman goes into a doctors surgery, when the doctor finally sees her, she says she feels like she is a moth.she says she likes flapping her arms and running around.
Doctor asks her why she came and saw him, she replied, oh, i saw the light on!!

russ
later gator