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  #916 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2009, 05:45 AM
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Irish men were sitting at the bar. One turned to the other and said, “oh,
ye come here often do ye?’


The other one said, ‘ah yes, as a matter of fact I do.



First one said, “oh then ye must live close by”



To which the other replied, “as a matter of fact I do. I live in Dublin”



“Really? Why so do I!” said the first man. “and jus’ where might you be a
livin’ in Dublin?’



“in a little area called Duncan’s Way” was the reply



“May the Lord bless us! I live in the very same area!! And where did you go to
school, if I may ask” the first man asked with rising interest



“Why, St. Mary’s of course!” said the other



“Oh, this is indeed too exciting. Tis such a small world.” said the first man.
“And what year did you graduate?”



“In the year 1964” was the reply



“I canna believe what I am hearing. I TOO graduated from St. Mary’s in the very
same year!! the first man shook his head.



About that time, Danny O’Riley walked in and sat at the bar. The bartender
leaned over and said, “ah, Danny, I fear it’s going to be long evening”



“And why is that?” asked Danny



“Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again”

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  #917 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2009, 06:56 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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One time there was a Kanuck and a Texan swapping stories and tall tales. The BS was getting deep and the tall tales were getting taller, so the Kanuck took a sip of his Beer and said.

"It takes me 3 days to ride the fence around my entire ranch"

The Texas replied.

"Yup, I know whatcha mean, I had a horse like that once"
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  #918 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2009, 05:43 AM
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A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'
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  #919 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:44 PM
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Auto Mechanic Prank Call
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  #920 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2009, 02:45 AM
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Awesome Malc.......still laughing
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  #921 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rossco
Awesome Malc.......still laughing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrI3GjiS2Sk me too...women can be a constant source of humor and pain ..
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  #922 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2009, 07:24 PM
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as a furiner i really enjoyed this ...................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFQMsCMLwys

haha
russ
later gator
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  #923 (permalink)  
Old 10-04-2009, 04:47 PM
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SNL does Obammy

http://hotairpundit.blogspot.com/200...a-for-not.html
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  #924 (permalink)  
Old 10-05-2009, 09:36 AM
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A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush’s home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ***?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's ***."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,



* "Hard to fool them flies, though."*
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  #925 (permalink)  
Old 10-05-2009, 06:00 PM
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i liked this 1


Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from America and bragged that he had told his new wife to do the dishes and all the cleaning in the house.

He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.

James had married a woman from Ireland and bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking.

He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said that he had married a Ozzie girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye.
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  #926 (permalink)  
Old 10-05-2009, 10:03 PM
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Tragedy

Seems back a few weeks ago when Obammy was torturing the school kids with his lectures on tragedies , he actually learned what the verb tragedy meant . While asking the kids what the word tragedy meant , a girl raised her hand and asked if ; when her brother was running through a wheat field and got run over by a tractor was a tragedy ?

No , BHObamma says, that would be an accident , young lady.

Then a young boy raises his hand to give his definition ; Would it be a tragedy if our school bus , on the way to dropping us off after school today "accidentally" flipped over , caught on fire and burned us all alive ?

No, Obamma says , that would be a great loss , young man .

Well, after waving his hand frantically it was Little Johnny's turn to give his definition ;

A great tragedy would be if, when Air Force One was flying into Chicago International with Mr. and Mrs. Barack H. Obamma and all his czars and cabinet members aboard , it exploded into a massive ball of flames and took out half the surrounding city .

The class was dead silent with all eyes and mouths wide open staring at Little Johnny , when Obamma says ; Now John , could you please explain yourself in describing this great tragedy .

Well sure, first of all , we all know that it wouldn't be a great loss , and it damn sure wouldn't have been an accident , so it's got to be a tragedy .
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  #927 (permalink)  
Old 10-07-2009, 04:43 PM
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The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me"

So the Pope backhanded the b****.
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  #928 (permalink)  
Old 10-07-2009, 06:39 PM
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Wratchit,That kind of joke is uncalled for and definitly needs a "put coffee down and swallow before reading" WARNING !! Caught me off gaurd..again ,Dang you..LOL
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  #929 (permalink)  
Old 10-07-2009, 07:01 PM
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I taw I taw a puddy tat a tweeping up on me. I did , you g** d##n right I did an he just made me pee.
Tweety
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  #930 (permalink)  
Old 10-08-2009, 06:19 AM
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Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out.Both were very faithful and loving wives,however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on bacardi breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee,so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair and didnt want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to swat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it,so she proceeded to wipe with that.
The next day one of the womens husbands was concerned that his normally swet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,so he called the other husband and said,These girls nights have to stop!i'm starting to suspect the worse....
My wife came home with no panties!!!!
That 's nothing, said the other husband.MINE CAME BACK WITH A CARD STUCK IN HER *** THAT SAID......
FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION..
WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU...
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