A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a
bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate
glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at
all.
Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a funeral car
for the last 25 years."

This dude is GOOOOOOD

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:...o:cmt.com:40319

That was funny, pretty original stuff, lmao!

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A Redneck couple from Texas who had 9 children went to the Doctor and asked him to perform a vascetomy on the husband and a hysterectomy on the wife. The Doctor asked them "why, after 9 children, do you all of a sudden not want to have anymore children?"

The husband said, "Well, Doc, I was reading an article in the paper last week that said that 1 outa every 10 children born in America was Mexican and since neither of us speak Spanish, we didn't want to have to try and raise a Mexican baby!"

FISHING TRIP WITH A GOOD SCOTCH


I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth,
I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Scotch and poured a little whisky in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident,
and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFQMsCMLwys

russ
later gator

A funny (...but then, maybe not so... )

At the top right hand corner of Page 17 of the New York Post of January 24th, 2009 , was a short column entitled "Replacing Michelle" in the National Review "The Week" column. So here it is, word for word, as it appeared:

Some employees are simply irreplaceable. Take Michelle Obama: The University of Chicago Medical center hired her in 2002 to run "programs for community relations, neighborhood outreach, volunteer recruitment, staff diversity and minority contracting" .

In 2005 the hospital raised her salary from $120,000 to $317,000 - nearly twice what her husband made as a Senator.

Oh did we mention that her husband had just become a US Senator? He sure had. Requested a $1 million earmark for the UC Medical Center, in fact. Way to network Michelle!

But now that Mrs. Obama has resigned, the hospital says her position will remain unfilled. How can that be, if the work she did was vital enough to be worth $317,000?

Let me add that Michelle's position was a part time, 20 hour a week job. And to think they were critical of Blagoyovich' s wife for taking $100,000 in fuzzy real estate commission.

My thoughts: How did this bit of quid pro quo corruption escape the sharp reporters that dug through Sarah Palin's garbage and kindergarten files? Unbelievable!

Dave W

I was having trouble with my computer.

So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard

Couple of months ago I was having computer problems and I finally got so fed up I took it over to my buds shop ,He's a GEEK and the place is full of Geeks.Now I'm a pretty big guy but I got the fix Geek to carry the PC in for me ,just to keep him alert you dig,Well I told him I had tried this and that and the other but nothing worked and he said I'll take a look at it.I walked around the store and after a while he called me back."I found your problem sir,"Oh yeah,"I freaked out.I thought I had not overlooked anything,after all I was at it for weeks to no avail.It was the wobble shaft .Now I had asked this guy questions before and he even had been over to the house and cleared up my mess.[I allways seem to hit the wrong button or something stupid.What do I owe you I quizzed ? Oh nothing,He replied, I get a bunch of wobble shafts that need fixing,I never charge to do it.But we need you to sign this list."Sure",I complied.Sorry but if it gives you any more trouble we will have to replace the wobble bearings."Sure.When I got home the thing worked perfectly.Man those Geeks sure are smart.

DANG YOU,blue 54...No screan saver coffee warning!!!! I need an underwater laptop.....Or a clear plastic cover...caught me off gaurd...I know how you feel I get the eye roll from my 10yr old grandson....Hey moon I had to get my button fluid changed last week....had to bar b Q ribs for the grandson in exchange...

The genie
A wife to play her first game of golf.....Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a t housand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."=2 0

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No ****," he said, "Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?"

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(This one's for the Oil Patch Trash - - LOL)

Boudreaux from South Louisiana was working derricks on a big rig in Brazil .

Every day on his tour he would see this monkey watching him from a tree, so he started bringing up bananas and feeding the monkey.

It didn't take long and that monkey was in the derrick with him and he taught the monkey how to rack pipe.

After only a few days, the derrick hand didn't have to do anything. The monkey was doing it all.

Well the rig hand got laid off. He went home to South Louisiana . He sat home for 6 months hanging around, shooting pool, drinking beer and then one day the phone rang. They wanted to know if he wanted his derrick job back in Brazil .

Right away he said " U-huh,,,,,so y'all finally figured out that I was better than that monkey huh?"

They said "No sir, the monkey made toolpusher, he's the one said to call you."

I usually don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in my email, but this one is too important. This one has been circulating for months. Please, keep it going!



To show your SUPPORT for Obama's health care reform, please go the end of the list and add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on to your entire e-mail list.



1. Nancy Pelosi

2. Max Baucus
3. Olympia Snowe
4. Christopher Dodd
5. Harry Reid
6. Chuckie Schumer
7. Kirsten Gillibrand

Heres one !
A rather uneducated couple cant have kids no matter how hard they try
So the go to the doctor-
The doctor asks them how often they "try" to have kids-
The both of them look up to the doctor with blank faces....
The doctor say well,you know....intercourse !
both of their faces remain blank
Heres where is gets weird-
the doctor asks the wife to disrobe and so does the doctor
after the demonstration the doctor asks the husband if he has any questions....
The husband reply's Doc...How often does this need to be done ?
O about 3 times a week....or more...says the doctor
The husband reply's o-k doc,well then can I bring my gal in on monday, Wednesday and friday !!!!!!