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  #91 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2008, 05:58 PM
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WITH THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT STILL FRESH IN OUR HEARTS & MINDS, SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN YOURSELF



As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.



Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this persons condition.



Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.



Recalling some long ago priest who made an admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.



Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head kept saying, "Reach out, reach out!"




So I did..........



I won't be at Church for a few weeks!!
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  #92 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2008, 08:58 PM
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Schnitz - Those aircraft maintainance thingiemabobbers were KILLING me !
I had to stop and come back to finish reading them .
Good stuff!
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  #93 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2008, 09:25 PM
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Thanks for that Job rated...Plumber's crack on a spinner like that make me want to walk... like a camel.

Little Debbie, little Debbie...


Later, mikey
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  #94 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 01:24 AM
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A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.


Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."


Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"


The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was us Italians who introduced it to women!"

Later, mikey
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No one is completely useless..They can always be used as a bad example
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  #95 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 04:17 AM
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Quality!

Moreso, since I'm half Italian!
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  #96 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 04:48 AM
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[QUOTE=Job~Rated]Moreso, since I'm half Italian!QUOTE]

Half ? Top, bottom, left or right ?
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  #97 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 05:40 AM
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Well, when I say something like: 'I've half a mind to quit', it's usually the Italian half...
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  #98 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 11:52 AM
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An eskimo is driving into town on his snowmobile and 3/4 of the way there , it breaks down.
He begrudgingly pushes it the rest of the way , through the wind and snow .
As the mechanic was looking over the snowmobile , he tells the Eskimo , "It looks like you blew a seal ."
To which the eskimo replied " No , man! That's just frost on my mustache! "
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  #99 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 11:55 AM
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What's the most popular pick-up line in a gay bar?
























May I push in your stool ?
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  #100 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 11:57 AM
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why did the greeks lose the war?








they couldn't leave their friends behind.
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  #101 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 12:05 PM
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Hillary Clinton was crossing the street when a car came screeching around the corner , headed right for her . A young man ran over and pushed her to safety at the last possible moment. Getting to her feet , Mrs. Clinton thanked him profusely , and asked what she could do in return for saving her.
"Put me in the witness protection program" he replied.
"But why?" ,a puzzled Mrs. Clinton asked.
"Because when my father , the doctor, finds out who's life I just saved , it's a good bet that he's going to want to kill me."
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  #102 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 12:33 PM
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And in that vein....

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened.

She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare huge Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily with smeared with lipstick on his face.

"What happened to you?" asked Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "The farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me". "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it.
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  #103 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 79C10
What's the most popular pick-up line in a gay bar?


May I push in your stool ?

I'm not sure if I really want to know how you know that....




In a while, Chet.
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  #104 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 06:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schnitz
I'm not sure if I really want to know how you know that....




In a while, Chet.
I don't blame you.
I only know 2 jokes that are worse than that one , but I ain't puttin em up on here.
My youngest brother told me that one ,and I said the same thing to him.
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  #105 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2008, 06:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
WITH THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT STILL FRESH IN OUR HEARTS & MINDS, SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN YOURSELF



As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.



Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this persons condition.



Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.



Recalling some long ago priest who made an admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.



Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head kept saying, "Reach out, reach out!"




So I did..........



I won't be at Church for a few weeks!!
Job~rated , was the missus with you when you reached out , or did the svelt young lass in the pic do that to you?


I have one from the nice folks at the Salvation Army , something about sharing / recycling your old clothes....yadda , yadda , yadda , you never know who might need them etc.....
It came with this pic.
Laters~
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