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  #1051 (permalink)  
Old 11-24-2009, 09:45 PM
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Not realy a funny, but

Happy Thanksgiving All
May you be in and enjoy the company of family & friends.

Remember to give thanks for all those friends and family.

Please be safe

Bill

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  #1052 (permalink)  
Old 11-25-2009, 12:10 AM
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this is soooooooo funny

well i thought so

A young fella takes a lady out to lunch for the first time. Later they go on to a show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'


She agrees and a date is made. The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face. He is stunned.


'What was that for?' he asked.

She said 'I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall'

lmfao
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  #1053 (permalink)  
Old 11-25-2009, 12:01 PM
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  #1054 (permalink)  
Old 11-26-2009, 07:16 AM
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Paddy & Murphy are fishing on the river bank when Paddy says he needs a dump but there's no toilet roll.

"Use five dollars!" Says Murphy.

"Good idea!" Replies Paddy, so off he goes into the bushes.

Five minutes later he returns with crap all over his hands & clothes.

"What the hell happened?" Asks Murphy.

Paddy replies: "Have you ever tried wiping your bum with four silver dollars & four quarters?"
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  #1055 (permalink)  
Old 11-26-2009, 07:37 AM
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.

'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.

'That little O'Conner,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'

That he did,' says Paddy, 'A shovel is what he had and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'

'Well,' says Sean, 'You should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'

That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's breast....and a thing of beauty it was but useless in a fight.'
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  #1056 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2009, 08:46 AM
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A British squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the platoon leader asked the injured soldier what had happened.

The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a useless, good-for-nothing, two-faced cry baby and Hilary Clinton is a cross-dressing idiot.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian.

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Sarah Palin!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bus hit us"
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  #1057 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2009, 05:40 PM
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Once again, I was disqualified from my neighborhood holiday "Best Decorated House"Ěcontest due to my bad attitude!

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  #1058 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2009, 07:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
Once again, I was disqualified from my neighborhood holiday "Best Decorated House"Ěcontest due to my bad attitude!

HAHAHA ...You shoulda spelled SANTA in the snow........Or ...MERRY CHRISTMAS....might have got you first place.... for effort
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  #1059 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2009, 04:04 AM
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Is it to soon for Tiger jokes?.... Naw.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

2. Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.
She said "I don't know exactly. but put me down for a 5."

3. Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has
a hole-in-one.

4. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a
ball 400 yards.

5. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing!

6. Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between a wood and an iron.

7. Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to
beat Tiger!
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  #1060 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2009, 10:30 AM
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Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

Apparently the only person that can beat Tiger with a golf club is his wife.
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  #1061 (permalink)  
Old 12-03-2009, 04:46 AM
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He shoulda used his driver....
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  #1062 (permalink)  
Old 12-03-2009, 06:33 AM
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Didn't want to start a separate thread but THIS is probably the FUNNIEST thing I have seen lately.

This morning on Fox News they showed a wedding in progress and the Bride and Groom were at the Alter. The Preacher was giving them their Vows and the Grooms cell phone rings. He then proceeds to answer it and jestures to the congregation to hold on a second while the Preacher and Bride stare at him in amazement. He then replies to the message and allows the Preacher to continue.

Maybe I should have started a "Most Pathetic Thread" for this instead.
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  #1063 (permalink)  
Old 12-03-2009, 09:51 AM
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Quote:
2. Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly. but put me down for a 5."
That's some funny schtick right there! lmao...
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  #1064 (permalink)  
Old 12-03-2009, 11:14 PM
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TIGER WOODS' CHRISTMAS PORTRAIT

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  #1065 (permalink)  
Old 12-04-2009, 05:14 AM
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HAHAHA....I wonder if she beat him with his own clubs ......If they're all bent up it might explain why he wont be playing for a while...Shes a good looking woman though.......a 19.....thats a 10 with a 9 iron...

Last edited by deadbodyman; 12-04-2009 at 10:38 AM.
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