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  #1141 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 01:52 PM
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Screan saver warning !!!!

WARNING: Ok guys whatever your drinking .....Take anouther sip set it down and swallow .....Now check this new invention out....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A3B8DE-X_U

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  #1142 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 02:24 PM
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  #1143 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 04:11 PM
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Now how did you do that????? PM Me if its easy enough for a 5yr old.
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  #1144 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 05:23 PM
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Open up a free account at a picture hosting site such as photobucket, imageshack, flickr etc. & follow their instructions for hosting & posting your own images.

The ones you see are hosted on photobucket. I picked them up from various sites I've visited, right clicked on them & 'save as', then uploaded them to the image host & copied & pasted the links in the reply box on here. If you're unsure, click 'quote' on a post with a pic in it & you'll see how it's done.
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  #1145 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 05:51 PM
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Cool ....so much to learn...
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  #1146 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 08:43 PM
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5QEFBwdciA
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  #1147 (permalink)  
Old 01-04-2010, 11:09 PM
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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of
Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a
mussel..

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft.. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an
open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal'.
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan'.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... a
super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call
went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least
ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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  #1148 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2010, 07:17 AM
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A Kick In The *****

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken..'

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'

The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.

Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end..'

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments.

He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?

'Kick me in the *****,' said the Marine.

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'
'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the *****,' insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the *****.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.

In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists,then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11.

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the *****?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three ***** holes report that I was the aggressor...?

Semper If!
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  #1149 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2010, 07:25 AM
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LOL, Its such a comfort knowing I'm not the only one with an appreciation for the simpler things. I especially liked 1 & 6.... I dont know why I have such a hard time remembering a good joke and these always stick with me.............What do you call a dear with no eyes......no eye deer....
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  #1150 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2010, 11:19 AM
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Inside Dog Or Outside Dog?

Two dogs are kenneled side by side at the local vets office. After alot of silence among the pair, finally one says to the other, Man, I'm so afraid. Other dog says, of what? The first dog says, well its a long story, but I was always an inside dog. I was so spoiled I could get away with anything. I used to piss on the couch and mess on the floor just to get my jollies. Finally the man told his wife he had enough. They brought me here, I'm afraid they are going to have me put to sleep, so much for me, what are you here for? The other dog says, I've always been a outside dog, never got to go into the house. So one day I'm walking around in the yard and noticed that they left the back door open. So I go in to see what it looks like. I'm walking down the hall, look into the bathroom, bow-wow, the lady of the house bent over the tub, naked, washing her hair. Man, it was a sight to see. I couldn't help myself, I just jumped up and got me some. The inside dogs eyes got real big, Ohh Noo Man, they gonna kill you too. Outside dog says, Naw Man, I'm here for a shampoo, cut and style. I'm a inside dog now!
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  #1151 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2010, 12:39 PM
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Police Dog

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline.

"Dont mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. Ill show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this."

He tells the dog, "Rover, search"

The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handlers arm. He says, "Good boy" He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so Im making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."

"Fantastic" replies the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handlers arm.

The handler says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, Im making a note of this, and the seat number."

"Wow" says the first man.

Once again, the handler sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back, jumps up onto the seat, and craps all over the place The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks, "What the heck was THAT for???"

The handler replies, "Looks like he found a bomb."
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  #1152 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2010, 01:05 PM
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Police Dog

Dammit DBM, You gotta post a forewarning, ya keep makin me spit coke on my computer and it burns when it goes through my nose. olnolan
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  #1153 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2010, 06:06 PM
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OOPPS.... Wait a minute .....expolsive powder in his custom made underpants????????? even if the bomb worked..There'd be 72 very unhappy virgins.
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  #1154 (permalink)  
Old 01-06-2010, 07:08 AM
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Your car left the scene? Where were You?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWT1pY1mVlY I so glad I came back to the south.
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  #1155 (permalink)  
Old 01-06-2010, 09:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deadbodyman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWT1pY1mVlY I so glad I came back to the south.
It is a state requirement in the northwest stating that if you are unable to operate and automobile due to age, vision or other problems you must get on the road when it snows or the streets are iced. It is the only thing that can explain the idiots and how they drive here.
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