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  #1276 (permalink)  
Old 02-07-2010, 10:31 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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I have found a printing company that will print these up in 1000 page tablets
and I figure that a couple of tablets will last me about a year or less.
If we order in bulk then we can save some money so let me know
how many you need and I will place the order !

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  #1277 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 06:16 AM
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Better put me down for a few K ....I love the sincerity section.
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  #1278 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 06:30 PM
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Now that my daughter has moved back in sign me up for a case. That sshould make it thru May. Can I have the Name pre printed?
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  #1279 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 07:14 PM
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Little Johnny

I've been meaning to post some Little Johnny jokes;

Little Johnny was a cute little kid but had developed a really dirty mouth by the time he started school.

His teacher new this all too well and always had to think twice about calling on him in class because he was subject to blurting out some pretty nasty words.

One day she's doing a word game where she flashes a letter card and the children are supposed to create a word with that letter and spell it.

She flashes a "B", Johnny is frantically waving his hand but she knows that he'll probably say bittch. She calls on little Susan instead who spells Baby. She flashes a "P", Johnny is ooh,ooh,ooh I know. She decides to call on Roy because she can think of a couple of bad words that start with "P". Roy spells Pants. She flashes a "R", Johnny is nearly jumping out of his desk, waving his arm around. Since all the other children were stumped and she could not think of a bad word that started in "R", she finally gave him a chance. Little Johnny stands up and says "R", RAT, R-A-T. She says very good Johnny. He says, thanks teach, I seen one this morning by the dumpster, he had a big ol PECKER, P-E-C-K-E-R.
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  #1280 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 07:33 PM
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Sam stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing..

Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What in the world is taking so long?'

'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Sam explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'

His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'
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  #1281 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2010, 05:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet
I have found a printing company that will print these up in 1000 page tablets
and I figure that a couple of tablets will last me about a year or less.
If we order in bulk then we can save some money so let me know
how many you need and I will place the order !
Dang.we better hurry wratch,I've barely been up for a 1/2 hr and I need three already musta been talking in my sleep again...
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  #1282 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2010, 07:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deadbodyman
Dang.we better hurry wratch,I've barely been up for a 1/2 hr and I need three already musta been talking in my sleep again...
Dang, you too, Mikey?? Yesterday the Wiffy asked me 2 of those questions that you DO NOT answer - - - - well, you guessed it, I ANSWERED both of them. There's been egg shells on the floor ever since
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  #1283 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2010, 09:11 AM
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(Warning, clear mouth of all liquids)
A woman from Los Angeles (a tree hugger, democrat, and anti-hunter) purchased a piece of timberland, near Colville, WA .There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a Doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter -- and then proceeded to describe how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, What took you so long? He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry,........................but they turned me down.
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  #1284 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2010, 09:20 AM
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Help

Hep Me, I'm Chokin On My Biscuit :d
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  #1285 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2010, 09:47 AM
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SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS

All seven dwarfs were madly in love with Snow White. She turned them all down on dates or any type of relationship. The dwarves were drinking one night and got into a discussion about it. They decided that they would go to her window and maybe catch a glimpse of her naked. When they got there, the window was too high for ther lil short azzes to see through. They decided to get on one anothers shoulders, with an agreement that the dwarf on top would pass the word down and let the others know whats going on. They drew straws to see who would be up top. No sooner than they got in to position, Snow White enters her bedroom and drops her dress to the floor. Top dwarf says, shes taking her dress off,taking her dress off, takin her dress off, down the line. She then takes her bra off, shes taking her bra off, shes taking her bra off, down the line. She then takes her panties off, shes taking her panties off, shes taking her panties off, down the line. Wait a minute, somebody is coming, somebody is coming, me too, me too, me too, me too, me too.
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  #1286 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2010, 04:14 AM
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Dear Grim Reaper,

Last year, you took away my favourite dancer Michael Jackson, my favourite actor Patrick Swayze, my favourite singer Stephen Gately, my favourite porn star Marilyn Chambers and my favourite actress Farah Fawcett.





Just so you know, my favourite politician is Nancy Pelosi.
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  #1287 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2010, 04:23 AM
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You know you're a redneck when....


1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Auto trader value of your car goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” plays football on a different night.

5. You wonder how gas stations keep their toilets so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk

10. 6 fingers are normal

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the Tattoo parlour.

16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

17. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.

Last edited by Job~Rated; 02-10-2010 at 04:46 AM.
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  #1288 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2010, 04:27 AM
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I've just come out of McDonalds with 2 Big Macs, large fries, blueberry muffin and a coke. As I've come out, this old homeless guy that was sat there turns round and says "I've not eaten for two days".

I told him straight: "I wish I had your willpower......................"
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  #1289 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2010, 04:29 AM
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I was in town yesterday and somebody running along the pavement just cannoned into the back of me. "I'm very sorry," she said, "I was just walking along and suddenly my legs started going faster and faster and I couldn't stop".

"Never mind," I said, "No harm done. By the way, don't I recognise you from somewhere".

"Yes," she said, "I'm Toyota Willcox".
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  #1290 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2010, 07:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet
Dang, you too, Mikey?? Yesterday the Wiffy asked me 2 of those questions that you DO NOT answer - - - - well, you guessed it, I ANSWERED both of them. There's been egg shells on the floor ever since
LOL.The dreaded...Does my butt look big in this? or the... Whats she got that I dont???.... I just change the subject and say ...Do you feel good today? and grab her ***'s ....works for me.....so far ,dont change the subject hasn't come up.
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