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  #1306 (permalink)  
Old 02-12-2010, 06:57 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Yes altho they were on opposite sides of the ship they were facing each other and therefore looking in opposite directions - - - right??

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  #1307 (permalink)  
Old 02-12-2010, 07:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet
Yes altho they were on opposite sides of the ship they were facing each other and therefore looking in opposite directions - - - right??
Of coarse ,I knew you'd get it ,the man at the west end of the ship was looking east and the man at the east end was looking west.
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  #1308 (permalink)  
Old 02-12-2010, 07:44 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Here's one:

If it takes a hen and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half - - - - THEN, how long would it take a rooster sitting on a brass doorknob to hatch a hardware store ????

GIVE UP - - - - well, so did the Rooster
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  #1309 (permalink)  
Old 02-12-2010, 11:27 PM
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Apologies in advance for this one...

Last night, I was crushing a tablet into my dog's dinner & I felt real guilty about doing it.







But then I thought: If I ever got her pregnant, I'd never forgive myself...
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  #1310 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2010, 05:49 AM
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Now thats sick JR .....dont even know why I thought it was funny.. Theres something either something wrong with that rooster or he wasnt tring to HATCH that brass knob...maybe he found that Viagra that rolled under the counter....

Last edited by deadbodyman; 02-13-2010 at 05:57 AM.
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  #1311 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2010, 07:09 AM
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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow men, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bathing."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to reading his newspaper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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  #1312 (permalink)  
Old 02-14-2010, 03:33 PM
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(this guy is gooooood)
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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  #1313 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 02:34 AM
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On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.


"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you superior to all. Look at me...I'm me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"

The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother."


(No offence, guys!)
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  #1314 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 03:51 AM
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How many American tourists does it take ...

How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out
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  #1315 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 04:06 AM
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An old one...But even funnier now...
Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's *** and a cowboy hat. Now he's President of the United States......................Remember when we could laugh at jokes about the Prez...........LOL, "hey guys" ....miss me yet?........G.W.B.

Last edited by deadbodyman; 02-15-2010 at 04:12 AM.
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  #1316 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 07:43 AM
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Valentine's Poem


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a knife
Now get in the van
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  #1317 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 09:33 AM
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You know what might be funny ?????? we make a valintines poem ourselves.....Something Like .........Roses are red and I'm so blue......any takers for the first line????? and your hair is so blue????your butt is all wrinkled but mine is too??????/
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  #1318 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 10:30 AM
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Fawcett is dead
Jackson is too
I wonder who's next?
Well, I haven't a clue...
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  #1319 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 11:21 AM
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Biden's insane.... Pelossi is too....Obamas in trouble this much is true..... Were makin more money so the economy dont halt ...dont look at us its the republicans fault. .................................................. ........................................ .Kennidy is dead chewsitts is free ....lets have a party we'll start with the tea
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  #1320 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 12:18 PM
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Here I sit
All broken hearted
Paid a quarter to shift
But only pharted
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