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  #1321 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 12:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet
Here I sit
All broken hearted
Paid a quarter to shift
But only pharted
I walked out the door thinking I was done... dam Onolans Chile I better run......I think I can make it..I'm almost there ... all I gots a dollar... any change you can spare? .......Just give a quarter and keep the rest .....my sphincter is slipping ...will it pass this test........ should I be a rapper ...I dont know..... with this big brown spot cant wear my pants to low

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  #1322 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 12:54 PM
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Some come here to read and think
Some come here to dump and stink
But I come here to feel my **lls
And read the writing on the walls
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  #1323 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 12:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job~Rated
Some come here to read and think
Some come here to dump and stink
But I come here to feel my **lls
And read the writing on the walls
And if you tap your foot you'll get a surprise..... out comes a politician with a look in his eyes
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  #1324 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:01 PM
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Alone I stumble through the flowers
And try to count life´s drinking hours
For me dull days do not exist
I´m a boozy faced piss artist.
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  #1325 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:03 PM
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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says......................

"I wonder how the girls are getting on ?"
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  #1326 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:11 PM
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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  #1327 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:35 PM
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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
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  #1328 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:39 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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no more poems from me today
I can see by the above there ain't no way
old Malc and Mikey and Job Rated can be
the kings of the rhymes and poetry

so I'll lick my poetic wounds and settle for less
to continue my rhyming would just be a mess
now I am content to bow to the masters
to try and continue would be a disaster
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  #1329 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:49 PM
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Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch
your arse if you get a dodgy one!
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  #1330 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 01:55 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Q. What's the difference between a male chocolate Easter Bunny and a female chocolate Easter Bunny ?

A. About an inch of chocolate !
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  #1331 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2010, 04:56 PM
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The NEW Toyota Lawnmower....

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  #1332 (permalink)  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:02 PM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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The Wiffy's youngest son took this Pic in his Parking Garage this morning !

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  #1333 (permalink)  
Old 02-17-2010, 02:54 AM
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Little Melissa comes home from Primary 1 & tells her father that they learned about the history of St Valentine's Day.




'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?



Melissa's father thinks a bit then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?'




'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.




'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock.




'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little British Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad and maybe start loving people a little bit.




And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'




Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.'




'I know, ' Melissa says, 'And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the ******!'
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  #1334 (permalink)  
Old 02-18-2010, 10:43 AM
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces and the box.........Then he says, "First off, you can't put these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax and let's have a nice cup of tea", and finally he says.......



" Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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  #1335 (permalink)  
Old 02-18-2010, 10:48 AM
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hey Blue...... wait till i tell my wife.LOL
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