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  #1471 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2010, 11:42 PM
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  #1472 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2010, 09:41 AM
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When love fades

When Love Fades...



Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, *** hole. I was talking to the cat!"
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  #1473 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2010, 04:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bad Rat
When love fades

When Love Fades...



Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, *** hole. I was talking to the cat!"
Bill, that was my wife and she was talking to the dog. LMAO!
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  #1474 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2010, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinger
Bill, that was my wife and she was talking to the dog. LMAO!
I could have swore that it was my wife talking to our dog.
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  #1475 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2010, 05:34 PM
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Its a Known fact that 99% of men answer to the name A s s Hole,
it should have been a complete give away when you heard the words MY LOVE???? only Girl friends looking for gifts use those words,
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  #1476 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2010, 05:36 PM
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I knew it coudn't be my Wiffy because I feed the cat, her and myself - - - LOL
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  #1477 (permalink)  
Old 04-30-2010, 09:59 AM
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Job Hunt
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory,
but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that
was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice
to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found
I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't
have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.




10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered
I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.




12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.




13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because
it was the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED Retirement AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
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  #1478 (permalink)  
Old 04-30-2010, 10:15 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Very PUNNY !
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  #1479 (permalink)  
Old 05-01-2010, 12:55 AM
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A Catholic priest, a doctor, a rich businessman and an Italian guy from South Philly were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Italian guy from South Philly fumed, "What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!"

The rich businessman called out, "Move it, time is money!"

The Catholic priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. 'Excuse me, sir!' said the priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them."

The rich businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!"

The Italian guy from South Philly said, "Why the hell can't they play at night?"
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  #1480 (permalink)  
Old 05-01-2010, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carsavvycook
"Morning Sex"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual

soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only

the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said

softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming

or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then

gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,

her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
OUCH!!!!
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  #1481 (permalink)  
Old 05-03-2010, 07:45 PM
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Egg Timer

If my wife would do that to me, I would have been done before the eggs!
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  #1482 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2010, 05:54 AM
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I dont get it ....funny joke though...
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  #1483 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2010, 08:30 AM
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Soft Boiled Eggs

Quote:
Originally Posted by deadbodyman
I dont get it ....funny joke though...
DBM, soft boiled eggs only take about three minutes, get it? Haa, Nolan
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  #1484 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2010, 08:42 AM
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I like mine over easy (pun intended)
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  #1485 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2010, 09:03 AM
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The complicated defination of a QUICKIE,,
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