Two guys out walking and one falls into a disused mineshaft...........plop.
The other turns around shocked, goes to the hole and shouts down, "Are you injured ?"
The reply comes up, "Okay apart from broken arms and legs".
The guy at the top hollars down, "I´ll drop the rope down and you grab it in your teeth, I´ll haul you up".
After awhile the guy at the bottom manages to grap the end of the rope in his teeth and the one up top hauls away.
Just as the guys face appears at the rim the hauler upper guy asks,
"You okay ?"
"Yes".

man, am I slow this morning - - - had to read it twice - - ROFLMAO

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy". The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

So, I was talking to this little girl Catherine, the daughter of some friends, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine - "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied - "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house."

Catherine (who was about 4) thought that over for a second, while her Mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party!"