"Go and have a look at the size of the turd I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"Yuk! No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."
She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."