Divorce takes the joy out of a project - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 01:20 AM
jonathanks's Avatar
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Age: 44
Posts: 22
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Divorce takes the joy out of a project

OK so here is my story...

The wife is dumping me because I went to strip bars 2-4 times a year for a few years (and a few years ago I might add...) She considers it adultery, fornicatuion, and prostitution???

Anyway, she can think how she likes. We've been together 13 years and have a 12 year old daughter. It has really been bad lately though. We are only in the beginning stages, but she is violent. I'm tired of her hitting me and daring me to strike back so she can send ME to jail...

I won't report her because it's not a man thing to do, besides, I'm not going to send my daughter's mommy to jail...

She actually threatened to kill me tonight.

It really makes the whole car project seem pointless. She is the one who insisted I do it.

She even went and spent all the money we had for bills and groceries on an apartment she agreed not to get for 2 more months. I know that my actions are the trigger for all this, but man this has got to stop for my daughter's sake. There just don't seem to be any options that are not harsh. Anyway.

If you're married and can be happy, do what it takes to stay that way, obviously, I didn't...

    Advertisement
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 06:41 AM
NAIRB's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: cimarron, ks
Posts: 1,658
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Hang in there man, and keep your chin up regardless of what happens to your marriage. Do not let this take you down emotionally. Get away from the situation for a bit, and focus your thoughts on something positive. A rocky marriage is a battle, and a mental game that will wear you out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 06:52 AM
BT74's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Salem,NH
Age: 58
Posts: 113
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Sorry to hear it. Not having her arrested isn't "manly" my friend. Someone male or female that is getting that violent is a danger to themselves AND the people around them. Divorcing over a few trips to titty bars is pretty extreme behavior. I have a bro-in-law that has had his wife locked up twice.....and now she is undergoing anger management and has stopped drinking too. A thyroid condition causes her to go bananas over stupid little things,add a few beers and things get bad. Your wife's behavior sounds pretty bizzare and should be addressed.JMHO
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 08:45 AM
Gearhead forever's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Elora, Ontario, Canada
Age: 46
Posts: 458
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Whoa...sorry about your situation. If things can't be resolved (counseling??) then you should likely bail out before things get worse. You are doing the right thing by not hitting her back, but the violent acts toward you in front of your daughter should not be tolerated at all. I believe that marriage is for life, but it takes two committed people to make it work. Sometimes you have to cut your losses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 09:18 AM
HemmiGremmie's Avatar  

Last journal entry: 52 truck
Last photo:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Chillicothe Ohio
Age: 47
Posts: 1,406
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 3
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Hope it works out.
I visit some establishments myself at times. Some will say bad, some will say good. Only you can decide whats best for you and your family. You gotta live sometimes though. HG
__________________
I was built with the body of a God! To bad it was buddah.

[url]http://www.hotrodders.com/forum/journal.php?action=view&journalid=2415[/url]

Hemmies rat journal below.

[url]http://www.hotrodders.com/forum/journal.php?s=f6d0e9c7fec644bb0a70761c0431939b&journalid=84231&action=view[/url]
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 12:05 PM
jonathanks's Avatar
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Age: 44
Posts: 22
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanks all.

I just didn't want to repeat the parent's games. There are so many marriages and children strewn about my parents that I could LEGALY marry people in my own psuedo-sibling pool. That's just wrong...

Thankfully she doesn't go off on me in front of the kid, I won't tolerate that. I just don't understand the irrationality and anger about this. She has become very religious in recent years (hey I'm a Christian too, but that ain't religion...) This disgust about me being with prostitutes (her definition of topless bar strippers..) is related to something other than me. I hope for her sake she figures it out.

I'm at the point where I have to take control of the finances because she is making decisions that will destroy my daughter's ability to have a home anywhere. I hate to do this. I'd do counciling if she would, but in past years she gets angry when they don't fix me.

Best I can hope for is to be as fair as I can with her in a settlement and do what is right for my daughter. There I will not release anything. As a parent much of my life is for her sake. Normally my wife feels that way too. Emotions not tempered with wisdom really are destructive...

Now if I could just borrow Dorothy's shoes...

"There's no place like home...:
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 01:02 PM
Kevin45's Avatar
Just one of the guys
 

Last journal entry: Garage Toys
Last photo:
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Urbana, Ohio
Age: 58
Posts: 3,058
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 1
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
All I can say is that sometimes people are not made for each other. or your daughters sake you better keep the peace in front of her. There are two sides to every story so I will not choose yours nor I doubt that we will hear hers. But it sounds to me like something went sour awhile back for you to visit nudie bars 4 times a year. Personally I don't see where they are something to visit. Don't get me wrong, I've been to them. You see one you seen 'em all. I'd rather sit around the garage with a few buddies and have a few brewskies. More enjoying. If it gets to the point in a marriage that it gets violent, it is time to get help thru counseling immediately or get out of it. The more that you are in a situation like that the worse it is on the child. And a child can see what you can't or what you think you are hiding. Good luck.

Kevin
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 02:28 PM
38 special's Avatar
Be the MIRACLE!
 

Last journal entry: Running boards (part DUEX)
Last photo:
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: midwest central Ohio
Posts: 366
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Sounds like someone should have spent more time with the little woman instead of the "UU" bar. You both have to want it, to make it work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 06:13 PM
Dutchman's Avatar
Old Salt
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Portsmouth, Virginia
Age: 56
Posts: 491
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Been there done that,

If you love her, support her and give her some time. She maybe going through some things, things that were hidden deep in the memories and wanting the worse reation from you.

Ensure you take care of you first and then your daughter. don't put yourself or your daughter in danger. Don't every speak ill of the wife - especially in hearing range of the daughter - could rack havic later.

I counseling is needed, it can always start with yourself. There are always two ways to look at the conflict. I am a typical male always thinking black and white with no grey material in between.

Remember, people have a way of attacking and hurting the ones they love the most. Hang in there.

Dutch
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 07:39 PM
Cruiseomatic's Avatar
Heart Breaker and Life Taker
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In a Ford engine bay
Age: 26
Posts: 174
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Could it be you two need to spend time apart from each other? take the kid to grandparents and you two ( how do I put this...) Split for a while. You know,take a break from each other. Talk about your issues when you return. stop goin to (.)(.) bars. Thats what internet is for. It may work out with time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 09:57 PM
jonathanks's Avatar
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Age: 44
Posts: 22
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Our Relationship has always been rough. We met in the Navy in Japan (both active duty, had to go 10,000 miles to find a Mexican wife...)

I'm no saint. I knew that she would not approve and did it anyway, just to see something. (I don't drink but there is more to life than that too...) And I agree, it isn't that exciting, just made me go home more frustrated cuz it still wasn't there.

I worked a lot, always, seldom do less than an 80 hr week, still don't. Spent almost all the remaining time with her and the little one, but it's not enough.

I am doing counciling and really making an attempt to see women as more than beautiful creatures... Should have seen that before. It is getting easier now that my daughter is getting older. Age has a way of working on some things, albeit a bit too late for the marriage.

I've not done the bar thing in a couple of years.
Hardest part is that now, unless I'm looking at the ground, I am probably wrong. She will be moving out soon, I hope that there will be some healing for her. Never wanted to be a bad thing in her life...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 10:01 PM
Ghetto Jet's Avatar
current hot rod: CTS-V
 

Last journal entry: Lets Get Started With the Improvements
Last photo:
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Pennsylvania
Age: 28
Posts: 1,728
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 10
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
If your wife is all over you now for going to the clubs years ago, I'd say you might have picked a crazy one to marry. You not turning her in is the manly thing to do, but having her arrested for assault and threating to kill you will really help you out if you get divorced and your in court. The court systems naturally give the mother the benefit of the doubt, the prior arrests will make her appear to be an unfit mother and could be a deciding factor in who gets custody. I'm sure you don't give us every detail, but I would say you should file for divorce, your still young(33 i think), get out while you can. You only live once, you might as well live happily. Oh and don't put any more money into your hot rod, you'll probably end up having to pay her half of what its worth if you want to keep it.

Good Luck

Mike
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 10:07 PM
lowROLLERchevy's Avatar
... & Insanity Ensues .....
 
Last wiki edit: The FREE T Bucket plans Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Western NY
Age: 35
Posts: 937
Wiki Edits: 22

Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
as far as im concerned ..... watching UU's jiggle just makes thge beer go down easier....my god, its not like us guys are buying a sloot off the corner. I can understand women calling us dogs for goin to a strip bar, but when a woman becomes enraged over it, its usualy a sign of something else being wrong. My own family has proven this to me, my entire mothers side of the family (blood family) is nuckin futs.
if its realy heading towards seperation / divorce ..... sell everything off to friends for safe keeping and then get as much of her irational behavior on audio and video tape as possible .... if she scrathes, bites, kicks, throws things, breaks items ..... get EVERYTHING on film ... domestic abuse works both ways. just because shes the "weaker sex" doesnt mean shes not the one causing everything .............then have her mentaly examined ..... she might simply be out of chemical balance for some reason .... and the tapes could be enough evidence to have her fully checked out ..... both mind and body. and if it does end in divorce, at least youll get your daughter. .....

you sound like your not at all the violent type, and just from what youvee said, it seams pretty apparent that your daughter shouldnt be exposed to your wifes irrationality at any time .....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 10:18 PM
jonathanks's Avatar
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Age: 44
Posts: 22
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
All this stuff has gone through my mind, and I've even been advised that, by my pastor even...

But I will honor her as much as I can anyway, and will notr destroy her. Thats the easy way out, but not honorable. I've brought enough dishonor into the house anyway. For now we are agreed on absolute split time, split custody.

NM is one of the few states where the woman is not the default custody grantee. I just want to do what is best for her, my daughter, and if there is anything left for me fine, even if it means she takes the cart that's been in the family for 30 years.

Stuff is stuff. God knows what needs to be worked out.

You are all pretty much right though. There have been significant sex related issues here as long as I've known her. I hope she finds a peace with it someday.

She views the topless dancers as exactly the same as the poor wretches that are on the corners. I still don't see it that way. But I'm just a man...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2004, 10:21 PM
FASTCHEVY's Avatar
RatRod B4 RatRods were Cool
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Dallas Texas
Age: 32
Posts: 800
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Dr Phill would know what to do!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Recent Hotrodders' Lounge posts with photos

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:52 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.