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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2007, 10:10 PM
Lonestar's Avatar
"May the Schwartz be with you"
 
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I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
Dan Quayle

I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future.
Dan Quayle

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
Dan Quayle

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
Dan Quayle

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.
Dan Quayle

The future will be better tomorrow.
Dan Quayle

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
Dan Quayle

We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
Dan Quayle

We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.
Dan Quayle

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
Dan Quayle

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
Dan Quayle

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.
Dan Quayle

[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
Dan Quayle

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
Dan Quayle, 11/30/88

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Dan Quayle, 12/6/89

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
Dan Quayle, 5/22/89

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year.
Dan Quayle, 8/18/92

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
Dan Quayle, 9/18/90

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
Dan Quayle, 9/21/88

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
Dan Quayle, 9/22/90

For NASA, space is still a high priority.
Dan Quayle, 9/5/90

Public speaking is very easy.
Dan Quayle, to reporters in 10/88

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
Dan Quayle, to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2007, 11:16 PM
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"We're making progress in Iraq" G.W.

"I didn't inhale" Bill Clinton
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2007, 11:57 PM
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And he did not have sexual relations with that woman.


hahahahahahaha
eatin aint cheatin, eh Bill?

My dad sent me an email that is full of stuff that will fit here today. What good timing. (how does he know.... )It sounds like a Steven Wright routine...

here goes, ( I was laughing at most all of them.)
================================================== ==============================

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't l ike a box of chocolates . it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

+================================================= =========================

later, mikey
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 01:10 AM
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"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."--Albert Einstein

"The one pervading evil of democracy is the tyranny of the majority."--John E. E. Dahlberg (Lord Acton)

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."--George Bernard Shaw
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 01:35 AM
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"Just think, if Mohammed had woken up in his dungheap after dreaming about women, he'd have written "My Secret Life" instead of the Queeran and we wouldn't have had all these problems for the last 7 or 8 centuries, would we?"
Madelyn Albright, Secretary of State, Clinton Administration.
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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 06:32 AM
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I enjoyed the pearls of wisdom from our two modern day philosophers, GW and
Dan Quayle.

Just imagine the contribution these two would have made to society if they had stayed out of Politics.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 07:15 AM
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Some of mine were from that fabled sage Anonymous.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid.

Profanity is the sound of a weak mind attempting to appear important.

Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. - Murphy's Laws of Combat

All of the really great men are dead, and I don't feel so good myself. - Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Shoot low boys! They're riding Shetland Ponies! - Lewis Grizzard
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 07:54 AM
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"May the Schwartz be with you"
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by powerrodsmike
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
This would be kind of like standing on one side of a room then walking halfway to the other side, then halfway again, and again, etc...

You will never actually reach the other side...so as far as death you would just get closer to it, and closer, and closer but never actually reach it.

I'll bet you wish you did though...
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 08:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonestar
This would be kind of like standing on one side of a room then walking halfway to the other side, then halfway again, and again, etc...

You will never actually reach the other side...so as far as death you would just get closer to it, and closer, and closer but never actually reach it.

I'll bet you wish you did though...

Like Hank Sr said, you'll never get out of this world alive.

Another favorite of mine, and in no way relating to Lonestar's post...

"Common sense just isn't that common anymore"

Mikey
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 09:20 AM
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"If everything else fails, read the directions" Anon.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 10:15 AM
Lonestar's Avatar
"May the Schwartz be with you"
 
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There was a sign in the maintenance dept. at a place I used to work that said:

"If buttholes were llike airplanes, this place would be an airport".

I always liked that one.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 11:06 AM
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Poor planning on your part does not create an automatic emergency on my part.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irelands child
"If everything else fails, read the directions" Anon.

Anyone gotten anything from Air Ride tech lately?

Here is the envelope they send the instructions in.



I laughed like hell when I opened the box.

Mikey
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my signature lines...not really directed at anyone in particular..

BE different....ACT normal.

No one is completely useless..They can always be used as a bad example
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 11:34 AM
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When I retired, I received pension forms from the Government which said "If you are blind and can't read these forms, please call this number".
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 03-21-2007, 12:04 PM
Lonestar's Avatar
"May the Schwartz be with you"
 
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I believe it was Steven Wright who said:

"Since hot air rises wouldn't Heaven be hotter than Hell?"
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