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Old 05-02-2013, 10:10 PM
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Friendship Advice/Opinions

I really dont mean to be super personal but I need advice on a friendship related matter. I need experienced been through this advice...my friends have none as theyve either never been in love or are still with the woman so no help there. My dad wont open up to me about certain things so here I am asking you guys.

I lost the only woman Ive been in love with years ago. Weve talked a few times since then but she has kept distance due to her current relationship. I was told a couple of hours ago that her and I will not be able to even speak to each other due to jealousy reasoning from her man. Its like the day she left me all over again and Im not able to think of anything but the conversation. It bothers me on so many levels I dont know how to take any of it really. He has no clue what he has and just doesnt care period but I have always loved and cared for her and its such bull**** that he is doing this and that she is allowing this out of fear. To this day there has been no closure between us and I know she cares and loves me as much as I do her but its all denied for what? Has rhis ever haplened to you? Any advice on anything involving it. She is a wonderful woman and dont want to lose the last thing I was clinging onto with her.

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Old 05-02-2013, 11:37 PM
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My advice, move on, plain and simple, there is nothing there for you. Harsh, but reality, move on. First off, she is with another guy, honestly you had no business even contacting her if you had any thought what so ever of being with her. I have a few old girl friends that I keep in touch with, but there is not a chance in hell I have ever thought for a second of being "with them" again. They are friends, PERIOD, very good friends who shared a wonderful time of my life with me. That is it, done deal.

If the guy is a control freak, there is nothing you can do about it, she is under his spell. If the guy isn't but is just a poor bugger trying to keep his woman away from you because he is afraid he is going to lose her, then he deserves a break.

She is with him and not you for a reason, it may not be sound, you may be a better guy, but she is with him and not you. Move on, move on.

You asked, there you go, sorry. Like a question about how to paint a fender, there are opinions that range all over the place, this is my opinion, nothing more.

Brian
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:10 AM
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I appreciate the feedback and thats all I keep telling myself but its hard. Hes a total nutball weirdo beyond control freak. He has done nothing but been abusive to her in every aspect with alot of cheating on her but she stays out of fear. She told me he would literally kill her if he found out that we were talking. Ok its extremely hard, ive been in countless relationships since and am currently in one but I would give it all up for her. She is the only woman that helped ....helped me work on the autosnot just sit there and talk or the waittress thing. Which are cool but getting down in there and helping out is beyond awesome and so sexy lol. I screwed the whole thing when we were together because I wouldnt stop being in certain illegal things involving autos and I was late to come home one night from visiting with a female friend which hurt it alot but nothing happened I was with her I didnt want another woman which is also weird shes the only woman ive felt that with and I started smoking so she left me...I helped her move out and everything and we made a promise that twenty years we would try again its half way now. I was emotionally destroyed for a year and didnt start dating again for 4 years. Its just hard to do this all over again and for a reason that shouldnt exist at all. How would one move on in a quicker rate and for good? I have yet to meet a woman that comes close to bringing happiness as she did. This would be easier if I was able to drink. Its really the cloud blocking my thoughts for concentration on other things thats making me feel the worst. Its times like these I just want to drive far away by myself just drive away from it all.
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:30 AM
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move on.. it ended for a reason.. let it go..
wishing to be friends after being more than friends 99% doesn't work..
because one side want it back to more than..
move on.. be happy.. you'll find another..
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itsjusti View Post
I appreciate the feedback and thats all I keep telling myself but its hard. Hes a total nutball weirdo beyond control freak. He has done nothing but been abusive to her in every aspect with alot of cheating on her but she stays out of fear. She told me he would literally kill her if he found out that we were talking. Ok its extremely hard, ive been in countless relationships since and am currently in one but I would give it all up for her. She is the only woman that helped ....helped me work on the autosnot just sit there and talk or the waittress thing. Which are cool but getting down in there and helping out is beyond awesome and so sexy lol. I screwed the whole thing when we were together because I wouldnt stop being in certain illegal things involving autos and I was late to come home one night from visiting with a female friend which hurt it alot but nothing happened I was with her I didnt want another woman which is also weird shes the only woman ive felt that with and I started smoking so she left me...I helped her move out and everything and we made a promise that twenty years we would try again its half way now. I was emotionally destroyed for a year and didnt start dating again for 4 years. Its just hard to do this all over again and for a reason that shouldnt exist at all. How would one move on in a quicker rate and for good? I have yet to meet a woman that comes close to bringing happiness as she did. This would be easier if I was able to drink. Its really the cloud blocking my thoughts for concentration on other things thats making me feel the worst. Its times like these I just want to drive far away by myself just drive away from it all.
This is all way to heavy for me to comprehend, you need a professional to help you work thru this.

Brian
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Old 05-03-2013, 02:24 PM
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Theres some heavy weather in your soul my friend; and you need to talk to a specialist when it comes to that. There is NO shame in talking to a pro; we wouldnt think twice about asking a carb guru about our holley, or a trans god about our Muncie...but when WE need a tune up; a lot of people cringe.

Your situation with her, isn't so much about HER as it is an outlet for the other things you need to 'tune up'.
You need to move on, you need to accept its over, wish her the best, even if the guy is a nutbag, she deserves HER brand of happiness. That being said, your other stuff is really tying you up in knots and you've gotta get through that. When you do, you'll feel more secure, and you'll be able to let go and be at peace and positive about yourself and your situation.
Id suggest either talking to your general practicioner for a recommendation OR if your local college has a PhD level Psychology department, they'll be able to point you in the right direction if cost is an issue (Their PhD candidates have to have a certain amount of 'on the job training. Its shadowed by a board certified Psych and its very cost effective).

This is not too-broke-to-fix; but you need to get the specialization your situation needs before we do more harm than good trying to help.
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Old 05-03-2013, 04:48 PM
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I agree with moving on period its just a huge hurdle. I turned my life around and started over after losing her for myself but it carried that bonus of being with her again. Even though there was that last thread it was something and now its not there. Its basically losing someone or something that you have loved for so long with knowledge of never having them or it in your life ever again. I know theres nothing I can do to be with her im just sad.

I was wondering if this happened to any of you guys and what you did to get past that thought cloud looming around storming on concentration. Its just a kick to the nuts per say and overtook me for a bit....alot of disbelief in it actually happening. I appreciate the advice and thoughts though its exactly what I was looking for to get my mind going on the right track per say.
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Old 05-03-2013, 05:25 PM
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jump in your hotrod and look for a new one . you will find her if you look, as they just don't show up on the front door like a puppy or kitten. check out a dating site and find your new hotrod hottie.
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Old 05-03-2013, 05:27 PM
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If she does show up on a the front door like a kitten, DO NOT open the door!

Brian
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Old 05-03-2013, 05:38 PM
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By the way, nothing like this has ever happened to me so I couldn't possibly give you any insight. The only woman who ever left me went on to marry 4 more times and it didn't take me more than about six months or so to TOTALLY get over her. I dated a few women, things didn't feel right and I moved on. One day I met a wonderful woman who walked into my life and been with her 25 years now.

It did hit me after being alone that it was MUCH better to be alone than to have troubles with a woman like I did.

Brian
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:22 PM
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The fact that you are asking means that you actually do KNOW what you gotta do.
It's hard to do it, but you are not going to get any support for any other viewpoints
I've been there, done that in the past, too. Likely we ALL have to some degree. Its a part of life that is almost inescapable.

You WILL get over it, you WILL find yourself saying "thankfully I did not.... "

Good luck and I hope you turn out to be as lucky as I was when a lady caused my life to crash 37 years ago. Then I found the lady that was silly enough to marry me, 35 years ago. If things had not gone sideways with the first one, I would not have found my wife.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave57210 View Post
The fact that you are asking means that you actually do KNOW what you gotta do.
It's hard to do it, but you are not going to get any support for any other viewpoints
I've been there, done that in the past, too. Likely we ALL have to some degree. Its a part of life that is almost inescapable.

You WILL get over it, you WILL find yourself saying "thankfully I did not.... "

Good luck and I hope you turn out to be as lucky as I was when a lady caused my life to crash 37 years ago. Then I found the lady that was silly enough to marry me, 35 years ago. If things had not gone sideways with the first one, I would not have found my wife.

I feel exactly the same way with my life. So true, so true.

Brian
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:47 PM
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So how would one know when they found another? I mean one that is worthy enough to be a wife and mother material? I havent been in love with another woman since. Ive loved others and currently love a woman but not in love with her. She lacks in certain areas and it bothers me so once again a run a comparison against her and the one this thread is about.
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:05 PM
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Well- this may not work for everyone, but she must be not only your love, but also your best friend.

If she is NOT your best friend, she's not the right one!

If it is all love and pink and flossy and glossy and you are all floating around and can't think of anyone (or anything) else but her and she is your entire world - then you have given another person 100% of the power to make you happy, to make you miserable, to make you a success or to make you a grovelling, crying failure.

Is she is your best friend, then you and she will together create happiness and will create a life that is shared by the two of you.

If she is jealous (or if you are jealous) of other friends, past lovers or anything else, then someone is too insecure to be responsible for being that important to another person.

Even after you become "a couple", you will still each have your own lives, careers, friends, hobbies, and pleasures. Obsessing will only lead to heartache for BOTH of you
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:18 PM
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Theres thousands of split tails out there, some good ,some great, and some Fantastic, the fantastic ones are fewer in number,, BUT thats where the fun part comes in,, trying each and everyone of them to come to a final decision on which one is the best, is what its all about,,,
Not exactly what you were expecting for a saluation for that broked heart is it?
but the searching for a new one is a way to heal a broken heart,,
and finding advice for your problem on a hot rod forum, is about as far as you can go ,because most here are in love with their hot rods and NOT some damn split Tail,, Get over it dude,, move on,,,

what ever makes the dingy float, would be a good place to start
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