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Old 09-02-2002, 01:40 PM
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Post A funny thing happened on the way home from work

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One litre of raw power, 3cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock,alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000
pounds of Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise...I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccinoblast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip.

I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the
competition.Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curbfeelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.
The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle.

As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split
with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...Then the light turned...I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimetre back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire...my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining,and I heard the roar of his four
cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7extra liters of motor stretched its legs.

I kept my foot gamely in it,though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust...may be even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul!
The old lady passing us on the cross walk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily,he left his foot in it, revving, and I
heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles
per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five footcircle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, when eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6"chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed,I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the
left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear
wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels,up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the
Festiva...The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets...Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Honda.

[ September 02, 2002: Message edited by: matty ]</p>

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Old 09-02-2002, 02:34 PM
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that was pretty funny...

i like the "sound of seven screaming cylinders"

JB
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Old 09-02-2002, 02:51 PM
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god help you when your better half finds out!!! <img src="graemlins/evil.gif" border="0" alt="[evil]" /> <img src="graemlins/nono.gif" border="0" alt="[nono]" />
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Old 09-02-2002, 02:58 PM
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Not to give it away, but its a joke boys, that one has seen some milage.
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Old 09-02-2002, 06:19 PM
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Good thing I was wearing my depends undergarments.

You might want to beware of a certain refrigerator white Jetta diesel prowling the streets, it can be identified by the triple baby seat mounts in the back window. 60 throbbing horsepower and a top speed of 75 MPH, performance mod includes K@N filter. Be afraid, very afraid.
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Old 09-02-2002, 06:21 PM
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Don't be knockin those TDI's. I know of one in Maine that does alright for itself. As you are prob well aware, disesl and turbo go well together
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Old 09-02-2002, 06:55 PM
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The fun that can be had with TDI VW's. As some of you may or may not be aware, propane injected into a diesel motor has the same effect that juice has in a gas powered motor. You can have a lot of fun with a small 1.6-&gt;1.9L diesel motor and a 10lb tank of propane. You can't go 200 but you can turn heads and be different. One heck of a sleeper, good way to make a few bucks if need be. As an added bonus in this state of pollution controlled cars, diesels are exempt from emissions regulation in most states including Calif. This makes them a nice opition for people with some talent and a good set of balls. Lets not forget alchool, it don't take much for a gas powered motor to be converted to run on certain types of alchool. Fuel pump, injectors, and a few other relatively minor parts. Alchool has a high octane rating, which makes it VERY atractive for those with turbochargers as it helps them run high boost with out the fear of detontion. There are many ricers out there in the world, but once in a while you get some crazy bastard who enjoys the challange and thrill of small displacement compacts. It was said a while ago but I never forgot it. The orginal hotrodders took cars not ment to go fast and made them go fast. I almost thought about maybe building an alchool motor for one of my cars, but I would need to loook into fuel supply, and I couldn't drive it everyday. Cruises would be a lot of fun though.
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Old 09-02-2002, 08:40 PM
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that story was posted on <a href="http://www.j-body.org" target="_blank">www.j-body.org</a> for a long time. haven't seen it for a while but its as funny as ever.
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Old 09-02-2002, 09:30 PM
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Matty, I have owned two of these cars over the years and I am a convert, 60 MPG is awefully addicting when diesel fuel is cheaper than gas. One of those new TDI's is at the top of my wish list for daily family transportation, it's hard to top filling up every two months after daily use. I have to remind myself to look at the fuel gauge. The cars are built like brick outhouses and have none of the twitchy handling like the Japanese cars do either, if you have ever driven German cars before you know what I mean. These cars were meant to be driven on the highway.
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Old 09-02-2002, 11:02 PM
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On the way to work in my Mazda b2200 the other day I blew the doors off a Yugo...well maybe it was parked on the side of the road and the doors has fallen off....oh, never mind
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Old 09-03-2002, 03:02 AM
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Matty just looked at those graemlins i laughed my head off!
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Old 09-03-2002, 03:15 AM
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4 Jaw, a very good friend of mine runs a highpo vw/audi tuner shop, I have raced/tunned/beat dubs for a long time now. They are awesome cars as far as I am concerned. I have an 84 bunny sitting in my yard right now awaiting a new motor. I am thinking boosted diesel, or maybe an alchool motor. I am going to look into both seriously. I love rods, but there is just something about small displacement motors doing things they weren't ment to do that gets under my skin.

[ September 03, 2002: Message edited by: matty ]</p>
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Old 09-03-2002, 06:28 AM
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I knew it was a joke, you're to young to be married!
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Old 09-03-2002, 09:34 AM
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How do you know my age. HOLY ****!!! THAT WAS YOU OUT MY WINDOW LAST LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!

I'm 23 that is old enough, but you need to me a woman that can will ride shotgun in one of my cars with me first. Whe I do that, I'll marry her.
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Old 09-03-2002, 11:04 AM
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Never underestimate a Madd mind gone. I leave no left turn unstoned!
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