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Old 10-22-2005, 01:20 PM
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Funny things heard at work.

Today at work I heard the funniest thing about a guy that's just a little off plumb. This guy is nice enough to work with, but he's always asking how to do the same things over and over. One of the other guys said he'd be a prime candidate for an upper management job. He's hollow and numb from the neck up. I just about fell over laughing. In dealing with this guy, laughter truly is the only way to stay sane. I wouldn't have laughed at all, but this guy has tested my nerves for the last 8 months. He still forgets how to package a window. Last week he stapled the cardboard directly into the cladding on $2500 bay window, and then proceded to ask why the foreman was so mad... Gee, I wonder. I hate to judge people too hard, but 2 guys have already left the line because they just couldn't stand working with him. And, he's working directly beside me with an 1 1/2" air staple gun. Ever been hit by a staple that long at 2 feet away? Stings a little. Twice I've been hit. Some people.


In a while, Chet.

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Old 10-22-2005, 06:28 PM
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The boss told me once, in front of a few of the office ladies, to "Tie up all the loose hose in the shop." I thought his head was gonna explode when he realized what he said.

Larry
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Old 10-22-2005, 07:08 PM
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One of my co-workers piped up at a senior staff meeting and said, "I only have one thing to discuss that is actually two things."

At the next meeting, our computer tech said that "all of the network issues we are having can be blamed on three letters: I. R. M. D." ---that's the computer division.

Lastly, one person asked, "since our government issued cellular phones have free weekend minutes, could I let my wife use it on Saturdays?"
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Old 10-23-2005, 04:28 PM
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Its always something with the new guys at my job.
I don't know how many times the manager will send one of our new employees that are kinda "slow" on an errand. Well this is in a resturant and we have a steamer to cook some food. The manager will tell the new guy that were almost out of steam and will buy the new guy lunch if he will go and get a "pan" of steam! I don't know how many times they come back saying that some other resturant is waiting for the truck to come in or that they just give them a gallon of hot water.
Also since were talking about funny things at work, If any of you have seen the movie "Waiting" that just came out. You have no earthly idea how true that movie is!!


Brad
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Old 10-23-2005, 04:42 PM
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Once in a while, we send the new guys over to the next department for screen tape or tell them to take a piece of cracked glass out to get it buffed out. Remember, I work in a window and door factory. We told one guy to close the windows that were being assembled on our tables during a tornado drill. He actually did it.

In a while, Chet.
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Old 10-23-2005, 05:39 PM
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The firm I drive for has union shops from OKC on north and non-union shops below.

I work for a non-union shop and a co-worker who wants the extra bucks the union pays has been trying to get our shop to go union and was chatting me up about the switch.

I asked him, "How long 'til you're vested ?".

He responded, "Ummmm, I don't think this union wears vests."
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Old 10-24-2005, 02:50 PM
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Our resident genius had a good one today. Him and another co-worker were cussing about how "little" they each get. I told them that I only get it on the 33rd of every month. Genius looks at me with a straight face and say's "You must not get any in February."

Duh! I just asked him if he ever heard of leap year.



In a while, Chet.
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Old 10-25-2005, 06:28 AM
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My dad was one of those guys you didn't want to send the new guy to...

He was a head mechanic on several union construction and pipeline jobs. Had this aluminum work helmet with "Dilligaf" crudely painted on it (this is not his name, its an acronym). One of my favorites is a new guy on the job asked him what to do, so he gets him a shovel and tells him to start digging over there. He'll tell him when to stop. Guys starts digging... Foreman comes over asking why are you digging a hole? New guy says "Dilligaf told me to.." Foreman looks at my dad and shakes his head, then explains a few things to new guy..

Best witnessed one, A guy I worked with used to have this spiel when you asked him to do something extra.

Look over shoulder at empty shelf, "I'm sorry we're all out of givaf***s. See that shelf its where we used to keep them. I don't expect we'll be getting anymore soon either. Seems they stopped making them."

And a personal one. I used to work in a call center as one of the higher level techs. About once a week a supervisor (non-technical) would come up asking why there where so many calls in Queue. Stock answers follow:

"I'd say we have a lot of PO'd people and not enough people to answer the phones."

"Your staffing issues are not my problem."

"Personally, I blame management."

After I moved to another position I got an IM from my old manager asking if I could call another call center and see what was up with their, Queue. My response was first to remind him he had the wrong Jim, then to tell him "No". It was very gratifying to have that final response after leaving that position.
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Old 10-25-2005, 12:26 PM
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One of my underlings just asked me about lunch time. I told him a half an hour.

"a half hour or 30 min. boss?"

Apparently he never learned to tell time. I still haven't seem him.
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Old 10-25-2005, 03:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johnsongrass1
One of my underlings just asked me about lunch time. I told him a half an hour.

"a half hour or 30 min. boss?"

Apparently he never learned to tell time. I still haven't seem him.


As Bill Engval says "You know on a bottle of shampoo, it say's rinse, lather, repeat? There's probably some idiot in the shower because it doesn't say dry your hair, try it again tomorrow, man."


In a while, Chet.
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Old 10-26-2005, 06:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johnsongrass1
One of my underlings just asked me about lunch time. I told him a half an hour.

"a half hour or 30 min. boss?"

Apparently he never learned to tell time. I still haven't seem him.

Doc here,

OR like the young apprentice Crane operator...

Engineer: "I said Boom Clockwise"...

Young Operator: Looks at his digital watch and is REALLY, REALLY confused...

Doc
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Old 10-26-2005, 06:42 AM
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or Jeff, or Doc, or...
 

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Ok,
REAL LIFE STUPIDITY- Witnessed it myself.
My carpenters were slow, so I had them in the office painting, replacing bulbs and such. (Apparently we had one fixture with a bad ballast.) One guy (John) the newbie to replace the bulbs. He attacked the bad ballasted light first. He replaces the bulbs, and the light still doesn't work. John asks him if he put the "LEft" bulb in the lef socket, and the right bulb in the right socket. The newbie starts pulling the bulbs out. John comes to my office in tears, laughing so hard, and tells me. I thought he was kidding,so I walked out to the outer offices to witness this mental feat.
The newbie was standing there looking at the fixture from the ground, saying he switched the LEFT and RIGHT bulbs. I asked him if he identifie them or just switched the, because you have LEFT INNER and LEFT OUTER, RIGHT INNER and RIGHT OUTER bulbs. And that you could interchange a Left Inner and a right Outer. After about 1/2 hour, he came to my office and told me he couldn't find anything to identify them. John was painting in my office, just about crying from laughing. I told him the markings go away the first time the power goes on, and he would have to use new bulbs. John couldn't stand it anymore and broke down laughing. The newbie looks at him and realized he had been HAD. Turns red, and storms out to break apart some pallets...

Three days later: Jim (another carpenter) brings in a new circular saw. Newbie asks to use it to cut a few pieces of sheeting. Jim tells him he has to grease it first, and not get grease all over. 20 minutes later , he asks John "where the grease goes". John tells him he "has been taking it dry".
Newbie knew he was had again.

100% the absolute truth. Newbie is a college graduate.
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Old 10-26-2005, 05:30 PM
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Stupid is as stupid does...

Doc here again,

About a million years ago, right after high school, I worked as a Bench Tech at a TV repair shop (Tells ya how long ago that was..do they even fix em anymore?..cheaper to buy a new one)

Anyway, We had a Field tech that wasn't exactly the sharpest crayon in the box...always called in with basic questions..I felt like the Shell answer man..

One day he calls in with some lame question about no picture, raster only...What would cause this and what section to look at...

Tired of his Bravo ~ Sierra...I said "Must be the line voltage is low (mentally seeing the line cast into rich waters.. )

His question: "How do I check the line voltage?"

This was soooo basic, I thought OK, tag your it....

My Reply: Take the phone, get REAL close to the picture tube..Got that?

"Yes"

NOW look REAL carefully at the screen..Do you see the lines going across the screen?"

"Yes"

"Now Count them..There should be 525 of them..."

"Call me back with the answer"

About 2 hours later this Fraudulent use of oxygen calls back...I keep losing count around 380...is that close enough?

I finally tell him..pack it up and tell the customer someone (with a brain) will call in the AM to repair the set..Ohhh, and by the way..guess what, today is payday!...your last one...pick up your check.

Doc
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Old 10-26-2005, 08:38 PM
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I work at a shipyard and every now and then we get a particularly cocky, or just plain dumb, new hire and we'll have them go get a bucket of steam for the steam turbines.


it's fun to have them go to the tool room for a left handed crescent wrench too...
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Old 10-26-2005, 08:59 PM
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My Father-in-law in retired Navy. He say's they used to send guys out for dehydrated water. My personal favorite is a horn that doesn't work. All it needs is a can of Beep.


In a while, Chet.
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