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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-26-2003, 02:51 AM
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Talking I couldn't find any good soddom jokes.......

Your a Red-Neck Rodder if....
You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
You have a hefty bag for a passenger-side window.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that's mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
People hear your car long before they see it.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course - from your car.
MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her *** .
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.
All of your four letter words have two syllables.
Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You have grease under your toenails.
The directions to your house say "Turn off the paved road."
When packing for vacation, your biggest decision is whether to use paper or plastic.
You have trouble with people parking under your truck.
You've ever driven across a pond.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
Your high school annual is now a mug-shot book for the police.
You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug-zapper entertainment.
You've ever parked a car in a tree.
You consider old car parts nailed to a wall "Modern Art."
The new part you purchased for your car cost more than your wife's wedding ring.
You've ever requested a handicapped plackard because you can't walk and chew bubblegum at the same time.
You've ever sold moonshine as a dual purpose gas additive.
You consider Ford blue, John Deere green, and primer grey as the three primary colors.
The only tools in your car are a pair of pliars, a large flat-tipped screwdriver, and a hammer.
Smog warnings are issued by the local news stations when you drive into town.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
You consider it a crime that "Dukes of Hazard" never won an Emmy.
You can name over 100 different uses for Bondo. 200 if you include chicken wire.
You don't know the meaning of the word "fear." In fact, you can't even spell it.
A good game of "chicken" involves real chickens and a car.
Fish & Game has to keep telling you not to use your car to fish and hunt.
You're not worried about the price of gas because you "brew" your own.
Your jumper cables are really an old appliance power cord.
The Salvation Army has asked you to stop making donations.
Your car has ever caught fire and you failed to notice.
You think weather-stipping is a form of nude sun-bathing.
You think a "catalytic-converter" is some sort of eye-operation.
You have a line of credit at the pull-apart yard.
All of your cars are named after Civil-War heroes from south of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Your state legislature has ever specifically named you in a piece of legislation.
When informed of your death, your reletives won't need to ask how it happened.
You owe money on more than one vehicle that doesn't run.
You consider being able to identify road-kill as a useful skill.
Grass won't grow in your yard because that's where you park your car.
It's easier to burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your sister is the best mechanic in the county.
Your mother does wear Army boots… the ones you gave her last Christmas.

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Old 03-26-2003, 04:40 AM
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dang ya got me yeah I am a long hair redneck but I am dang proud of it................LOL
I the words of Charlie Daniels what this world needs is more rednecks
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Old 03-26-2003, 06:39 AM
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THIS is strictly in fun, no offence to ANYONE
An Iraqi in Canada is feeling really sick, and he goes to 3 different Canadian doctors who can find nothing wrong. He then goes to an Iraqi doctor. The doctor gives him a bucket and tells him to go into another room and poop in it and than pee on top of the poop. Next he tells him to stick his head in the bucket and breath in and out for 10 minutes, which the Iraqi does. He comes out and tells the doctor he feels great and asks what the problem was. The Iraqi doctor replies " you were homesick"
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Old 03-26-2003, 06:47 AM
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good one Dollybud..........
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Old 03-26-2003, 07:13 AM
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Hey! I have asked for ammo for Christmas! I need to go find a mirror and check my neck out.....
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Old 03-27-2003, 08:25 AM
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david allen coe said it best- this long hair can't cover up my redneck.
I get ammo for christmas. and didn't even ask for it.

Your car has ever caught fire and you failed to notice. x2 well i did notice. eventually.

You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug-zapper entertainment. you mean they don't do that everywhere?
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Old 03-27-2003, 03:25 PM
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most of the time the six pack is enough
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Foot to the floor,hair back,knuckles white.
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Old 03-27-2003, 11:50 PM
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you know this war on iraq is like screwin for verginity. Lets have war for peace.

I know it's been said before I jus thought I would bring it back out.
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old 03-28-2003, 12:39 AM
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here Dave. <img src="graemlins/pimp.gif" border="0" alt="[pimp]" />
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Old 03-28-2003, 01:47 AM
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okay okay it's like smoking dope in support of prohabitoin
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Old 03-28-2003, 11:42 AM
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10 reasons we need this war in iraq...

10.the marines are bored must kill something
9. we only chemical weapons to be used on dave letterman and gilbert godfred
8.need to spend our tax dollars on somethin de-constructive
7.to have one son be able to truthfully say i can do something better than my dad
6.just for the hell of it
5.make gas prices go down more than monica lewinski at the democratic convention
4.to give hippies something else to ****** about
3.make the world hate us more
2.to show those brits we can still whoop *****
1.to make the statement that if you so much as look at our flag,our country,in a bad manner you best look for when you lay down your head to expect a 21,000 pound bunker buster to be next to you not a hooker!

if this has offended any one well get over it!
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Old 03-28-2003, 11:52 AM
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[quote]Originally posted by 59 FORD:
<strong>5.make gas prices go down more than monica lewinski at the democratic convention

4.to give hippies something else to ****** about

1.to make the statement that if you so much as look at our flag,our country,in a bad manner you best look for when you lay down your head to expect a 21,000 pound bunker buster to be next to you not a hooker!</strong><hr></blockquote>

5. The gas prices will go down as a side effect of war. I'll say it again, if you don't like it, I fully expect you to walk every where you go.

4. Hippies and tree huggers suck.

1. So we were just looked at? When is it justifiable to go to war then? When the Iraqies are sitting in our living room with guns to our heads?

Read through some of the other threads. There are many vets here and other people who's parents were vets and others who have lost loved ones in battles. I'm not asking you to support the war, but you should support the troops while they are there.
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Old 03-28-2003, 11:29 PM
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ok.
so a man named wang chow moves to america. he buys a house,2 story, houses his family upstairs, and opens up a chinese restaurant downstairs. its really great. wang chow grows his own vegetables in a garden in his back yard. his neighbor, a greek guy named dimitri, always goes out into his backyard on fridays to ask wang chow a question.
"wang chow, what day is it today?" dimitri says.
wang chow replies; "it's flyday"
dimitri laughs his hiney off.

this goes on for years. every friday,
"wang chow, what day is it today?"
wang chow replies; "it's flyday"
dimitri laughs his arse off all the way back inside his house.

well one day, wang chows' son is in town to visit and wang tells his son about the sob next door. well wang lo,(wang chow's son) decides to hire a speach therapist to help his father learn how to say friday. after many weeks of instruction, wang chow can finally pronounce the word friday, instead of flyday.
sooo the next friday rolls around and dimitri strolls out to his back yard and says;
"wang chow, what day is it today?"
wang chow replies;


ITS FRIDAY YOU GLEEK PLICK !!!!!
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Old 03-29-2003, 02:26 AM
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This is probably old and a few of you guys have probably alreay heard it but anyway,

Why isn't there a Wal-Mart in Iraq?


There's a TARGET on every corner!!!!!!

I know pretty corny, I thought it was funny.
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Old 03-31-2003, 04:24 PM
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o.k. I finally have your Saddom joke. Why is Saddom like Fred Flintstone? Because when he looks out the window all he sees is Ruble.
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