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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2004, 02:42 AM
Grumpy
 
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Joke time!

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out is mobile phone and callls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"


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Old 07-30-2004, 02:56 AM
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haha
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Old 07-30-2004, 04:38 AM
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Its funny how things come full circle.... I heard that when I was at school.

Tlill raises a smile though
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Old 07-30-2004, 10:28 AM
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HAHAHAHAHA

I like that one
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Old 07-30-2004, 10:51 AM
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you have probably heard this one before but then again maybe not,,

A man was laying in the hospital, not doing well at all,, he had tubes stuck in him everywhere, oxygen mask, over his mouth, just laying there,, one of the duty nurses felt kinda sorry for him and decided to give him a cool bath, while doing this , she heard him ask if his testicles were black??? but not wanting to get involved in checking ,,, she just ignored him,, soon she heard him say again, are my testicles black??? so thinking something serious might be bothering him she told him she would check,, she raised the sheet that was covering him and looked things over , then tucked everything back into place and covered him back up, then told him "" Sir ,,, your testicles are NOT black, so you don't need to wory about that,, the man reached up and removed his oxygen mask from his mouth and said "" No! NO! you misunderstood me,, I said Are my test results back???
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Old 07-30-2004, 11:40 AM
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A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

and another

A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?" The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!" The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right."
Then he asked "Who is God's son?" Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct."
Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?" The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!" The priest smiled and said, "That's right


Bill, thats too funny, you beat me

Last edited by 53LEDSLED; 07-30-2004 at 11:51 AM.
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Old 07-30-2004, 02:27 PM
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hey 53ledsled

Did you ever find somebody to cut your glass? Just curious is all. I've got a pro-street 53 Chevy.


Tazz


Rat Rods Rule!
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Old 07-30-2004, 02:52 PM
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There are some really good jokes on here. Good work guys.
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Old 07-30-2004, 03:07 PM
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ok i got a urban joke so keep with me

why did the blonde bang the mexican

why u ask

because her english teacher told her to do a eassy
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Old 07-30-2004, 03:23 PM
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TM454, the top is from a 67 impala, im gona have to have a custom glass made. 1000$ can i see some pics
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Old 07-30-2004, 07:34 PM
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another old one

a young man woke up one morning and went into the bathroom , while doing his morning bathroom ritual,, he noticed that his tally whacker was yellow,, Oh-my- god !! what the hell has happened ?? what did I get into,,? so he goes to the dr,, the dr. told him to drop his drawers, but when the dr, see's his yellow whacker, he is kinda confused at what he see's,, the dr, tells him that he has never seen anything like this before and really don't know what might be wrong with him,, have you had any changes in your daily life lately?? maybe you are under some kind of stress, the young man replys,, Well Not really Doc,, I did loose my job a few days ago ,, but that really don't bother me cause I had planned on looking for another one anyway, so the Doc asks him what he does every day,, he replys,, not much Doc,, I sleep untill about noon every day , then I get up ,set around and eat cheetos and watch porno movies,
ONE MORE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
a couple was having some marrage problems, and the wife was very frigid, and wasn't giving him any sex,, and made him feel like everything was his fault, so he went to a Dr. for some help, the Dr. told him that it was normal for the wife to make him feel guilty, that that was the way women were,and that there were several million men in the world that had the same problem, so him and a couple of other dr's have came up with a experamental drug that might help, and that they were looking for men like him in his situation to try out this new drug,, and if he was interested ,, that he might want to try some of this new drug,, of Course he says I'll try anything at this point, so the doc gives him 3 white pills, and tells him to give 1 to your wife around dinner time , in her coffee or what ever she might be drinking,, then about 1 hour before bedtime ,, give her the 2nd one, then right at bed time ,, give her the 3rd one,, and then call the doc tomorrow and let him know how everything went,,<<<<<<<<<<, so he called the Doc the next day and said,,,, you know doc ,, I think I screwed up when I gave her the pills,, how's that the doc asks?? well I knew that I wouldn't be able to spread out the doses so I gave her all 3 in her coffee at the start of the meal,,, and about half way through, she jumped up and told the kids to scoot back from the table and knocked all the dishes off the table and broke them and she was so horney that we had to do it right there on the table,,, it was great,,

Well good says the Doc,,,but that doesn't help us with our experament,,, we need to have the doses spaced out like I told you,,, So you need to come back in and get some more pills and we will cut you a check for the dishes that were broke,,, this is a experament you know,,, OK he says,, I'll come back in and get some more pills ,,, but don't worry about the dishes,,, we probably won't eat in that resturant again anyway,,,

Last edited by Bill Parten; 07-30-2004 at 07:34 PM.
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Old 07-30-2004, 08:09 PM
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How do we know that Adam wasn't black?




Have you ever tried to take a rib from a black guy?
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Old 07-31-2004, 08:57 AM
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A hunter goes out grizzly hunting in the British Columbia mountains. As he's sitting crouched behind a tree waiting for a bear to come by, he feels a tap on his shoulder...behind him stands a growling 8 ft grizzly bear.

The bear angrily says; "So, another freakin hunter out to kill more of my kin hey!"

Hunter says; "No no no, you got it all wrong Mr. Bear...I'm hunting for duck."

The Bear says: "Nice try dummy, I can read the signs...duck season has been over for a month now...I know what your doing here don't you lie to me, I'm gonna teach you a lesson so you never hunt bear again!"

The bear grabs the hunter and bends the hunter over and gives him a bear meat enema he will never forget. The hunter wakes up 3 hours later at the base of the tree, guns gone, pants around his ankles and he can barely walk. He crawls back to his truck vowing revenge.

The next year the hunter buys some all new camo and a .460 Weatherby with night scope and laser sights. He hangs his clothes outside for three weeks to get rid of the "people smell" and bathes in a hot pine needle bath to cover his scent, he buys his license and heads out to the mountain to get that bear...and make him pay.

He sets up in a tree stand at the top of the mountain puts his rifle up against the tree and pulls out his binoculars to get a look when he feels a tap on his shoulder, he turns around...it's the bear...and he looks really pissed.

The bear says; "You must be stupid or just a sucker for punishment! I think I should make an example out of you and tear off your head and hang you from this tree for the Ranger to find you...what do you think about that!"

The hunter says; "Please Mr. Bear I promise Iíll never hunt bears again if you let me live...I swear I'll never do it again...pleeeeaaase let me live!"

The bears says; " I think you would say anything to save your life but I'm feelin pretty festive today, I'm gonna let you live...but to teach you a lesson...bend over...I'm gonna give you some BC bear lovin like you never had before...or will ever have again! The hunter eyes the size of the bear appendage and unbuckles his pants, grabs his ankles and closes his eyes. His screams are heard at the Ranger station 5 miles away.

The hunter wakes up at the hospital, tubes coming out his nose, machines beeping and wheezing...his family is standing at his bedside.

He says to his wife; "Where am I?"

The Hunters wife says; "Honey, thank God your alive...we didn't think you were going to make it. The Rangers looked for you for two weeks and were getting ready to give up when one day a bear dragged your body out of the bush and dropped you right in the hospital emergency parking lot. It was a miracle, we are just thankful that bear saved your life after you fell out of the tree stand and impaled yourself on that tree limb.

The Hunter says; "Tree limb?"

The Hunters wife says; "Yeah, you must have been stuck on a tree limb somewhere in the bush when the bear found you and dragged you here. The doctors figured it must have been a tree limb judging from the damage...and amount of bark they found inside your colon."

The Hunter groans; "I can't feel my legs!"

Hunters wife says; "The doctors say that you should be able to walk again with some intensive rehabilitation, were just glad your alive...thank god for that bear.

9 months go by and the hunter slowly learns to walk again, he struggles with every step but the burning desire to kill that bear drives his determination...the doctors are amazed with his progress and release him home early. When he isn't walking around the block improving his gait, he's at the local firing range improving his shot. In two months the hunter wins two quickdraw shooting championships...he's ready. With the cash from the championships and a settlement from his insurance company he outfits himself in the latest weaponry and body armor...explosive tipped rounds fill the chambers and a Mach 10 is in his boot. He buys his license and heads out to the mountain to hunt his bear.

A couple of hours later two bears are sitting on the mountain looking down when a pick up truck pulls up at the base of the mountain and a hunter gets out...one bear says to the other;

"Hey Dave? Isn't that the hunter we partied with last year?"

Dave says; "Yeah sure looks like him, I can't believe he's back?!"

Other bear says; "Why does he keep coming here?

Dave says; "I don't know but obviously he doesn't come here for the hunting!"

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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2004, 11:11 AM
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Whats the difference between Bat Man and a black man?






Bat Man can go into a store without Robin.
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Old 07-31-2004, 03:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ghetto Jet
Whats the difference between Bat Man and a black man?






Bat Man can go into a store without Robin.
I dont get it?!? The black man needs a white man to go into the store?!?

Ya lost me.
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