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Old 07-18-2007, 08:35 PM
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Learn to speak "hot rod"

Alright, I figured that if this had been posted anywhere, it would have been posted here, but I did a search and didn't find anything. Here's something I think you guys would enjoy:

Parlez-Vous Hot Rod?
(from Iowahawk Blog)

So you want to be a hot rodder. You're ready to amass parts, and tools, and second mortgages, and... whoa there, young feller! Sure, all these things are important, but as any veteran hot rodder will tell you, the first step in becoming a hot rodder is learning that crazy hot rodder lingo so you don't come off like a total dorkwad when talking to other hot rodders. To help you along the way, here's a handy glossary. Study, memorize, and avoid painful beatings from your new hot rod friends!

A-Bone: Model A Ford; also, a-gift for a-dog

Bored: Frequent complaint of wife/girlfriend at car show

Blower: Lawn maintenance device, frequently used by hot rodders trying to earn extra money to pay for expensive supercharger

Channel: What to change if 'American Hot Rod' comes on

Dago axle: short for "San Diego axle," heat-bent in order to lower a car. Note: avoid using around hot rodders of Italian descent. E.g., "Nice Dago axle, you greasy wop."

Deuce: Hot rod slang for 1932 Ford. Also, bathroom slang for "number two."

Flathead: Common garage injury caused by $3.95 Harbor Freight jackstands

Four-Banger: Technique used by wife/girlfriend to lure you out of garage

Frenching: Prelude to a four-banger. Example: "He frenched her headlights."

Gasser:Exhaust fumes from a Burrito Supreme. Example: "Don't blame me, that was Willy's Gasser."

Hiboy: Car show greeting used by female admiring your *****in' hot rod

Jigglers: What you admire about this female

Jugs: see "Jigglers"

Juicers: see "Jugs"

Lowboy: You, after wife/girfriend brains you with tire iron for admiring those juicy jiggler jugs

Mill: What car show crowd does while wife/girlfriend continues thrashing you with tire iron

Nerf: What you wish your wife/girlfriend's tire iron was made out of

Ported: Opposite of imported

Quick Change: What your underwear needs after seeing the price tag on the swap meet Halibrand

Rat Rod: car carefully assembled using traditional 1950s techniques such as tack welds, carpentry nails, hot glue, zip ties, velcro, smeared feces, and midnight demolition derbys at the Pick N Pull. Also, what non-hot rodders will call your car. Examples: "Is that a rat rod?" and "Cool rat rod!"

Relieved: How Willy felt after getting rid of that gasser

Section: What wife/girlfriend will do to you if she sees all those parts receipts

Shoebox: Where to hide parts receipts from wife/girlfriend

Split Wishbones: Method for deciding who pays the check at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles

Stroke: What wife/girlfriend has after finding your parts receipt shoebox

Suicide perch: probably a good option if wife/girlfriend find the receipts

Three pot: three carburetor intake; also, deluxe Tennessee outhouse

Toploader: Manual transmission with shift rails located on top. Also refers to a toilet. Examples: "He dropped a toploader into the deuce." Or, "He dropped a deuce into the toploader."

Tuck and Roll: Emergency safety procedure after igniting you hair with acetylene torch

X Member: Guy who can't pay his car club dues

Z'ing: Sleeping. Example: "after she found his parts receipts, he ended up z'ing in the back seat of his rat rod.

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