M.S. requested joke thread - Page 2 - Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2002, 02:38 PM
hotrodit's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: U.K.
Posts: 92
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Talking

Jesus is on the cross & he's calling Mathew Mathew,

way back in the crowd is Mathew & he hears Jesus calling so he proceeds to fight his way through the crowd,

Jesus looking into the crowd still calling Mathew Mathew,

Mathew fighting his way through comes face to face with the guards, telling them he has to get to his master he's calling for me...the guards refuse & chop off both his legs,

Jesus still calling Mathew Mathew,

Mathew tries to pull himself through the guards to his master so the guards chop off both arms,

Jesus still calling Mathew Mathew,

Mathew is now wriggling through so the guards finally realise he has to get to his master & let him through, Mathew wriggles up to the cross & calls to his master.... Jesus looks down & says ah Mathew.......i can see your house from up here!

    Advertisement
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2002, 05:28 PM
HotRodF100's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pennsylvania
Age: 55
Posts: 62
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Talking

Did you hear about the joint venture between Coke and Viagra? They are going to make a combination product called "Mount & do"!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2002, 06:01 PM
Great '48 Bow Tie
Guest
 
Post

It was a slow day in heaven so Gabriel asked peter to watch the pearly gates for him while he took a break. Peter no sooner sat down to read a book when up to the Great Pearly gates walked Bill and Hillary. Peter was supprised to see them, and was not sure as to what disposition he should take, he said to them to wait there and he would be right back. Peter ran as fast as he could go right up to the throne and said as he was gasping for breath, Jesus! Jesus you wont believe who just came to the Gate. Who? Jesus asked. Bill and Hillary Clinton, what do I do with them? asked Peter. Jesus said, invite them in. Peter ran back to Jesus again panting and out of breath, Jesus! Jesus! THEY are not there! Bill and Hillary are not there Jesus asked. No peter replied the pearly gates are not there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2002, 07:01 PM
helrazr3's Avatar
im on a highway to hell
 

Last journal entry: new wheels and seats
Last photo:
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: billerica, mass
Age: 50
Posts: 689
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Talking

ok heres a puzzle, i walked into a local bar one day and over the bar was a sign, the signhad the letters"iitywybmad. does anyone know what it stands for? i will post the answer later good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2002, 10:45 PM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 61
Posts: 2,711
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 104
Thanked 111 Times in 77 Posts
Post

saw that in an elks lodge once, helrazr. the last part is something like " will you buy me a drink.
here's one my sis sent me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his Mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Leroy, of course, thought he did. Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted Leroy to reflect on his behavior over the last year

"Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

* LETTER 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a
bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Leroy
Leroy knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy,. So, he tore up the letter and started again


* LETTER 2
Dear God,
This is your friend, Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend,
Leroy
Leroy knew that this wasn't true, either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

* LETTER 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK"! boy this year. I still would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Leroy
Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Leroy wrote another letter.

* LETTER 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Leroy
Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not
going to get him a bike.
By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told
his Mom that he wanted to go to church.
Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked as Leroy looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner,"
Leroy's mother told him. Leroy walked down the street to the church on
the corner. Little Leroy went into the church and up to the altar. He
looked around to see if anyone was there. Leroy bent down and
picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and
ran out of the church, down the street into the house, and
up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of
paper and a pen. Leroy began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 5
God,
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed, You Know Who
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-19-2002, 11:09 PM
Halloweenking's Avatar
Fantastically cannibalistic!
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Spooksville
Posts: 1,353
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Post

I REAAAAALLY liked that one!

HK
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 07-21-2002, 12:46 PM
FASTFORD's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 469
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 29 Times in 18 Posts
Post

2 blondes walking along, 1 says,look at that! she picks up a compact from the sidewalk,opens it and says-hey,this girl looks familar.the other blonde says-let me see that-takes it ,looks at it and says-well it should dummy! its me!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 07-21-2002, 02:15 PM
hotrodit's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: U.K.
Posts: 92
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Talking

Young lad turns 18 so his father decides its time he had a woman,
so he gives his son $10 & sends him to the local brothel,
he walks into the brothel ask's if he can get some action & the lady says how much money do you have son, he replies only $10 but its my first time & thats all the money i have!
the lady says ok son go to the end of the hall then take the last door & have yourself a good tme,
so the young lad proceeds to do his thing & starts to kiss.... but the mouth & nose is really wet, well he carries on regardless & when he's done goes back to the lady at reception,
she ask's well did you have a good time son,
he says yeah it was really good but was a bit wet around the mouth & nose!
with that the lady shouts down the hallway
"HARRY NUMBER 10 IS FULL UP"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 07-21-2002, 05:20 PM
helrazr3's Avatar
im on a highway to hell
 

Last journal entry: new wheels and seats
Last photo:
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: billerica, mass
Age: 50
Posts: 689
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Smile

if i tell you will you buy me a drink?????
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 07-21-2002, 08:50 PM
axle bastard's Avatar
you're killin me buck!
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: erie PA
Age: 39
Posts: 162
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Post

2 eggs and a strip of bacon walk into a bar. bartender says " hey, we don't serve breakfast!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 07-21-2002, 11:13 PM
dinger's Avatar
Hotrodders.com Moderator
 
Last wiki edit: Health and safety in the shop or garage
Last journal entry: 36 Ford painting
Last photo:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Visalia, Ca.
Age: 61
Posts: 2,711
Wiki Edits: 1

Thanks: 104
Thanked 111 Times in 77 Posts
Post

ahhh, corny bar jokes, i love em.
a dog limps into a bar, shouts out "i'm looking for the man that shot my paw!
a horse walks int a bar, the bartender asks him "why the long face?"
__________________
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2002, 05:14 AM
Madd Syntst's Avatar
Returning American Maddman
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Boynton Beach, Fl
Age: 61
Posts: 444
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Post

A man sits next to a drunk at the bar, orders a drink and opens a small box. The man admires the watch he took out of the box, look at the drunk and says,"Look at this watch, I got it for my wife"

The drunk answers,"Damn good trade, buddy"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2002, 09:28 AM
Madd Syntst's Avatar
Returning American Maddman
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Boynton Beach, Fl
Age: 61
Posts: 444
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Post

Drunk walks out of the bathroom with his privates exposed. A nicer patron stops him and whispers, "Do you know your zipper's down and your tally wackers hanging out.

Drunk answers,"Know it! Hell I wrote it. If you know the words, I'll whistle along

(Somebody needs to stop me)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2002, 09:45 AM
hotrodit's Avatar
Member
 
Last photo:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: U.K.
Posts: 92
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Talking

pakistani man on his death bed;
"Sinita, my wife are you here?"

"Yes i am she replies"

"My son,my daughter are you here?"

" Yes we're here Papa"

"Then who the **** is looking after the shop!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2002, 09:57 AM
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: plano tx
Posts: 13
Wiki Edits: 0

Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Post

sarita is hindi for little river
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.