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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 10:42 PM
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NO! Don't stop! STOP BAD! jokes good! long live jokedness.... more funnys... need more funnys!

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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 10:44 PM
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Whats green & turns red at the flick of a button?

Kermit in a blender!!
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 10:48 PM
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knock knock
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 10:53 PM
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Quictcher damn knockin its 3am! Just kidding

Whos there?

HK
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  #50 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 10:57 PM
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Quictcher damn knockin its 3am! Just kidding

Whos there?

HK
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  #51 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 11:06 PM
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uhhh... ohh.... i really don't know any knock knock jokes, i was hoping someone else would jump in with one of thier great knock knock jokes... but i admire the acknowledgement of the knocking...
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  #52 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 11:20 PM
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I am tired. too tired to make jokes... can't.... go... on.... *deep sigh* *passes out on keyboard*
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  #53 (permalink)  
Old 07-23-2002, 11:30 PM
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whatever you do DON'T DROOL! I did one night and woke up with half of my face dark blue and veiny. Turns out my little bit of drool put a slight draw on the computer and throughut the night electrocuited my face a smidgen, about cooked me to death, my left eye is still messed up, damn things a comunist spy trying to kill me i know it!

HK
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  #54 (permalink)  
Old 07-24-2002, 07:44 AM
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An older widow and widower chose to get married. As the date drew near, they went out to eat and finalized plans. The spoke on who's house they would live in, the car they would sell, which bank to keep, which child they would visit on what holiday. At the end of the conversation, the lady looked at the man and said," The only thing left is sex. What exactly do you feel is your sexual appetite?"
The man thought and answered, "Infrequently"
The lady thought for a moment and said, "That's two words, right?"

[ July 24, 2002: Message edited by: Madd Syntst ]</p>
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  #55 (permalink)  
Old 07-24-2002, 10:24 PM
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An old couple are lieing in bed one night when the man lets out a huge fart. "Touchdown, 7 points" The wife gives him a funny look, but then lets one go herself. "Touchdown, tied at 7 to 7" Then the man lets out another one, "ha, 14 to 7" The wife lets out a HUGE one and declares it tied again. The man doesn't think he has anything left but he strains and strains and then craps his pants. The wife asks "What was that?" The man replies, "Half time, now we switch sides"
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  #56 (permalink)  
Old 07-24-2002, 11:14 PM
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Little johnny walked in to his neighbors house one afternoon to play with the neighbors daughter Jenni. As Johnny was walking in jennis father said Hi. So Johnny stoped and said hi and talked to er father for a bit went up and saw Jenni and a moment later came back downstairs and walked out. Jennis father went up to see why little johnny left so soon. He walked into Jennis room and she was all excited and getting dressed up in her sunday dress. So Jennis father asked her why she was getting all dressed up, Jenni said Johnny just asked to marry me. So Jennis father just laughed a little and walked downstairs thinking it was humerous because they were only 5 years old. As Jennis father was walking down the stair he sees little johnny standing in the livingroom. As soon as he get downstair little johnny says "sir I've come to ask if I can marry your daughter" Jennis father laughed a little more but saw the seriousness of johnny's face and decided to go along with it. He says ok Johnny but let me ask you a few questions, little johnny says ok... Jennis father said whhhen you marry y daughter where will you live? Little Johnny says, we will live in jennis room, its bigger than mine is and she has a bigger bed than mine too. Jennis father says, alright, What will you do for money johnny? Little johnny says, well I get 5 dollers a week for allowance and jenni gets 10 and if we save it up thats $60 dollers a month and I think thats enough. Jennis father sits back in his chair suprised that Johnny thought all this out, he thinks and tries to find a question he knows little johnny won't have and answer for so he says " alright you've thought this out very well, but what are you going to do if Jenni gets pregnant?" Little johnny looks puzzled for a minute and says I don't know, but we've been lucky so far...

HK
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  #57 (permalink)  
Old 07-25-2002, 06:55 PM
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That silly Little Johnny... he is ALWAYS getting into some kind of trouble....
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  #58 (permalink)  
Old 07-29-2002, 06:51 PM
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I just can't let the jokes die off....

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Pennsylvania son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say to your buddy, "I wish that ******* would've tried that **** with me!"
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  #59 (permalink)  
Old 07-29-2002, 06:52 PM
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A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding.
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’ card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying sombich told you I was speeding, too.
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  #60 (permalink)  
Old 07-29-2002, 11:29 PM
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lol, i liked that one.
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