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  #106 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2003, 05:28 AM
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A man stops at a rest stop for relief. He sits inside a stall and a voice from the next stall asks, "So, how you doing today?"
Not really one to talk during a download, the man thinks and then just answers, "Fine, been driving a while and nthought I'd stop in"
The other voice askes, " So, do you think the day will continue to be nice as the morning"
Our traveler replies, "I hope so, I really like this weather to drive in"
Once again, "Me too, hey, do you mind if I come over there and see what you're doing and what you got?"
This sets our hero on edge. He waits a minute, and answers back, "Well, I really am finished here, so I don't think it's a good idea. maybe some other time."
One last responce from the hidden talker:
"Let me call you back, some ***** in the next stall keeps answering all the questions"

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  #107 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2003, 12:51 PM
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This one is kinda lame but I got a kick out of it.

A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals
and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems.
I did notice one anomaly, however."

"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"

"Well, you have no nipples."

"None of my people in my tribe have nipples, " she replied.

"That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind."

She said, "OK."

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"

She answered, "Approximately 500."

"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.

Running Doe replied................


The Indian Nippleless Five Hundred
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  #108 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2003, 01:20 PM
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WHAT IS IT WHEN YOU SEE BLONDE ,BRUNETT,BLONDE ,BRUNETT,BLONDE ,BRUNETT,BLONDE ,BRUNETT?


ITS A CHEERLEADER DOING A CART WHEEL!!!
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  #109 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2003, 01:31 PM
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A priest and a rabbi were waiting for the "c" train in the subway. The priest leaned over to the rabbi and asked him
"Just between us strangers, have you ever in your life, maybe just once, tried roast pork, pork chops, or even ribs?
The rabbbi gave a sheepish grin and answered, "Well, not to lie to a fellow clergy, yes, I did knowingly have pork one time."
A few minutes later, the rabbi asked the priest, "Tell me Father, have you ever once been intimate with a woman?
The priest lokked at the ground for a moment and replied low in tone, "To be truthful, Yes I did. There was a woman who moved me so and I did sleep with her"
The rabbi smiled and replied, "Was a lot better than pork, huh?"
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  #110 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2003, 06:36 PM
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A brunette, trying to torment her blond neighbor, " Ha, ha, I peeked in your bedroom window last night and saw you and your husband havin' sex."

"Liar," sneered the blonde. " I wasn't home last night!"
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  #111 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2003, 09:15 AM
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Nag nag nag

Nag, nag, nag

There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day
trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was
due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency
to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As
soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of
night do you call this? Where the heck have you been?" and so on. Too
shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured
himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot
soak -- pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks. While he was in the
bath the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told that her husband's
client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing what a
day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him
the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight
of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney
whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman . don't
you ever stop?"
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  #112 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2003, 09:48 AM
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lmao, Madd. I'll be sending this one off to buds. Dan
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  #113 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2003, 10:15 AM
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Sexual Activity Calorie Guide


It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results are in:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent..........................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.......................... ......8 Calories
With one hand............................ .....12 Calories
With your teeth.......................... ....485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......................... ......6 Calories
Without an erection...................... ...3315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.............. .......8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot................ ...4092 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary......................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real.................................... .....112 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........................................... .......18 Calories
Getting up immediately....................................... .......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately........,..816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years...................................124 Calories
50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
70 and over..............................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories

Results may vary
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  #114 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 03:12 AM
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Jokes aplenty here;www.anvari.org/fun/
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  #115 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 03:40 AM
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don't know if these are funny..

this joke is old so don't think I'm racist

A little colored boy is riding his bike, when he comes to a hill.
As he stops to catch his breath at the bottom of the hill a 57 caddie pulls up. The driver looks at the boy and seys, tie this rope to the front of your bike and the back of my bumper and I'll pull you up the hill. The little boy does so. As the caddie starts up the hill a 77 pinto pulls up beside him and motioned to race, the caddie driver forgot about the little boy and motioned back lets go. Up the hill they go. they pass a cop on the sitting on the side of the road. The cop gets on the radio to the dispatcher.
"I quit seys the cop" the dispatch quickly replies "why?"
"Because I just seen a pinto neck an neck with a caddie and a little colored boy on a bike coming up in the rear"
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  #116 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 09:45 AM
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Jaws of Life

A boy and his girlfriend were driving down a winding mountain road. The boy was always conservative and well-mannered. He never sped, and he kept himself free of heavy sexual situations until properly wed. His girlfriend, however, was the kinky type and just couldn't take the frustration anymore, so she made a deal with him.

Girl: "I'm tired of going slow. You're only doing 30 in a 35! Tell you what, if you speed up, I'll start taking off my clothes."

Boy: "Hun, you know how I feel about that kind of thing. Besides I'm doing darn near 33, that's well enough."

Girl: "Sorry, I just wanted to feel the wind blow for once."

Seeing the disappointment on his baby's face, the boy saw no harm in this. He figured that they couldn't do anything shameful while the car was moving so he decided to speed up a little.

She saw the speedometer hit 40 and she took off her blouse.
The boy liked what he saw and sped up just a little bit more. She had to take off her sealtbelt to loosen up her bra, and proceeded to slide off her skirt.

The boy was now getting excited having never seen his girl in just her panties, so he mashed the gas down and they were now going about 55. She smiled and pulled them down revealing a sight he had never seen before. But caught up in the excitement, he lost sight of the road. The car went out of control on a corner and hit an embankment sending the car into a roll. The girl was thrown, naked, through the windshield and landed 30 feet away from the car.

Battered and bruised the girl got to her feet screaming for her boyfriend who was now trapped in the car.

Boy: "I'm ok baby, just go get help cause I can't get out."

Girl: "Ok, but I'm naked. I need something to cover up with and I can't find any clothing around the wreckage."

Boy: "Here's my shoe, it's the only thing I can get to. HURRY!"

In a panic, the girl grabs the shoe and holds it over her crotch to cover up the necessary. Running down the road she finally finds a gas station and hurries to get the cashier.

Girl: "Help, Help, my boyfriend and I had an accident and he's stuck!!!"

Casher: (after seeing the shoe she was holding) "Honey, I don't think we're gonna be able to get him out if he's in that far."
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  #117 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 11:40 AM
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In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and
generic name.For example, the trade name for Tylenol also has a generic name, acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprufen.

The FDA has been looking for generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of experts, it recently announced that it had settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were, mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin,
mydixadud and of course, ibepokin.
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  #118 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 02:50 PM
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Here´s one for the men.
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  #119 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 02:52 PM
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And one for the ladies.
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  #120 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2003, 10:10 PM
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not a racist (but a redneck)

whats pink, purple, orange, red, and blue?

a black man going to church

why was michael jackson spotted at a k-mart?
he heard boys pants were half off

what's michael's favorite group?
new kids on the c*ck

what did the man on the beach say to micheal jackson?
get out of my son

who does micheal jackson consider a perfect 10?
two 5 year old boys

Last edited by akm; 10-01-2003 at 10:10 PM.
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