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Old 07-01-2007, 05:53 PM
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Mother has passed away

My mother has recently passed away. Mother was my best friend for almost 6 decades, always helped me with my hot rod projects, lived to be over 100 years old, died in my arms with no pain or suffering. Logically in my own mind it all happened as well as it could have, but emotionally it is the most pain I have ever had in my life. I have talked with family and friends, and tried to stay busy with a full time job, and projects around the house but the hurt is almost unbearable.

I was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with this and how they handled it? Any advise is appreciated.

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Old 07-01-2007, 06:13 PM
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Well I'm no expert for advice here but I'll give it a try. She's only gone physically, just outlived her body that's all. How great you were there for her and also that she was there to help you with hot rod projects. That's rare!
I lost my dad early, a close brother 4 years ago, 2 close cousins in one year and all I can say is, it just takes a little time. We miss the fact that they're not close at hand anymore...........But if you were quiet enough, I bet she would be sayin
"get busy with a hot rod project, it's what you love".
Hang in there mac, we feel for ya
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Old 07-01-2007, 07:16 PM
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My pop passed away at the end of last year at 91yrs young. he was hard to keep up with until the last 2-3months of his life & even towards the end his mind was still sharp at a tack. For the last 6-8 months of his life I was over at his house everyday to visit him & my mom, took him anywhere he wanted to go & always tried to get him to go with me whenever I went somewhere. One week before his 91st b-day he walked into the DMV & passed both his written & driving test, I have that same license along w/a pic of my son sitting on top of my computer so I can say "HI" to my pop & son every time I sit down.

Sadly he passed away last Oct 20th but he is w/me everyday. Do I miss him?? HELL yes, I think about him everyday, several times a day. We may not have seen eye to eye about everything & yes we did have our fights BUT that man meant a lot to me. Do I cry about him being gone??? YESSSSS, I'd be heartless if I didn't. Heck I'll even admit when I go to sleep I pray that he'll come in my dreams because I want to see him again even if it's in a dream.

How do I deal w/it??? Well it hard to say, I go through every emotion when I think about him from crying to smiling & everything in between. But I try to think of all the good times we had together from camping in southern Missouri as a kid to the road trips to visiting relatives in Iowa & Nebr, to helping him out when he went to churches to try & sell the bibles he sold as a living for over 30yrs, to the talks we had when I'd just visit them.

I'll tell you right now that every emotion will run through you mind when you think of her, BUT like my own father just remember all the history she has seen, all the stories she has told you & all the good times you have had w/her & you'll have a life time of GREAT MEMORIES to get you by....joe
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Old 07-01-2007, 07:47 PM
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I lost my dad the week of fathers day in 1999. It really didn't hit at first, but when it finally did, I kept myself going by thinking of the good times when he was here. He liked working on cars, but the timing was always against him. He bought a '65 Nova to fix up, but retired from the Air Force before it was finished and my mom talked him into selling it. He never had a chance to do one again, what with raising a family. He used to tinker and help me and my brother when we were experimenting with our cars. He would love that I am building a Hot Rod and always told me I could do it if I tried hard enough. I'm doing my T thinking of him.

I kinda know how you feel right now. Remember, she won't ever be really gone. She lives in you and you have to stay on a path that would make her proud.

Press on, brother. It sounds like that is what she would want you to do.
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Old 07-01-2007, 08:14 PM
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I lost my father 39 years ago to cancer when I was only 6 years old and my Grandparents were my foundation and mentors through my youth and I just lost them both of them over the last 10 years.

The pain does fade, and I've found the old saying "time heals all wounds" doesn't apply so much to the loss thru death - but whenever I get sad I try to think about the good times and double my efforts to live my life by their examples and teachings.

Just this week I lost a good friend of over 20 years to a boating accident in South Dakota and it's hit me harder than I expected ~ I was fortunate to have talked with him just a few weeks ago and we had planned to get together after their return from their vacation.

Although we can't live every day like it's our last - these events should make us stop and appreciate those who've passed on and especially those who are still here.

I'm not a religious person but I know in my heart this life on earth is not the end - just a part of the journey. Hang in there you will get through it.
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Old 07-01-2007, 08:23 PM
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I fear that after almost 2 years of fighting cancer, I am about to lose my dad.
I was informed that there is nothing else that can be done for him.
Neither my brother or I live very close to him, and that is making it all the more difficult to handle.
Altho, my brother, dad and I are not real talkers, and have never had the 'need' to update on every little thing in our lives. we are all still close to each other. We just don't see each other as often as we'd like.
My brother, mother, dad, & I are all in different states. It is a time like this, that makes me re-evaluate my choices of living so far from family.
I especially have concerns for dad's wife of over 20 yrs. She is an adopted only child with absolutely no family of her own. Her mom was an only child as well, that never married. (she is not the step-mom----she is now part of our family)
Knowing that there is nothing that can be done for Dad is very hard. Not knowing how to help Rayann after---is harder.

Bryan
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Old 07-01-2007, 10:24 PM
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I was told my dad has cancer two weeks ago. Not sure exactly the whole nature of it and its origin, believe somewhere in stomach area, he has not been real specific with what the doctors have told him. But he mentioned large tumor which is unoperatable and also his lungs. I am not ready to deal with this at all being he is still fairly young, and the thought of him being weak and in pain. Came as a real shock, as cancer hasn't really effected his side of the family, He will be 65 this year, but needless to say, he is done working now. We have had our share of arguements and disagreements at times, but always have been close. I was balling my eyes out last night, thinking about the possibility of losing my dad and what it would be like without him. He was there to bail me out all the time when I did a lot of stupid things when younger, lent me his car when my beaters would break down, take me car shopping at 16 to find my '74 chevelle, and take us camping or fishing, or throw a baseball around. Not a real car guy that knew a real lot about cars, but he did fix my brake lines (but didn't pump the brakes, so I found the mailbox, lol) when I was a teenager, and replaced the engine in our mazda 4 when mom ran it without oil. He loved his fords when he was younger, and had a few galaxies, a '69 mach 1, and an old cougar to name a few. One story I remember him tell how he won a bet with the neighbor who was an auto painter and later opened a shop, how Ford had a 352, and the neighbor was insistant that no, its was a 351.

I can understand your pain, losing a parent at any age has to be a real tough time. Take comfort in the fact that she lived a long life, died peacefully and you were there with her. It will take time for the pain to heal for sure, but your memorys of her, and sharing more about her and the lessons she taught you will help her live on. A lot of people seem to do something to honor someones memory after a loss. Breast cancer has really had a big impact on my moms side. Mom beat it, but lost a few aunts, one at 40 and my grandma before I was born, so I'd like to try to do something for breast cancer one day.
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Old 07-02-2007, 12:32 AM
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at the age of 12, i buried my 17yo brother in 1987. the pain was unbearable, but the lesson i learned was you have many days to live, but only a few to love. cherish those days of love. i have since moved away from where i laid my brother to rest, so i can not visit his grave every year like i used to. being so young, the loss was tragic for me, because just 2 weeks earlier, my brother and i had finally became "best friends."

i didnt know how to cope with the loss so i picked up a pen and grabbed a pad of paper to write my feelings down on paper. before that day in my life, i was never able to write anything of poetic nature, though my brother was a natural. as i began to put ink to paper, i found that my brothers gift was passed on to me. from that day on, i have penned over 3000 poems, and i still write to this very day.

my parents sent me to a shrink to aide in the loss of my brother, but the day the shrink said to me, verbatim, "your brother died because you never told him you loved him." was the day i quit going to see him as well as the day i quit believing in psychological help.

my most recent loss was the death of my best friend of 18 years, Scrawny, my cat. while it still brings tears to my eyes because i am without him, it makes me love and cherish my dog, Zipper, even more.

my advise for bereavement: keep your head up, cherish your memories, smile when you think of her. she is with you always.
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Old 07-02-2007, 03:52 AM
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i lost my father this past february and have been trying to cope with it ever since. throughout my teenage and college years, he and i had a hard time seeing eye to eye. as i got older, we had been trying to fix the rift that had grown between us. my mother was always the inbetweener; the one always making the peace for us when i was younger. sadly, he passed away before we could fix things completely. yes, it was all-of-a-sudden like that, so i'm thankful he wasnt in a great deal of pain. my only regret is that we couldnt completely fix things for us and actually be that "father & son" team i saw from some of my childhood friends. while my dad was never the "hotrodder", his constant tinkering on his beloved 73 ford courier was what inspired me to learn about cars. i can still remember the first time i gave him a ride in one of my cars... his knuckles turned white SO fast from grabbing the door handle and seat, and all i did was punch it a little in 2nd gear! i will always miss him.
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Old 07-02-2007, 06:42 AM
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On a sidenote
Years ago when an ex-girlfiend's mom passed, one of the granddaughters (5) was not taking it well at all.
I told her that 'Nana' is only away and will always be with her, in her heart.
Probably a good time for us all to be thinking the same.

Bryan
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:06 AM
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HotRodMan,

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Mom and Dad in 1979 and 1983 respectively. Not a day goes by that still I don't think of them. I wish I could tell you that the pain goes away-it doesn't, but it does fade somewhat-I'm actually glad about that, for then I don't forget.

We all have our time here, and as for us that remain, the best we can do is remember. It's the good times that I hope you'll remember, for those are the memories that endure.

Keep your chin up and love those that are with you-spend your time helping them to get through this and it will help-
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:16 AM
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You know, I lost my dad two years ago, we were very close, my mom a year before that one week from the date my dad died, both in December. My dad used to say something that seemed cliche, "Things change". He would say this all the time, I think he was kinda getting me ready for the time he was gone. Life changes, things change, from one decade to the next, life is sometime totally different. Different jobs, different homes, sometimes different wives. Babies come into this world, and some people will leave it. It is the plan, the great plan from God.

Your mom watched as her mom passed, and she grieved, but she went on. Go visit your grand parents graves. Look at the dates on them, think about when those dates where and how it effected your parents lives. I have been visiting my grand parents graves regularly since my parents died. They are in the same cemetary, I hardly ever saw them until my parents died, now I am there often. One day started really tuning into those dates. My moms dad died a month before I was born! Can you imagine how hard that was on my mom? My dads mom was only 62 when she passed away, I was only four and it was two days before Christmas, she was buried on Christmas eve! What hell my dad must have gone thru and then to live it every Christmas, but, things change. My mom and dad got thru it, and so will I was my thinking.

That thinking has done me well. I think of them often, I smile, I am doing things and seeing things that I know they would enjoy, and I smile.

Do the same, she will love it.

Brian
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:34 AM
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Sorry to hear about your loss. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Keep your chin up and never let go of those good memories you shared.
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:12 AM
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My dad's been gone for 9 years now.

I still hear him talking to me almost every day, and I see a lot of people who knew both of us who often comment about him.

It starts out a little awkward, but after a few months its a warm reminded of a close relationship.
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:56 AM
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sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad on Dec 21 99 he was very sick and my mom wanted me to come and see him before anything happened.
but he passed away on my way there.
i never got to tell him how much i cared and loved him.
i hit me pretty hard and it was a long time before the pain faded away.
but not completely.
but i still think about him all the time.
and how we did things when i was little.
i moved 3000 miles away from home when i was 19 and only saw him 5 or 6 times since then.
i now wish i had went back to see him more but its to late for that now.
so i try and see my mom and family at least once a year.
i bring my mom out here almost every year for a month or so.
im going to a family reunion at the end of this month.
you will always feel an empty spot in your heart from her passing but do like i do just try and think about all the good times you spent with him or in your case your mother.
i also found that talking about it helps.
so maybe this thread will help you too.
we all will go through this sooner or later and its very hard and harder for some then others but thats life and we must go on.
try not to think about her being gone think about the good times and all the things you and her did together.
i like to think my dad is watching over me all the time and i sometimes even talk to him hoping he is listening.
my condolences to you and your family and i hope you will have some great memory's of her.
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