|07-21-2016 08:23 PM|
He didn't like the casserole
and he didn't like my cake
he said my biscuits were too hard
not like his mother used to make
I didn't perk the coffee right
he didn't like the stew
I didn't mend his socks
the way his mother used to do
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I smacked the crap right out of him
like his mama used to do.
|07-20-2016 09:15 AM|
|07-17-2016 09:51 PM|
|7nomad8||Just remember, you're not paranoid if they really are out to get you.|
|07-17-2016 08:43 PM|
|TucsonJay||Conspiracies seem to be getting easier to believe lately! :-)~|
|07-17-2016 06:01 PM|
Access denied,lmao, it's a conspiracy I tell ya !!
|07-17-2016 05:27 PM|
Yeah, What if ? ? ?
|07-17-2016 01:28 PM|
Today I mowed the lawn.
What deep things retired men think about !!!
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then
would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various
topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting
kicked in the klackers?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting
kicked in the klackers, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some
more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the klackers is more painful than having a baby, and even though I
obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like
another kick in the klackers."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and, then maybe a nap.
|07-16-2016 07:10 PM|
NEVER SAY TO A COP
I can't reach my wallet unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must''ve been doing about 125 to catch up with me. Good job !
Are you Andy or Barney?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
I pay your salary !
Gee officer, that's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too.
Do you know why you pulled me over? OK, just so one of us knows.
I was just trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there are no cars around...
that's how far ahead of me they are.
When the officer says, "Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you
probably shouldn't respond with "Gee, Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have
you been eating doughnuts?
|07-16-2016 12:26 PM|
The right to carry a firearm....
Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!"
"Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible."
"His insurance was the big bonus. Iím comfortable now."
|07-16-2016 09:11 AM|
|7nomad8||Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.|
|07-16-2016 07:53 AM|
I HAVE said some of these at work... The others, I need to memorize, lol.
|07-16-2016 07:07 AM|
Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
|07-10-2016 03:39 PM|
My 6 yo granddaughter plays me like a card. When we have her for the day she drops the f bomb because she knows she can't use it at home. She knows I always turn away and laughs while the wife gets grumpy,lol.
|07-07-2016 01:48 PM|
|MisterT||The Screw Up Fairy was here... LOL I should dress up my six year old daughter as the screw-up fairy for halloween! Boy can she screw things up! LOL|
|07-03-2016 09:08 PM|
|7nomad8||ROFLMAO Great come back ! ! !|
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