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Topic Review (Newest First)
04-10-2017 10:11 PM
whinny Brilliant bb

Later gator
Russ
04-10-2017 06:59 PM
boothboy Yep!

BB
04-02-2017 10:15 AM
Irelands child
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
reminds me of a guy that hung 6 shop lights in his garage
only to knock 2 of them down when the garage door went up
Yep, measure twice cut once, or in my case hang it once, I found out after it rained fluorescent tube glass in my shop. The door cleared the fixture perfectly - but that extra 1/2" of that el cheapo shop light .........
04-02-2017 10:12 AM
boothboy
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
reminds me of a guy that hung 6 shop lights in his garage
only to knock 2 of them down when the garage door went up
Just when did that happen to you?

BB
04-02-2017 10:01 AM
ogre reminds me of a guy that hung 6 shop lights in his garage
only to knock 2 of them down when the garage door went up
04-01-2017 02:40 PM
FASTFORD
cleaning the garage

did a good job. called the wife & told her she could finally park in the garage..................

https://biggeekdad.com/2017/03/cleaning-out-the-garage/
03-31-2017 08:31 AM
boothboy Yep!

BB
03-25-2017 12:30 PM
Irelands child The joys of marriage:

Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband: Because I'm hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...go on.
Wife: All right, I'll do it.
Husband: What's the matter? You need a flashlight?
Wife: I can't find it in the dark.
Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: Yeah! that's good.
Wife: Right! Now go to sleep.
And the next time you want the bloody window open, do it yourself.
03-25-2017 12:28 PM
Irelands child Now the 'fake' news story of the day:

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."

The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC and CNN reported: "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
03-24-2017 08:59 AM
boothboy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irelands child View Post
Us elders recall the Burma Shave signs, you younkers - well enjoy.

For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, Here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's to the 1960's.Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads,
Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 or so feet apart, each contain 1 line of a 4 line couplet.....And the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream of the past.



DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave

TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave

My all time favorite

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave

HE SAW THE TRAIN
AND TRIED TO DUCK IT
HE KICKED THE GAS
AND THEN THE BUCKET !!
Burma Shave

A MAN A MISS,
A CAR A CURVE,
HE KISSED THE MISS,
AND MISSED THE CURVE,
Burma Shave
I remember them well. I dare say a lot of kids learned to read from those signs.We traveled a lot so I was able to see a bunch of them.

Here's a little diddy by Tom Waits about Burma Shave.

BB


03-24-2017 07:33 AM
Irelands child Us elders recall the Burma Shave signs, you younkers - well enjoy.

For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, Here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's to the 1960's.Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads,
Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 or so feet apart, each contain 1 line of a 4 line couplet.....And the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream of the past.



DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave

TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave

My all time favorite

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave

HE SAW THE TRAIN
AND TRIED TO DUCK IT
HE KICKED THE GAS
AND THEN THE BUCKET !!
Burma Shave

A MAN A MISS,
A CAR A CURVE,
HE KISSED THE MISS,
AND MISSED THE CURVE,
Burma Shave
03-22-2017 11:08 PM
Dave57210 There was a city boy that was sent by has father out to stay with an uncle on the farm who promptly assigned him to "grease the wagon". The boy eagerly grabbed a can of grease and headed for the wagon. Later he returned and proudly announced 'I got the whole wagon greased except where the wheels attach to the axles---that was too hard to get to..'
03-12-2017 09:00 PM
boothboy Lost another job.

BB
03-11-2017 02:36 PM
whinny I'm gunna use that,lol

Later gator
Russ
03-11-2017 02:32 PM
Dave57210 Everybody knows about Murphy's Law
Ever heard of Cole's Law? (its chopped-up cabbage)
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