|Today 07:58 AM|
|wretched ratchet||I've heard "IT" called lost of things but never a wicket|
|Yesterday 09:32 PM|
what is this wicket cricket keeper stuff???
|Yesterday 12:17 PM|
|wretched ratchet||Too funny Alan, Red is my HERO and I have tried to pattern my life from his experiences for many years now. Of course Tim Taylor runs a close second - - - ?Right Al?|
|Yesterday 11:00 AM|
|08-26-2015 01:35 AM|
I removed all my German friends from my cell phone today, my phone is now hans free !!
The first time I met my wife I knew she was a keeper, she had large gloves on! ( you might not get this, but wicket keepers in cricket wear large gloves)
Kim Kardashian is saddled with a large arse, but enough about Kanye!
|08-25-2015 08:36 PM|
Judge...."Do you accept that you stole the money from him?"
Defendant...."No Sir, he gave it to me"
Judge....."When did he give it to you?"
Defendant...."When I showed him the knife"
|08-25-2015 10:14 AM|
A lesson for all to remember: ‘good grammar’ MUST always be with us!!!!!
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his
wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man
living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure
for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder,
warned "This is a powerful medicine.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and
asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered,
shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to
join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3"!
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked:
"What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences
with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
|08-25-2015 06:01 AM|
There's an old Jewish man on his death bed, surrounded by his family, all ready to say farewell.
In his last moments, the old Jew takes something out of his pocket, calls his oldest son and says: "here I have a 1935 Rolex Oyster Perpetual Chronometer."
"I see it daddy", answers the son.
And then the old Jew continues, "This watch was with me during my whole life. It first belonged to my father's father, then to my father, and finally to me".
With tears in his eyes, his son replies, "It's a beautiful watch, daddy, and a beautiful story"
Finally, the old man asks "So, wanna buy it?"
|08-24-2015 05:17 PM|
One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently.
Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida.
Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time.
Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period.
He said, "Heck if I know but my sister said she missed hers and my mom screamed, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door killed himself.
|08-24-2015 04:40 PM|
While a man is wandering around the supermarket, he notices a stunningly beautiful blonde waving at him.
He's rather taken a back because he can't recall where he knows her from. So he says "Do you know me?"
"Yes, I think you are the father of one of my kids"
Now he thinks back to the only time he has been unfaithful to his wife and says "My God, are you the stripper at my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table with all my buddies cheering me on?"
"No, I am your son's math teacher"
|08-17-2015 07:05 AM|
|08-15-2015 06:10 PM|
In Church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you:
"Dear Lord: The last four or five years have been very tough.
You have taken my favorite actor - Paul Newman;
My favorite actresses - Lauren Bacall and Elizabeth Taylor;
My favorite singer - Andy Williams,
My favorite author -Tom Clancy,
And now my favorite comedians – Joan Rivers and Robin Williams.
I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton,
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, and I have a special place in my heart for Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
|08-13-2015 12:58 AM|
An oldie but still brings tears to my eyes.
|08-12-2015 06:11 PM|
|08-12-2015 10:10 AM|
An elderly Father is visiting his Son in prison and tells him that he's just not in good enuff shape to cultivate the garden and plant potatoes this year.
His son tells him not to bother that garden area because that's where he buried all those guns.
Having monitored the conversation, the next day the Law shows up and digs and digs the entire garden area but they find nothing.
The father goes back and tells his son that the Law dug up his garden but didn't find any guns.
His Son says, "I know Dad now go ahead and plant your taters, that's the best I could do from here!"
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