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Topic Review (Newest First)
Today 05:08 PM
FASTFORD
I just knew it !

Brains of elderly are slow because they know so much....
By Sarah Knapton, Science Correspondent

Older people do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall
facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe.
Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full up,
so too do humans take longer to access information, it has been suggested

Researchers say this slowing down it is not the same as cognitive decline.
The human brain works slower in old age,” said Dr. Michael Ramscar,
“but only because we have stored more information over time
“The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.”

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they
get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory
problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!! We Are All Brilliant!
08-30-2014 11:29 PM
malc A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid.. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.

"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
08-30-2014 09:37 AM
malc Call the proffesionals.



---------- Post added at 05:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:35 PM ----------

08-25-2014 08:30 AM
OLNOLAN
Lol

WWWIGS

Woop Woop Woop Coffee Going Through Me

08-25-2014 07:15 AM
wretched ratchet GGB = gotta getta beer
shortly after
GGP = gotta go pee
08-24-2014 11:20 PM
Dave57210
Seniors texting

Since it seems thre a few of us on here who are no longer "birthday deprived":

Here are some useful texting terms for us:

ATD - at the doctor's
BFF - best friends funeral
BTW - bring the wheelchair
CBM - covered by medicare
CUATSC - see you at the seniors centre
DWI - driving while incontinent
FWIW - Forgot where I was
GGPBL - Gotta go, pacemaker battery low
GHA - got heartburn again
HGBM - had good bowel movement
LMDO - laughing my dentures out
LOL - living on Lipitor
OMSG - oh my, sorry - gas
TOT - texting on toilet
WAITT - who am I talking to?
GGLKI - gotta go, laxative kicking in
08-19-2014 06:25 PM
wretched ratchet Take it? didn't Y'all invent it?
08-19-2014 03:13 PM
John long Just go ahead and pick on the good old boy from Tennessee. We can take it.

John
08-19-2014 02:50 PM
malc A North Carolina State Trooper pulled a car over on US 301 about 2 miles south of the Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus in Emporia. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my *** to jail, cause there ain't no way in hell I can pass that test.”
08-15-2014 06:10 PM
deadbodyman Two women, getting on in the years were sitting on the front porch rocking when Ida asked mary lou ,Mary ,you have a lot of boe's coming and going all the time,I only have have two and its so hard to keep track of thier names,how do you do it? Well,Mary lou said,Its ez ,I just name them all after soft drinks....For instance,take that young man that just left,I call him moutain dew because he was raised in the mountains and he's sweet as moutain dew in the morning...
But what about that guy you were with last week,said Ida....
Oh ,HIM, she said with a smile...I call him 7 up because he has 7" and its ALWAYS up.....
Blushing,Ida said thats wonderfull but what about that guy that that stays for a few days at a time?..... Oh him,Mary lou said, with a twinkle in her eyes ....I call him Jack Daniels.....
Ida said Mary lou ,Jack daniels isnt a soft drink ......THATS a HARD Liquor.......
Mary Lou said with that same twinkle in her eye .......
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.....
08-15-2014 10:02 AM
malc A sweet grandmother
telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said,
"I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,
"Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied,
"Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said,
"Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good
news."

The operator replied,
"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said,
"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me **** all."
08-15-2014 10:01 AM
malc Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'
08-08-2014 04:10 PM
rossco A guy phones the local hospital and yells, ‘You’ve gotta send help! My wife’s in labor!’
The nurse says, ‘Calm down. Is this her first child?’
He replies, ‘No! This is her husband!’
08-08-2014 04:07 PM
rossco A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.
He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.
One smart ***, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
08-08-2014 04:02 PM
rossco In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered
grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt… Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death
this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single
flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing.
She simply had to know!
She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
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