|Yesterday 09:09 PM|
|Yesterday 04:18 PM|
In 1962,I had a new Corvair Monza,I was in Colorado,on the western slope,heading to Denver,When I got to the bottom of Loveland Pass,There was a BIG sign,no cars past this point without chains,there was a line of cars going up the pass,but no cars coming down,SO,wise *** that I am.I pulled out into the left lane and proceeded to pass ALL of them,in the Front was a Colorado Highway Patrol car,leading them up the pass,going about MAYBE 10 MPH,I buzzed up to that patrol car,rolled doen my window and waved to the cops,I was doing about 40 MPH,in soft snow,Their radio couldn't work thru the mountain, so I didn't have to worry about a ticket,That Corvair was great in the snow..
|Yesterday 03:47 PM|
..... and a few more:
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown to
|Yesterday 01:48 PM|
|malc||You´re pushing it buddy.......|
|Yesterday 11:38 AM|
2 homacide detectives....
The 2 detectives go to a scene where Juan,was shot and killed,one detective told the other detective,that Juan,was killed by a GOLF GUN,The detective turned to his partner,and said, "Ive never heard of a golf gun" his buddy said" me neither,But it put a hole in Juan" GROAN.....
|05-22-2016 12:44 PM|
Project Car GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
|05-20-2016 01:10 PM|
|7nomad8||But I didn't say that!|
|05-20-2016 01:05 PM|
I have heard it said that the only reason there is"Kansas" (along with Oklahoma) is to bridge the gap between Texas and Nebraska and Colorado and Missouri and because those other states didn't want that stigma attached to their states.
And yes I have lived in Nebraska, Missouri, Colorado, and Texas but NEVER in Kansas or Oklahoma
|05-20-2016 09:03 AM|
To consider - there are more, but I can only ponder a few at a time
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
|05-18-2016 03:30 AM|
This is one funny clip, my fave from the show.
|05-15-2016 04:05 AM|
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,'Manicures, $20.00'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 cents.
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit...which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
|05-13-2016 07:21 AM|
She now takes out the trash and the neighbor kids aren't allowed to play on my lawn anymore.
|05-12-2016 08:36 PM|
Two elderly couples are walking along the street, the two women in front & the two men at the back.
One old fella says to the other “what did you do last night?”
“Oh” replies the other “we went to this wonderful restaurant which had the most delicious food & with really good prices, too.”
“What was it called” asks the other old boy.
“Um…what’s the name of that red flower, smells lovely and has thorns?”
“That would be a rose” says the first old fella.
“Of course” says the second man. “Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
|05-12-2016 08:30 PM|
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway, but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of six a week.
So Farmer John called the local police station to complain, “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing my chickens.”
“What do you want me to do?” asked the policeman.
“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”
So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:
Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”
So again, they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, “Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?”
In order to get Farmer John off his back said “Sure. Put up your own sign.
The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?”
“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.
The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down..
So he drove out to Farmer John’s house.
His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
‘Slow down and watch out for chicks!’
|05-11-2016 01:46 PM|
|wretched ratchet||She could have had a decent Career in Govt but she blew it.|
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