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Topic Review (Newest First)
11-17-2016 02:32 PM
malc Three dead bodies turn up at a mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces and the police call on the coroner to investigate.
"First body," says the coroner, "Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year-old mistress.
Hence the smile," says the coroner.
"Second body is Gregory Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won $50,000 on the Lottery. Spent it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." he says.
The police inspector asked, "So what about this third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one.
Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why the broad grin, then?" inquires the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken.
11-17-2016 02:30 PM
malc Optician told me today I am Colorblind .............It came just like a bolt out of the Green.

The tests also show I'm now shortsighted ..............I didn't see that coming.
11-09-2016 08:26 PM
7nomad8 Body shop motto: Guaranteed all the way to the street. (I used to work there. When there were no customers, the boss said that.)
11-09-2016 02:15 PM
69612 Buy 3 at the regular price. get the 4th at the regular price.

"Money Gone if not Thrilled" as a warranty..
11-09-2016 01:03 PM
malc Two friends are fishing near a bridge...
Suddenly a Hearse and two funeral cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says, "Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen"
Dave replies, “Well - we were married for nearly 20 years..."
11-04-2016 09:48 AM
boothboy BB
11-01-2016 09:33 PM
boothboy This might come in handy.

10-28-2016 05:01 AM
7nomad8 A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where's the money?”

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says up yours, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?
10-27-2016 06:30 PM
whinny This is the funniest interview EVER..

Had tears down my cheeks

Later gator
10-27-2016 01:12 AM
7nomad8 After my prostate exam the Doctor left and the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she whispered three words no man wants to hear.
wait for it......
"Who was that?"
10-25-2016 09:59 AM
7nomad8 " Ve get too soon oldt undt, too late schmart"
Old German proverb
10-24-2016 11:24 PM
OldTech You are never old until you stop aging. I'd rather keep on getting older.
10-24-2016 08:07 PM
7nomad8 Old is when you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.
10-24-2016 08:00 PM
7nomad8 No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery
10-24-2016 04:05 PM
whinny Sign outside clairvoyants shop.

Closed..due to unforeseen circumstances!!


Later gator
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